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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 2d

Cleric: WHO LEFT THEIR STASH OUT?

Barbarian: (skittering backwards up a tree) i have no banjo & i must kazooie

All:

Wizard: oop sorry that was me

Cleric: Goddamit, somebody get the rake.

Wizard: Depending on what kind of mushrooms were in that, it SHOULD wear off in six-to-eight business weeks!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 2d

There’s a lot of potential, I think, for a good Black Mirror episode about a guy who misses a card payment & gets his AI Girlfriend Subscription™️ cancelled.

Like … there’s abject humiliation, and then there’s “please to continue simulating intimacy I’m sorry, your payment method has been declined”.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 5d

Wizard: Everybody shut up. As the hot quarterback of this party—

All: (booing)

Rogue: NO.

Cleric: Pfft. You’re a kicker AT BEST. I’M the quarterback.

Paladin: Huh? You’re a mom who brings orange slices. I’M the quarterback.

Barbarian: Oooh, are we talking ‘bout SPORTS? I wanna be a cheerleader!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 6d

Bard: Whatcha’ readin’?

Wizard: Look! All “horny-mancy“ was forbidden after Goonor the Onanistic used ‘Maximized Empowered Mass Summon Big-Titty Goth Girlfriend‘ to destroy an entire CITY!

Bard: Oh, fun! So … WHY are you researching this?

Wizard:

Wizard: uh

Wizard: wait you’re not a cop, right?

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 6d

Barbarian: Sup, bitch? Mulieres me desiderant, pisces me timent! FUCK YEAH, FLAMING SWORD GO!

Magic Sword: (bursts into flame)

All:

Wizard: Wait, did you just say “women want me, fish fear me“ in Latin?

Barbarian: Dog-Latin, actually! The guy who enchanted my family’s ancestral sword was a DICK!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 7d

Cleric: So.

All:

Cleric: SOMEONE tested positive for performance-enhancing Tylenol and is casting at three times the autism of a grown man with a Muppets-themed Commander deck.

Wizard: On advice of my lawyer, to my knowledge I was AT THE TIME drinking perfectly ordinary wizard-standard mescaline.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 7d

Monk: A shame that wizards seek MAGICAL power & so become evil liches.

All: wow that’s deep

All:

Bard: Wait. No one EVER turned evil from double-jump-kicking people in the face? What about Akuma from Street Fighter 2?

Monk: Akuma is a misunderstood genius. This is exactly what I’m talking about.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 8d

MORE BANNED WIZARD SPELLS 2026
- sodomize credit score
- NO
- gullible DM
- reverse bullshit
- 🔥🍆🔥❌👀
- Mambo #6
- negate empanada
- lactate self
- lactate other
- lactate monster, mass
- shred dignity
- dickbutt
- kick the DM in the nuts and then erase all the bad guy‘s HP while he’s crying & puking

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 8d

Rogue: Welp. Looks clear.

All:

Cleric: oh god DAMMIT okay fine SOMEONE has to go first one-two-three-NOT-IT

Everyone: NOT IT.

Paladin: Oh! Not it!

All:

Barbarian: Yay! I getta in-BEST-igate! With my tinfoil hat that makes me ‘mune to lasers!

Wizard: (adjusts goggles) Yes. Completely “immune”.

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Reposted by Clinton J. Boomer

Matt B. @originalmattb.com · 10d

Music added. Hosted on YouTube as BSky video uploads always fail for me.

youtu.be/2x5-JtDhTns

Yakety N*zis

YouTube video by Matt B

youtu.be

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 10d

i was told you only need one right guess to be famous

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 10d

Oooh, yeah wow, Eric Andre would be FANTASTIC.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 10d

If there is ANYONE who would be willing to go all-in, double-or-nothing, bet-the-farm, no-take-backsies on Eric Adams for a White House run in 2028, that person is DEFINITELY working at the DNC right now.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 11d

It’s the strongest possible indictment of a society that, because of the way we built it, Kaleb Horton got what he got and Donald Trump gets what *he* has.

It’s just horrifying on the face of it, no nuance required.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 11d

Bard: Ooh, look at all the FANCY people at this party!

Wizard: Wow! The mayor! The mayor’s wife! The ex-mayor! The ex-mayor’s ex-wife! The deputy mayor! … And his husband!

Cleric: Ugh. I *hate* intrigue missions. And stop pickpocketing!

Rogue: (under 500K gold in jewelry) I WILL DO NO SUCH THING.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 14d

am i to understand that *this* is what happened?

anyone?

this is the FBI’s official story?

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 14d

World’s Most Useless Leftist:

WMUL: kay first i’ll write “Anti-ICE” on my bullets

WMUL: a slogan i’ve seen often at Antifa©️ Organization Meetings™️

WMUL: now i’ll sneak up on an ICE facility & shoot some ICE guys

WMUL: shit oops shot a detainee

WMUL: again lol

WMUL:

WMUL: better unalive myself

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 14d

Cleric: Oh, lord … why‘re you idiots in time-out NOW?

Bard: Publicizing a fake rapture.

Wizard: Faking a rapture.

Rogue: Selling various rapture-insurances & memorabilia.

Cleric:

Cleric: Please just tell me you’ve all learned an important lesson.

Barbarian: (wearing rapture-proof pants) NEVER.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 17d

Entire Party: (in jail)

Paladin: (fuming)

Barbarian: (snoring)

Cleric: Oh c’mon! How was *i* supposed to know that they were a “Lawful Good“ snake-necromancer cult?

Paladin: WE FOUGHT AN INTERDENOMINATIONAL CHARITY BEACH VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT.

Rogue: (cheating at craps) Guys? Best weekend EVER!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 18d

this is just the first part of the list, from what i heard

Wall of Meat might STILL end up nerfed (if not removed entirely)

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 18d

BANNED WIZARD-SPELLS [2026]
- cause isekai
- reverse delayed blast reverse fireball
- vengeful ferret
- Chaos Orb, all Moxes
- ‘a free higher-level spell-slot’ the spell!
- agitate Toby
- thirty-seven car pileup
- remove sphincter
- *all* kakistomancer spells
- quicken Tarrasque
- inspect flatulence

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 18d

when your friend says he’s got your trans homie’s back, ride or die, lone sword drawn at the gates of hell

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 18d

For those of you not on Tumblr, this is what you’re missing.

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Reposted by Clinton J. Boomer

Mark Hamill @markhamillofficial.bsky.social · 20d

I stand with PBS.

I stand with NPR.

I stand with Stephen Colbert.

I stand with Jimmy Kimmel.

I stand with the First Amendment.

PERIOD.*

*Also #ReleaseTheEPSTEIN_Files

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 19d

hey ABC / Disney, $2.99 for six months of D+ and Hulu ain’t gonna cut it. You’re embarrassing yourself

You’re the Mouse, bitch. As in “don’t fuck with the Mouse”.

Whatever happened to that?

You’ve got the lawyers. I know you do. You’ve got power. Make ‘em release the Epstein Files and we’ll talk.

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