The Daily Planet Pitchbot
@tdppitchbot.bsky.social
Fighting for Truth, Justice, and Both Sides of Every Issue. Parody Account for Metropolis' Paper of Record
If Dems refuse to make a stink about it, the beltway hack corps ain’t gonna do anything
December 30, 2025 at 6:07 PM
If Dems refuse to make a stink about it, the beltway hack corps ain’t gonna do anything
and none of them justifying it on the grounds that illegally slapping his soiled name on a federal memorial to the arts is a Distraction From Affordability. how refreshing
December 30, 2025 at 6:06 AM
and none of them justifying it on the grounds that illegally slapping his soiled name on a federal memorial to the arts is a Distraction From Affordability. how refreshing
none of whom had much of anything to say when Spanberger rolled in with a +15 margin
December 29, 2025 at 2:41 PM
none of whom had much of anything to say when Spanberger rolled in with a +15 margin
they don’t even go that. just pull their Chatty Cathy doll strings “this is just a distraction from Affordability” and think that counts as Doing Politics
December 29, 2025 at 5:31 AM
they don’t even go that. just pull their Chatty Cathy doll strings “this is just a distraction from Affordability” and think that counts as Doing Politics
Adam Jentleson’s ears are burning
December 28, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Adam Jentleson’s ears are burning
a series of meaningless messaging votes, obvs
December 28, 2025 at 6:42 PM
a series of meaningless messaging votes, obvs
all the FedSoc goons who made their bones in Ken Starr’s witch hunt and the 2000 coup got rewarded handsomely with federal court appointments. Fox N*** came of age feeding both of those fires for the cause
December 24, 2025 at 5:00 PM
all the FedSoc goons who made their bones in Ken Starr’s witch hunt and the 2000 coup got rewarded handsomely with federal court appointments. Fox N*** came of age feeding both of those fires for the cause
Chuck and Hakeem will see these numbers as *proof* that Noun, Verb, Affordability is killing it
December 23, 2025 at 3:40 AM
Chuck and Hakeem will see these numbers as *proof* that Noun, Verb, Affordability is killing it
eh, if they can successfully rebrand after eight years of George Bush anything is possible
December 23, 2025 at 3:38 AM
eh, if they can successfully rebrand after eight years of George Bush anything is possible
Chuck and Hakeem: “Aha all of our Affordability messaging is finally breaking through!”
December 23, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Chuck and Hakeem: “Aha all of our Affordability messaging is finally breaking through!”
alas doesn’t intersect with the price of eggs so Dems are strictly forbidden from ever raising a finger to object
December 23, 2025 at 1:39 AM
alas doesn’t intersect with the price of eggs so Dems are strictly forbidden from ever raising a finger to object
they’re savvy enough to see the arb while Chuck and Hakeem fiddle on their Affordability violins. especially after watching Trump do it to their own party
December 22, 2025 at 10:54 PM
they’re savvy enough to see the arb while Chuck and Hakeem fiddle on their Affordability violins. especially after watching Trump do it to their own party
except more likely is Senator Spanberger ascends to his seat after her lone term as governor and she’s another Gillibrand
December 22, 2025 at 7:24 AM
except more likely is Senator Spanberger ascends to his seat after her lone term as governor and she’s another Gillibrand
“Does Bari Weiss have a gun to your back, Margaret?”
December 21, 2025 at 6:24 PM
“Does Bari Weiss have a gun to your back, Margaret?”
just keep the current GOP rules for removal of the sitting SOTH
December 15, 2025 at 6:19 PM
just keep the current GOP rules for removal of the sitting SOTH
Trump/MAGA is like the same kryptonite to Dems that Brexit apparently is to Labour. trust us guys, most people hate them both and want someone to prosecute the (voluminous) cases against them
December 10, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Trump/MAGA is like the same kryptonite to Dems that Brexit apparently is to Labour. trust us guys, most people hate them both and want someone to prosecute the (voluminous) cases against them
it’s all laid out clearly in the constitution’s Bill of And So Ons
December 10, 2025 at 3:52 PM
it’s all laid out clearly in the constitution’s Bill of And So Ons
I mean… nobody held a gun to any reporters head to pretend that Trump didn’t write that bullshit letter himself and strong armed the doc into signing it on his own letterhead. Anyone with a pair of eyes knew it was the bunk at the time
December 10, 2025 at 4:51 AM
I mean… nobody held a gun to any reporters head to pretend that Trump didn’t write that bullshit letter himself and strong armed the doc into signing it on his own letterhead. Anyone with a pair of eyes knew it was the bunk at the time
which should make short work for a counter majority (if we ever get one again) to rip all the opinions out root and branch the first chance they get. “Where’s my Dem Leonard Leo?”
December 8, 2025 at 6:27 PM
which should make short work for a counter majority (if we ever get one again) to rip all the opinions out root and branch the first chance they get. “Where’s my Dem Leonard Leo?”
other than TikTok is spyware propagated by a totalitarian regime. no evidence though
December 4, 2025 at 10:34 AM
other than TikTok is spyware propagated by a totalitarian regime. no evidence though
this is what Mamdani et al kneecapped Osse for?
December 3, 2025 at 5:44 PM
this is what Mamdani et al kneecapped Osse for?
dumb ass luck they scheduled this one before Thune & Co kill the ACA subsidies
December 3, 2025 at 9:14 AM
dumb ass luck they scheduled this one before Thune & Co kill the ACA subsidies
this should be not allowed under the MBA once you’ve (deservedly one assumes) gotten the requisite bump(s)
November 25, 2025 at 10:13 PM
this should be not allowed under the MBA once you’ve (deservedly one assumes) gotten the requisite bump(s)
I mean Nancy handpicked AIPAC Shakur as her successor for a reason…
November 23, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I mean Nancy handpicked AIPAC Shakur as her successor for a reason…
Nominating Geithner for treasury the first week was when you knew nobody from Wall Street would ever spend a minute behind bars
November 23, 2025 at 6:53 AM
Nominating Geithner for treasury the first week was when you knew nobody from Wall Street would ever spend a minute behind bars