Thank you for what you do. I may just be a lurker who only found you a few months ago, but the streams and vids really help a lot with taking my mind off stuff.

www.idrlabs.com/dungeons-dra...

I can't necessarily expect anyone to understand why this matters to me as much as it does. I'm just glad that there are people who accept me and all my awkward, messy weirdness, and who don't forget about me when I step away and change.

Things are rough. But I'll keep trying to find a way through.

I keep thinking about who I am as a person and trying to find some comfort in that. Showing myself as Amper always felt better than anything else, and even though the last year damaged that, I want to carry the good times instead of letting the reasons why I'm hurting break me.

With that being said, I do have goals for 2026. I want to move out of my current place. I want to get into better self-care habits. I want to finally start getting somewhere real with a creative project.

And perhaps most of all, I want to feel comfortable with who I am as a person.

And just to end with some anxious clarification, I still love the Coquinuts. There's more I want to say, but that's for a private conversation, if I get the chance. I don't want to force anything.

Right now I need to protect myself from getting hurt again, but I'm available if anyone wants to talk.

I don't know if this needs to be said, but if I've ever hurt or upset anyone, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a screw-up, I'm doing everything I can to figure things out. There's so much more in my mind about how I see myself I've not gone into.

I want to make other people happy, even if I can't be.

There is precisely one person who I feel like has been there for me. They know who they are. And if they're reading this, it means more than I know how to say. 💛

I'm not trying to make anyone else feel guilty. I'm not angry at the community. I just feel lost, and I wish things were better.