The Daily Fruitbat
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"Literally" the Worst?! 😱 Man sues dictionary over definition of "literally"! 😂 Read the full story of this grammatical showdown! #Literally #DictionaryDrama 📕
“Literally” a Lawsuit: Man Sues Dictionary for “Figurative” Definition, Demands Apology (and a Thesaurus)
Good heavens, the state of the English language! It’s enough to make a grammarian spontaneously combust and a lexicographer weep tears of pure, unadulterated despair. In a legal case that has…
thedailyfruitbat.com
January 4, 2025 at 10:32 AM
"Literally" the Worst?! 😱 Man sues dictionary over definition of "literally"! 😂 Read the full story of this grammatical showdown! #Literally #DictionaryDrama 📕
Elfpocalypse Now! 🎅 Chaos erupts at the Kringle Corporation Christmas party! Drunken elves, a naked Mrs. Claus on a reindeer joyride, and photocopied bottoms?! ➡️ Read the full story! #ElfParty #ChristmasChaos #DailyFruitbat 🎄
Claus Family Christmas Party Descends into Chaos: Elves Run Riot, Mrs. Claus Takes Reindeer for a Naked Joyride
Well, well, well, it seems the elves at the North Pole have been naughty rather than nice this year. With Santa Claus away on a much-needed vacation (rumored to be a “well-deserved break̶…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 25, 2024 at 1:51 PM
Elfpocalypse Now! 🎅 Chaos erupts at the Kringle Corporation Christmas party! Drunken elves, a naked Mrs. Claus on a reindeer joyride, and photocopied bottoms?! ➡️ Read the full story! #ElfParty #ChristmasChaos #DailyFruitbat 🎄
Snooker Just Got a Whole Lot Smellier! 🤢😂
Neil "The Smell" Hoskins wins World Championship, but his flatulence leaves opponents gagging and fans reaching for gas masks! 💨🏆 Read the full, nose-wrinkling story! #Snooker #Flatulence #DailyFruitbat
Neil "The Smell" Hoskins wins World Championship, but his flatulence leaves opponents gagging and fans reaching for gas masks! 💨🏆 Read the full, nose-wrinkling story! #Snooker #Flatulence #DailyFruitbat
Hoskins Wins World Championship in a Cloud of Controversy
Neil “The Smell” Hoskins has done it again! The notorious flatulence-fueled snooker player has clinched the World Championship title, but his victory has been overshadowed by accusation…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 24, 2024 at 9:39 AM
Snooker Just Got a Whole Lot Smellier! 🤢😂
Neil "The Smell" Hoskins wins World Championship, but his flatulence leaves opponents gagging and fans reaching for gas masks! 💨🏆 Read the full, nose-wrinkling story! #Snooker #Flatulence #DailyFruitbat
Neil "The Smell" Hoskins wins World Championship, but his flatulence leaves opponents gagging and fans reaching for gas masks! 💨🏆 Read the full, nose-wrinkling story! #Snooker #Flatulence #DailyFruitbat
Librarians Gone Wild! (Well, Not Really...) 🤫😂
The National Congress of Librarians descended into chaos (or rather, complete silence) as everyone kept shushing each other! 🤫 Read the full story of this hilariously quiet conference. #LibrarianLife #Shhh #DailyFruitbat 🤫😂
The National Congress of Librarians descended into chaos (or rather, complete silence) as everyone kept shushing each other! 🤫 Read the full story of this hilariously quiet conference. #LibrarianLife #Shhh #DailyFruitbat 🤫😂
Librarians’ Conference Ends in Stunning Silence: A Symphony of Shushes and Unspoken Syllables
In a gathering that has left the literary world speechless (quite literally), the National Congress of Librarians has concluded its annual conference in a symphony of shushes and a cacophony of cou…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 21, 2024 at 11:36 AM
Librarians Gone Wild! (Well, Not Really...) 🤫😂
The National Congress of Librarians descended into chaos (or rather, complete silence) as everyone kept shushing each other! 🤫 Read the full story of this hilariously quiet conference. #LibrarianLife #Shhh #DailyFruitbat 🤫😂
The National Congress of Librarians descended into chaos (or rather, complete silence) as everyone kept shushing each other! 🤫 Read the full story of this hilariously quiet conference. #LibrarianLife #Shhh #DailyFruitbat 🤫😂
Wizards are in tears! 😭 The Ministry of Magic has BANNED mandatory beards! 🧙♂️ Is this the end of an era? Or the dawn of a new, clean-shaven age? Read the full story! #BeardBan #WizardingWorld #DailyFruitbat 📰
Wizards in Tears as Ministry of Magic Bans Mandatory Beards
The Ministry of Magic, in a move that has left the wizarding community in a state of follicular frenzy, has declared that beards are no longer mandatory for wizards. Yes, you read that right. Those…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 15, 2024 at 8:19 PM
Wizards are in tears! 😭 The Ministry of Magic has BANNED mandatory beards! 🧙♂️ Is this the end of an era? Or the dawn of a new, clean-shaven age? Read the full story! #BeardBan #WizardingWorld #DailyFruitbat 📰
1/4 Being a celebrity interviewer is hard enough, but try doing it while hanging upside down! 🦇🎤 Celebrities get a bit freaked out when you're swinging from the chandelier during their "deep and meaningful" moments. #FruitbatJournalist #UpsideDownInterviews #CelebEncounters
December 14, 2024 at 3:44 PM
1/4 Being a celebrity interviewer is hard enough, but try doing it while hanging upside down! 🦇🎤 Celebrities get a bit freaked out when you're swinging from the chandelier during their "deep and meaningful" moments. #FruitbatJournalist #UpsideDownInterviews #CelebEncounters
Tired of reality? Exhausted by the truth? Escape to the Daily Fruitbat, where the news is always fake and the laughs are always real! 😂 We're the home of the absurd, the bizarre, and the downright unbelievable. 😜 #DailyFruitbat #FakeNewsFun #EmbraceTheAbsurdity 🦇
December 14, 2024 at 3:42 PM
Tired of reality? Exhausted by the truth? Escape to the Daily Fruitbat, where the news is always fake and the laughs are always real! 😂 We're the home of the absurd, the bizarre, and the downright unbelievable. 😜 #DailyFruitbat #FakeNewsFun #EmbraceTheAbsurdity 🦇
🐹 Gym Rat Hamster Demands "More Iron!" 💪😂
Humphrey the hamster is, like, totally ripped, but he's not satisfied with his mini gym. He's demanding a squat rack and "pecs of steel!" Read the full story of this swole hamster's quest for gains! #HamsterHulkster #GymLife #DailyFruitbat 🐹💪
Humphrey the hamster is, like, totally ripped, but he's not satisfied with his mini gym. He's demanding a squat rack and "pecs of steel!" Read the full story of this swole hamster's quest for gains! #HamsterHulkster #GymLife #DailyFruitbat 🐹💪
Hamster Hulkster’s Gym Meltdown! Tiny Rodent Throws a Wobbly Over Lack of “Gnarly Gains”
Humphrey “The Hulkster” Squeakles, a hamster with more attitude than a cage full of ferrets, has thrown a tantrum that could shake the foundations of Nibbleton-on-the-Wold. The reason? …
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 13, 2024 at 11:03 AM
🐹 Gym Rat Hamster Demands "More Iron!" 💪😂
Humphrey the hamster is, like, totally ripped, but he's not satisfied with his mini gym. He's demanding a squat rack and "pecs of steel!" Read the full story of this swole hamster's quest for gains! #HamsterHulkster #GymLife #DailyFruitbat 🐹💪
Humphrey the hamster is, like, totally ripped, but he's not satisfied with his mini gym. He's demanding a squat rack and "pecs of steel!" Read the full story of this swole hamster's quest for gains! #HamsterHulkster #GymLife #DailyFruitbat 🐹💪
1/4 In a world of doom & gloom, the Daily Fruitbat is a beacon of absurdity! 😜 We're here to brighten your day with satirical scoops and hilariously fake news. 😂 #DailyFruitbat #AbsurdNews #LaughterIsTheBestMedicine
December 13, 2024 at 10:51 AM
1/4 In a world of doom & gloom, the Daily Fruitbat is a beacon of absurdity! 😜 We're here to brighten your day with satirical scoops and hilariously fake news. 😂 #DailyFruitbat #AbsurdNews #LaughterIsTheBestMedicine
New Study Shows... That New Studies Are Often Wrong?! 🤯😂
Apparently, research has trust issues! Scientists accidentally discovered that most studies prove something completely different than intended. Oops! #ScienceFail #UnexpectedResults #DailyFruitbat 🦇
Apparently, research has trust issues! Scientists accidentally discovered that most studies prove something completely different than intended. Oops! #ScienceFail #UnexpectedResults #DailyFruitbat 🦇
New Study Reveals That New Studies Often Don’t Show What They Intended to Show (More Research Needed)
In a groundbreaking meta-analysis that has sent shockwaves through the academic community (and possibly caused a few existential crises among researchers), a team of scientists has concluded that n…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 12, 2024 at 9:40 AM
New Study Shows... That New Studies Are Often Wrong?! 🤯😂
Apparently, research has trust issues! Scientists accidentally discovered that most studies prove something completely different than intended. Oops! #ScienceFail #UnexpectedResults #DailyFruitbat 🦇
Apparently, research has trust issues! Scientists accidentally discovered that most studies prove something completely different than intended. Oops! #ScienceFail #UnexpectedResults #DailyFruitbat 🦇
Fruit bats are sexy!!! Repost if you agree
Fabulous Bat GIF
ALT: Fabulous Bat GIF
media.tenor.com
December 8, 2024 at 4:58 PM
Fruit bats are sexy!!! Repost if you agree
One Daily Fruitbat writer thinks it's the HEIGHT of fashion, darlings! 👠 Read their bold manifesto and embrace the sock-and-sandal revolution! #SocksAndSandals #FashionRebellion #DailyFruitbat 😜
Socks and Sandals: A Fashion Faux Pas? Poppycock! I Say, Embrace the Toe-Liberating Truth!
(Adjusts monocle, strokes chin with a flourish) Ahem. Darlings, let us address the elephant in the room, or rather, the sock in the sandal. Yes, that oft-maligned, much-misunderstood fashion statem…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 7, 2024 at 9:10 PM
One Daily Fruitbat writer thinks it's the HEIGHT of fashion, darlings! 👠 Read their bold manifesto and embrace the sock-and-sandal revolution! #SocksAndSandals #FashionRebellion #DailyFruitbat 😜
Every day I read the news I am glad that I'm a fruit bat.
December 7, 2024 at 9:32 AM
Every day I read the news I am glad that I'm a fruit bat.
1/4 Life as a fruitbat: It's not all hanging around and eating mangoes, you know. Sometimes, it's hard to find a decent branch to hang from. #FruitbatProblems #BatLife 🦇
December 4, 2024 at 8:36 PM
1/4 Life as a fruitbat: It's not all hanging around and eating mangoes, you know. Sometimes, it's hard to find a decent branch to hang from. #FruitbatProblems #BatLife 🦇
This ain't your grandma's horoscope, folks! 😜 We're serving up a festive feast of fatal festivities, with a side of morbid merriment. Find out how YOU'LL meet your untimely demise this holiday season! 🎄 #Horrorscopes #DoomAndGloom #DailyFruitbat 🦇
Horrorscopes: A Festive Feast of Fatal Festivities
The stars are aligned, the runes are cast, and the tea leaves are swirling with a distinctly morbid hue. This December, the cosmos is serving up a holiday smorgasbord of hilarious mishaps and absur…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 4, 2024 at 8:34 PM
This ain't your grandma's horoscope, folks! 😜 We're serving up a festive feast of fatal festivities, with a side of morbid merriment. Find out how YOU'LL meet your untimely demise this holiday season! 🎄 #Horrorscopes #DoomAndGloom #DailyFruitbat 🦇
Oi, you lot! Fancy a right bobby dazzler of a recipe? 🥪 This ain't no Michelin star muck, mind you. It's a cheese & pickle sarnie, elevated to an art form! (with extra Branston's, obviously). #ElevatedEats #CheeseAndPickle #WorkingClassGourmet 🧀
Elevated Eats: The Cheese & Pickle Symphony
Right, chuck another log on the fire and pass us the brown sauce, because I’m about to knock you up a right bobby dazzler of a dish. None of that fancy Michelin star muck, mind you. This is p…
thedailyfruitbat.com
December 1, 2024 at 8:48 PM
Oi, you lot! Fancy a right bobby dazzler of a recipe? 🥪 This ain't no Michelin star muck, mind you. It's a cheese & pickle sarnie, elevated to an art form! (with extra Branston's, obviously). #ElevatedEats #CheeseAndPickle #WorkingClassGourmet 🧀
🐢 "Timmy and the Strawberry": A children's book that's secretly a philosophical masterpiece?! 🤯 Read our review and discover the existential angst of Timmy the Turtle. #TimmyAndTheStrawberry #DeepThoughts 🐢🍓
Book Review: Timmy and the Strawberry
Rarely does a work of such profound simplicity grace my desk, a literary gem that transcends the boundaries of genre and plunges fearlessly into the depths of the human condition. “Timmy the …
thedailyfruitbat.com
November 29, 2024 at 12:10 PM
🐢 "Timmy and the Strawberry": A children's book that's secretly a philosophical masterpiece?! 🤯 Read our review and discover the existential angst of Timmy the Turtle. #TimmyAndTheStrawberry #DeepThoughts 🐢🍓
1/4 Real news got you feeling like the world's ending? 😔 Doomscrolling got you down? 😩 Fly over to the Daily Fruitbat where the news is fake and the laughs are real! 😂 #FakeNewsFun #DailyFruitbat 🦇
November 28, 2024 at 7:20 PM
1/4 Real news got you feeling like the world's ending? 😔 Doomscrolling got you down? 😩 Fly over to the Daily Fruitbat where the news is fake and the laughs are real! 😂 #FakeNewsFun #DailyFruitbat 🦇
👵💥 Geriatric Gladiators! 💥👵 Uncover the shocking truth behind those "innocent" bowls clubs... where pensioners brawl with walking sticks and dentures! Read our exclusive exposé! #PensionerPugilists #BowlsBattles #DailyFruitbat 😜
“Operation Zimmer Frame”: Unmasking the Pensioner Pugilists of Pebblebrook
The faint aroma of freshly cut grass and liniment hung heavy in the air, a peculiar juxtaposition to the palpable sense of menace that emanated from the seemingly innocuous gathering of pensioners.…
thedailyfruitbat.com
November 27, 2024 at 4:34 PM
👵💥 Geriatric Gladiators! 💥👵 Uncover the shocking truth behind those "innocent" bowls clubs... where pensioners brawl with walking sticks and dentures! Read our exclusive exposé! #PensionerPugilists #BowlsBattles #DailyFruitbat 😜
📚🔥 Book Banners BEWARE! 🔥📚 Think books are harmless? Think again! 😉 We defend these literary rebels against the absurdity of censorship. Join the revolution! #BookBurningBunch #CensorshipIsForClowns #DailyFruitbat 🦇
The Book Burning Bunch: Why Banning Books is About as Sensible as Using a Teapot to Hammer in Nails
Listen, I’ve had it up to HERE with these book-banning buffoons, these literary Luddites who think they can silence stories and censor our shelves! It’s not just idiotic, it’s dow…
thedailyfruitbat.com
November 25, 2024 at 2:25 PM
📚🔥 Book Banners BEWARE! 🔥📚 Think books are harmless? Think again! 😉 We defend these literary rebels against the absurdity of censorship. Join the revolution! #BookBurningBunch #CensorshipIsForClowns #DailyFruitbat 🦇
Gnomes plotting world domination?! 😱 It's not as crazy as it sounds! 😂 Dive into the Daily Fruitbat's latest scoop and discover their surprisingly detailed plans for garden domination (and a killer rockery). #GnomeNews #GardenRevolution #DailyFruitbat 🌱
Gnome Sweet Gnome: Local Man Claims Garden Gnomes Plotting World Domination (and a Really Killer Rockery)
“They’re not just cute garden ornaments, mind you,” whispered Herbert Humperdink, his eyes wide with a mix of fear and fascination, “they’ve got plans. Big plans.̶…
thedailyfruitbat.com
November 23, 2024 at 3:54 PM
Gnomes plotting world domination?! 😱 It's not as crazy as it sounds! 😂 Dive into the Daily Fruitbat's latest scoop and discover their surprisingly detailed plans for garden domination (and a killer rockery). #GnomeNews #GardenRevolution #DailyFruitbat 🌱
Gloomchester's new album is SO depressing, it might actually cure your depression! 😂 Read our review of "Raining on My Parade (While I'm Drowning in a Vat of Melancholy)" for a sonic journey into the abyss of misery. 🌧️💀 #Gloomchester #Emo #AlbumReview
Gloomchester’s “Raining on My Parade (While I’m Drowning in a Vat of Melancholy)”: A Triumph of Misery, a Masterpiece of Mope
Gloomchester, those doleful divas of despair, have finally unleashed their debut album, “Raining on My Parade (While I’m Drowning in a Vat of Melancholy),” and it’s a sympho…
thedailyfruitbat.com
November 22, 2024 at 2:24 PM
Gloomchester's new album is SO depressing, it might actually cure your depression! 😂 Read our review of "Raining on My Parade (While I'm Drowning in a Vat of Melancholy)" for a sonic journey into the abyss of misery. 🌧️💀 #Gloomchester #Emo #AlbumReview
A story so silly that even we wouldn’t make it up.
November 21, 2024 at 2:09 PM
A story so silly that even we wouldn’t make it up.
1/4 Real news got you down? 😩 Doomscrolling getting you nowhere? 😔 Come on over to the Daily Fruitbat, where the news is always fake and the laughs are always real! 😂 #FakeNewsFun #DailyFruitbat 🦇
November 21, 2024 at 9:37 AM
1/4 Real news got you down? 😩 Doomscrolling getting you nowhere? 😔 Come on over to the Daily Fruitbat, where the news is always fake and the laughs are always real! 😂 #FakeNewsFun #DailyFruitbat 🦇
🇬🇧❄️ Snowmageddon in the UK! ❄️🇬🇧 2mm of snow shut down the country? 😂 Read how Brits battled for bread with swords and the military got deployed to Tesco! #Snowmageddon #OnlyInBritain #DailyFruitbat
Snowmageddon: The Day Britain Ground to a Halt Over a Light Dusting of the Fluffy Stuff
The flakes began to fall gently, like icy confetti from a disgruntled cloud. A mere 2mm of snow, a dusting so light it could barely be seen, settled upon the British Isles. And yet, this delicate s…
thedailyfruitbat.com
November 20, 2024 at 8:18 AM
🇬🇧❄️ Snowmageddon in the UK! ❄️🇬🇧 2mm of snow shut down the country? 😂 Read how Brits battled for bread with swords and the military got deployed to Tesco! #Snowmageddon #OnlyInBritain #DailyFruitbat