The Archer Satire
@thearcher.news
Coming soon to a bookstore near you:
March 20, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Coming soon to a bookstore near you:
The organization formerly known as the Anti-Defamation League has changed its name to reflect its new mission:
January 21, 2025 at 11:55 AM
The organization formerly known as the Anti-Defamation League has changed its name to reflect its new mission:
“The Lord Almighty came down from heaven to tell me to end my campaign, so I have no choice but to listen,” Biden said.
July 6, 2024 at 8:07 PM
“The Lord Almighty came down from heaven to tell me to end my campaign, so I have no choice but to listen,” Biden said.
Biden sent a stern warning alongside his latest shipment of handcuffs and crowbars to Ted Bundy.
April 5, 2024 at 1:59 AM
Biden sent a stern warning alongside his latest shipment of handcuffs and crowbars to Ted Bundy.
Sadly, this one really happened.
March 4, 2024 at 1:43 AM
Sadly, this one really happened.
"As Democrats, we believe that when someone wants to attack you, you should hand them a knife so that everyone knows you’re a good person,” Kamala Harris said.
Harris Begins Search for Republican Special Counsel to Derail Future Presidency
"As Democrats, we believe that when someone wants to attack you, you should hand them a knife so that everyone knows you’re a good person,” Harris said.
thearcher.news
February 16, 2024 at 2:57 AM
"As Democrats, we believe that when someone wants to attack you, you should hand them a knife so that everyone knows you’re a good person,” Kamala Harris said.
Bombing churches in Gaza is ok, but peacefully protesting Biden in a church is SHAMEFUL
January 10, 2024 at 2:17 AM
Bombing churches in Gaza is ok, but peacefully protesting Biden in a church is SHAMEFUL
Criticizing Kissinger is antisemitic. He killed those 4 million people in self defense.
November 30, 2023 at 9:24 AM
Criticizing Kissinger is antisemitic. He killed those 4 million people in self defense.
Israel published new evidence that Hamas is using Gaza’s largest hospital as a command center:
November 17, 2023 at 2:03 AM
Israel published new evidence that Hamas is using Gaza’s largest hospital as a command center:
“I have no notion that the LA Health Department is telling the truth about how many Matthew Perrys have died,” Biden said.
October 29, 2023 at 11:24 AM
“I have no notion that the LA Health Department is telling the truth about how many Matthew Perrys have died,” Biden said.
Sec. of State Blinken responded to calls for a cease-fire, saying, “The US does not negotiate with pro-peace organizations. Doctors Without Borders is a dangerous group that is not to be trusted."
US Looking for Ways to Escalate Israel-Palestine Conflict
Secretary of State Anthony Blinken said Friday that US officials were working around the clock to find ways to escalate the Israel-Palestine conflict. “I promise the American people that we will not...
thearcher.news
October 25, 2023 at 1:12 AM
Sec. of State Blinken responded to calls for a cease-fire, saying, “The US does not negotiate with pro-peace organizations. Doctors Without Borders is a dangerous group that is not to be trusted."
The freshly taxidermied corpse of Sen. Dianne Feinstein reported for work in the Senate today.
Feinstein’s Corpse Will Remain Senator
WASHINGTON — The freshly taxidermied corpse of Sen. Dianne Feinstein reported for work in the Senate Saturday. In her will, Feinstein stipulated that her cadaver continue to serve in the Senate for ...
thearcher.news
September 30, 2023 at 12:53 PM
The freshly taxidermied corpse of Sen. Dianne Feinstein reported for work in the Senate today.
“You don’t seriously expect me, a former corporate consultant, to take on railroad corporate interests, do you?” Buttigieg scoffed. “What’s next, am I supposed to regulate the airline industry too?”
ARTICLE:
ARTICLE:
Buttigieg Incredulous He's Expected to Address Train Derailment
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg on Thursday lashed out at critics of his non-response to the train derailment that released toxic chemicals in East Palestine, Ohio on Feb. 3....
thearcher.news
July 30, 2023 at 11:18 PM
“You don’t seriously expect me, a former corporate consultant, to take on railroad corporate interests, do you?” Buttigieg scoffed. “What’s next, am I supposed to regulate the airline industry too?”
ARTICLE:
ARTICLE:
The 89-year-old told confused reporters at the Capitol that she felt it was time to finally fulfill her lifelong dream of running for Congress. “I have always wanted to try my hand at politics, and it feels like the right time now that my children are off to college.”
ARTICLE:
ARTICLE:
Dianne Feinstein Announces Retirement as Switchboard Operator
WASHINGTON — Senator Dianne Feinstein announced Monday that she will soon retire from her role as a switchboard operator for the Bell Telephone System. The 89-year-old Democrat told confused reporte...
thearcher.news
July 30, 2023 at 11:06 PM
The 89-year-old told confused reporters at the Capitol that she felt it was time to finally fulfill her lifelong dream of running for Congress. “I have always wanted to try my hand at politics, and it feels like the right time now that my children are off to college.”
ARTICLE:
ARTICLE:
The situation is actually even worse than this graphic conveys; California currently only has one senator.
July 30, 2023 at 11:00 PM
The situation is actually even worse than this graphic conveys; California currently only has one senator.
Chuck Schumer called for Thomas "to resign immediately, maybe, if he feels like it; no worries if not.”
ARTICLE:
ARTICLE:
Clarence Thomas Accepts Hitler-themed Envelope Labeled 'Bribe'
WASHINGTON — Justice Clarence Thomas was photographed accepting an envelope with an image of Adolph Hitler labeled “bribe” in front of the Supreme Court on Monday. In a statement, Thomas acknowl...
thearcher.news
July 30, 2023 at 10:52 PM
Chuck Schumer called for Thomas "to resign immediately, maybe, if he feels like it; no worries if not.”
ARTICLE:
ARTICLE:
“Sleepy Joe and Little Boy Pete should be ashamed of themselves for not reinstating the train brake rules that were rolled back by the previous administration,” Trump told puzzled reporters.
Full article:
Full article:
Trump Slams Biden for Not Undoing His Rail Deregulation
EAST PALESTINE, OHIO — Former President Donald Trump criticized President Joe Biden for failing to reverse the Trump administration’s railroad deregulation during a visit Wednesday to the eastern ...
thearcher.news
July 30, 2023 at 10:45 PM
“Sleepy Joe and Little Boy Pete should be ashamed of themselves for not reinstating the train brake rules that were rolled back by the previous administration,” Trump told puzzled reporters.
Full article:
Full article: