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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard

@themeadhallbard.bsky.social

910 followers 480 following 12K posts

*DMs Disabled* #Wülferhamptonian Profanagiest Frustrating Bastard Ex Vampier Belligerent malcontent Tuberdoor Singest Rhymist Storyteller Lute twanglist Ye Mercia Beat decomposer Wilfully obtuse Murdered at the behest of WülfHelm

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · Sep 3

For Wülferhampton newbies (and those that got so wrecked in the Mead Hall that they can’t remember what happened)

The History of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard.

The 'Phantom' of The Mead Hall Bard

is the spiritual essence of a travelling musician and poet who was once chained to the wall of the Mead Hall, in the window alcove by the door to the latrines.

Early Life
Almost nothing is known of the early years of TMHB. His spoken accent is not that of a Wülferhampton native, but there is no clue to his origins. He has some small literary skills and musical training, so it is assumed that he may have studied in a foreign land (i.e. not Wülferhampton).

Corporeal Mead Hall Tenure
TMHB arrived at the Mead Hall as a living, breathing and reasonably healthy person. Sadly, this was not a situation that would endure for long. Although initially intrigued by the travelling Bard, the Bretwalda soon tired of his somewhat acerbic satirical wit. This resulted in TMHB being appointed as the resident Bard (a retained position chained to the wall and used as a target for discard rat bones). The Bard suffered this for some time, before escaping and later reappearing as The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard (The Phantom).

Death
The actual demise of TMHB has been the subject of much speculation. The only corroborated facts are that the Bard's exsanguinated corpse was found in the Frankish Music Hall called "Mason Rouge", bearing a single wound consistent with an expertly wielded seax. There were unsubstantiated reports that TMHB was murdered by, or at the behest of, the Bretwalda Wulfhelm. This suggestion has been repeatedly denied by Bretwalda WülfHhelm and it is ill advised to challenge him on the subject. However, since the event, the Select Fyrd has claimed responsibility for the dispatch of the Bard.

Place of Unrest
There are rumours that the corpse of TMHB is buried under the great Elm Tree at the back of the Mead Hall. Since any excavation or exploration of the area is forbidden by the Bretwalda on pain of death, the rumours cannot be substantiated. The Psychic Squirrel (A.K.A. loads of variations of his name) has claimed that the Bard's remains have been exhumed, cremated, salted and reburied. But it is uncertain if that was the Bard or the leftovers of one of the Bretwalda’s Chinese foods binges (barbequed spare ribs).

Mead Hall Haunting
After his reappearance as the Phantom, the Mead Hall Bard has been haunting the Mead Hall and Wülferhampton area. He spends a great deal of his time annoying the Bretwalda, (which can only be a good thing). Unusually for a spirit, most people can see or at least hear the Phantom and he'll engage almost everybody in conversation.

Music of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
The music of TMHB mostly takes the form of a contrafactum, whereby the text of a song is substituted without substantial change to the original music. This makes it easy for the Mead Hall clientele to join in when they are pissed brainless on a Friday and Saturday night. This creative process can be thought of in terms of decomposing and recomposing: which is fairly appropriate given TMHB's history.

His posthumous album "The Seax Man Cometh" went straight in at Number 1 on the Wülferhampton charts.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 1h

Good day your Grace.

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 1h

G'day

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 1h

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 2h

Anything you disapprove of is junk? I see.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 2h

Chamberlain?

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 2h

Do you only eat one type of food as well?

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 2h

There you go with your exaggerated electioneering boosterism again. We all know that it's fucking terrible.

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 2h

I’ve ğot one bottle of JD left. After that's gone I'll hunt down a Canadian alternative.

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 10h

Yes

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 10h

😂

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 10h

Bring vodka

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 12h

It's a community, not a straitjacket.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 13h

bsky.app/profile/them...

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 15h

If you're looking for the new feeds, read this pinned post and replies. There are links and explanations for everything there.

bsky.app/profile/wulf...

Wülferhampton @wulferhampton.bsky.social · Sep 3

This account exists as a gateway to the imaginary medieval community of Wülferhampton. The Settlement of Wülferhampton is ruled by a psychotic dipsomaniac despot called Wülfhelm.

The Wülferhampton Mead Hall is the centre of the community and is the residence of Wülfhelm.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 13h

Cook says reduce them to a simmer and you might be able to delay them until Yuletide 26

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 13h

It's easy enough to block people, but when one of us comments on a political thread, it drags the thread into the feed. The only way of dealing with that is to block it from your own account or subscribe to a block list.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 13h

Click on the # symbol at the top of your screen search from the discover feeds box. The Explore search doesn't find feeds in spite of what it says.

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 14h

I've been waiting for the technology to do this since BlueSky started.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 14h

👍

The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 14h

If you want your posts to appear in the feed, you'll need to add Wülferhampton to your bio. 👍

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 14h

Clogs up the keys though.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 14h

Did you watch it to the end though?

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 15h

They don't bounce.

a dead pigeon is laying on a table with a person 's hand touching it .

ALT: a dead pigeon is laying on a table with a person 's hand touching it .

media.tenor.com

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 15h

If you're looking for the new feeds, read this pinned post and replies. There are links and explanations for everything there.

bsky.app/profile/wulf...

Wülferhampton @wulferhampton.bsky.social · Sep 3

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 15h

Read the pinned post on wulferhampton.bsky.social

I've put links to the feeds there.

Wülferhampton (@wulferhampton.bsky.social)

This profile requires authentication to view.

wulferhampton.bsky.social

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 16h

Pretty much.

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