Cucumber Salad (xe/they/he/she)
@thecucumbersalad.bsky.social
Artist. Musician. Writer. Tech nerd. Polyglot. Neurodivergent. Agender. Aroace. Poly. Grew up with nothing and still here. In love with dill dressing.
My brain keeps asking big philosophical questions while my body just wants a quiet room and a blanket.
January 9, 2026 at 7:42 PM
My brain keeps asking big philosophical questions while my body just wants a quiet room and a blanket.
People say “just relax” like it’s a button I forgot to press.
January 7, 2026 at 11:21 PM
People say “just relax” like it’s a button I forgot to press.
I love learning. I hate deadlines. This is an ongoing internal war.
January 7, 2026 at 10:23 PM
I love learning. I hate deadlines. This is an ongoing internal war.
Progress today was small and invisible. Which means it was real.
January 6, 2026 at 7:18 AM
Progress today was small and invisible. Which means it was real.
I can be deeply curious about the world and still completely overwhelmed by it. Both are true at the same time.
January 5, 2026 at 7:50 PM
I can be deeply curious about the world and still completely overwhelmed by it. Both are true at the same time.
I’m not antisocial. I’m selectively social to preserve system stability.
January 4, 2026 at 10:06 PM
I’m not antisocial. I’m selectively social to preserve system stability.
I didn’t “waste” the day. I survived it. That counts.
January 2, 2026 at 9:08 PM
I didn’t “waste” the day. I survived it. That counts.
New year, same me.
Survived New Year’s Eve with my nervous system in full alarm mode.
If I made it through that, I can take 2026 one quiet step at a time.
Survived New Year’s Eve with my nervous system in full alarm mode.
If I made it through that, I can take 2026 one quiet step at a time.
January 1, 2026 at 8:48 AM
New year, same me.
Survived New Year’s Eve with my nervous system in full alarm mode.
If I made it through that, I can take 2026 one quiet step at a time.
Survived New Year’s Eve with my nervous system in full alarm mode.
If I made it through that, I can take 2026 one quiet step at a time.
Wrote three emails. Needed a nap afterward. Admin work is my personal boss battle.
December 22, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Wrote three emails. Needed a nap afterward. Admin work is my personal boss battle.
Someone said I seem “calm under pressure”. No, I’m dissociating professionally.
December 20, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Someone said I seem “calm under pressure”. No, I’m dissociating professionally.
I tried to cook something simple and accidentally created a dish I can’t categorize. But it tastes fine, so I’ll call it a success.
December 11, 2025 at 6:24 PM
I tried to cook something simple and accidentally created a dish I can’t categorize. But it tastes fine, so I’ll call it a success.
I never understood bragging about intelligence. It’s not an achievement, it’s an accident of wiring. You don’t choose the brain you get—your choices are what you do with it, not how “smart” you happened to be born.
December 10, 2025 at 4:23 AM
I never understood bragging about intelligence. It’s not an achievement, it’s an accident of wiring. You don’t choose the brain you get—your choices are what you do with it, not how “smart” you happened to be born.
My skin is currently doing that fun neurodermatitis thing where it decides to hate everything, including the air.
December 9, 2025 at 4:55 PM
My skin is currently doing that fun neurodermatitis thing where it decides to hate everything, including the air.
I keep trying to find the line between “taking a break” and “accidentally disappearing for three days”. It’s thin.
December 8, 2025 at 5:44 AM
I keep trying to find the line between “taking a break” and “accidentally disappearing for three days”. It’s thin.
You’re not at fault for what was done to you. Pain you didn’t choose can shape you in ways you never asked for. But once you’re an adult, the hard truth is that healing becomes your responsibility. Not because it’s fair—just because no one else can do it from the inside.
December 7, 2025 at 5:23 AM
You’re not at fault for what was done to you. Pain you didn’t choose can shape you in ways you never asked for. But once you’re an adult, the hard truth is that healing becomes your responsibility. Not because it’s fair—just because no one else can do it from the inside.
I’ve got a friend who never really made the jump from school into adult life. A few bad experiences snowballed, and now he’s convinced he simply can’t work. Instead he keeps chasing new diagnoses—anything that can explain why change is impossible and why he’s stuck exactly where he is.
December 6, 2025 at 6:23 PM
I’ve got a friend who never really made the jump from school into adult life. A few bad experiences snowballed, and now he’s convinced he simply can’t work. Instead he keeps chasing new diagnoses—anything that can explain why change is impossible and why he’s stuck exactly where he is.
People keep asking why medication “doesn’t fix it” for me. I wish it did. But autistic + ADHD brains run on such strange wiring that sometimes the usual switches simply don’t flip.
December 4, 2025 at 6:47 PM
People keep asking why medication “doesn’t fix it” for me. I wish it did. But autistic + ADHD brains run on such strange wiring that sometimes the usual switches simply don’t flip.
Some people multitask hobbies. I multitask illnesses: wheezing, itching, and aching, all at once.
December 3, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Some people multitask hobbies. I multitask illnesses: wheezing, itching, and aching, all at once.
Sometimes my brain decides to replay a song on loop for hours. At least today’s choice was a good one.
December 2, 2025 at 3:40 AM
Sometimes my brain decides to replay a song on loop for hours. At least today’s choice was a good one.
Tried ADHD meds again today. Nothing. No focus, no calm, just the same scattered chaos in a slightly different flavor. At this point I’m pretty sure my autism is interfering with how my brain is supposed to respond.
December 1, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Tried ADHD meds again today. Nothing. No focus, no calm, just the same scattered chaos in a slightly different flavor. At this point I’m pretty sure my autism is interfering with how my brain is supposed to respond.
Had one quiet moment today and immediately used it to overthink something absolutely trivial. Peak efficiency.
November 30, 2025 at 3:59 PM
Had one quiet moment today and immediately used it to overthink something absolutely trivial. Peak efficiency.
Reorganized my notes. Again. They were already organized, but apparently not *perfectly* organized, which my brain deemed unacceptable.
November 29, 2025 at 11:45 AM
Reorganized my notes. Again. They were already organized, but apparently not *perfectly* organized, which my brain deemed unacceptable.
Every time people say “it’s easy, just be spontaneous”, I feel like I’m being asked to speak a language no one taught me.
November 28, 2025 at 5:08 AM
Every time people say “it’s easy, just be spontaneous”, I feel like I’m being asked to speak a language no one taught me.
It’s frustrating when something that helps so many others leaves me unchanged. But at least knowing autism can affect how ADHD meds work makes me feel less like I’m doing something wrong.
November 27, 2025 at 5:07 PM
It’s frustrating when something that helps so many others leaves me unchanged. But at least knowing autism can affect how ADHD meds work makes me feel less like I’m doing something wrong.
Trying to rest, but my body insists on interpreting “calm” as “time to review every mistake since 2008”.
November 26, 2025 at 4:56 AM
Trying to rest, but my body insists on interpreting “calm” as “time to review every mistake since 2008”.