@theonematt.bsky.social
WHY IS IT NOT 6 NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S?!
November 14, 2025 at 12:50 AM
WHY IS IT NOT 6 NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S?!
I think this restaurant is having a laugh at me. I ordered three things, and they’ve so far brought 7 dishes to my table.
In my broken Russian, I’ve had to reject 4 separate dishes from nearly every waiter in this place. Wtf is happening
In my broken Russian, I’ve had to reject 4 separate dishes from nearly every waiter in this place. Wtf is happening
October 1, 2025 at 12:37 PM
I think this restaurant is having a laugh at me. I ordered three things, and they’ve so far brought 7 dishes to my table.
In my broken Russian, I’ve had to reject 4 separate dishes from nearly every waiter in this place. Wtf is happening
In my broken Russian, I’ve had to reject 4 separate dishes from nearly every waiter in this place. Wtf is happening
land of the home, free of the brave
September 26, 2025 at 1:26 PM
land of the home, free of the brave
whenever i’ve got a “cat in my wall” style problem, my first solution is often to get a second cat to get the first one out
August 13, 2025 at 12:01 PM
whenever i’ve got a “cat in my wall” style problem, my first solution is often to get a second cat to get the first one out
50% immovable object
50% unstoppable force
50% unstoppable force
August 13, 2025 at 11:54 AM
50% immovable object
50% unstoppable force
50% unstoppable force
the 1 is Mario to the 6’s Luigi
August 6, 2025 at 3:38 PM
the 1 is Mario to the 6’s Luigi
HBO Max and Rob Mac should swap names next April Fools
July 12, 2025 at 5:28 PM
HBO Max and Rob Mac should swap names next April Fools
what i wouldn’t do for the remote from Click. i did not learn the lesson of that movie
June 20, 2025 at 3:07 AM
what i wouldn’t do for the remote from Click. i did not learn the lesson of that movie
i just want Kesha to sing the chorus on a fun pop song. is that too much to ask for in the 2020s?
June 17, 2025 at 1:52 PM
i just want Kesha to sing the chorus on a fun pop song. is that too much to ask for in the 2020s?
I love signing up for literally anything online and immediately getting mobbed with spam texts and emails.
I love having my info just openly sold to whatever shithead is willing to buy!
I love having my info just openly sold to whatever shithead is willing to buy!
April 21, 2025 at 5:38 PM
I love signing up for literally anything online and immediately getting mobbed with spam texts and emails.
I love having my info just openly sold to whatever shithead is willing to buy!
I love having my info just openly sold to whatever shithead is willing to buy!
man, every state really wants to claim lincoln and named a ton of shit after him.
April 2, 2025 at 3:18 PM
man, every state really wants to claim lincoln and named a ton of shit after him.
after living in san francisco for the last seven years, seeing midwest lightning for the first time again was terrifying. sf gets so few thunderstorms that i actually forgot lightning exists. vibes of leaving ogygia
April 2, 2025 at 3:12 PM
after living in san francisco for the last seven years, seeing midwest lightning for the first time again was terrifying. sf gets so few thunderstorms that i actually forgot lightning exists. vibes of leaving ogygia
nebraskans don’t know how to speed
April 1, 2025 at 5:17 PM
nebraskans don’t know how to speed
i didn’t know that i could love Sean Baker more. long live the american cinematic theatrical experience!
March 3, 2025 at 3:33 AM
i didn’t know that i could love Sean Baker more. long live the american cinematic theatrical experience!
Spotify made a Car Thing, but they really should’ve made a Pocket Thing. the amount of money i’d pay for an mp3 player with unlimited downloads that literally only does Spotify and nothing else (no open internet or apps).
will someone sell me this in a jet black color?
will someone sell me this in a jet black color?
February 23, 2025 at 8:54 PM
Spotify made a Car Thing, but they really should’ve made a Pocket Thing. the amount of money i’d pay for an mp3 player with unlimited downloads that literally only does Spotify and nothing else (no open internet or apps).
will someone sell me this in a jet black color?
will someone sell me this in a jet black color?
the years-long journey i took to realizing that veracious and voracious are two different words
February 23, 2025 at 2:49 PM
the years-long journey i took to realizing that veracious and voracious are two different words
when i heard #macklemore put out a song called “fucked up”, i assumed it would have some introspection that he felt that he’d fucked up by telling people not to vote for Biden + Kamala in multiple songs. but nope, the chorus is “they got me fucked up. woo woo”.
who wants this? macklemore go away
who wants this? macklemore go away
February 14, 2025 at 3:51 PM
when i heard #macklemore put out a song called “fucked up”, i assumed it would have some introspection that he felt that he’d fucked up by telling people not to vote for Biden + Kamala in multiple songs. but nope, the chorus is “they got me fucked up. woo woo”.
who wants this? macklemore go away
who wants this? macklemore go away
rip to tiktok, i guess. that funny little app where i once grew to >18k followers, the vast majority of whom were female. until i quit one day and vanished.
i learned a lot about myself by building up to 1M views/month and posting ~daily. chiefly that not interested in being big on social media.
i learned a lot about myself by building up to 1M views/month and posting ~daily. chiefly that not interested in being big on social media.
January 19, 2025 at 4:26 AM
rip to tiktok, i guess. that funny little app where i once grew to >18k followers, the vast majority of whom were female. until i quit one day and vanished.
i learned a lot about myself by building up to 1M views/month and posting ~daily. chiefly that not interested in being big on social media.
i learned a lot about myself by building up to 1M views/month and posting ~daily. chiefly that not interested in being big on social media.
is there a worse way to prepare chicken than using it for breakfast sausage?
January 13, 2025 at 4:58 PM
is there a worse way to prepare chicken than using it for breakfast sausage?
rewatching silicon valley is wild after working at hooli for the last >6
years. they got a lot right and a bit more quite wrong
years. they got a lot right and a bit more quite wrong
December 22, 2024 at 5:24 AM
rewatching silicon valley is wild after working at hooli for the last >6
years. they got a lot right and a bit more quite wrong
years. they got a lot right and a bit more quite wrong
i’d wager i’ve cried on every road and trail in golden gate park by now
December 6, 2024 at 7:09 PM
i’d wager i’ve cried on every road and trail in golden gate park by now
treasures i’ve found in the california desert: a cow, an oasis, a volcano house, and vladimir lenin. like if you want another 4-pack
December 1, 2024 at 3:38 AM
treasures i’ve found in the california desert: a cow, an oasis, a volcano house, and vladimir lenin. like if you want another 4-pack
is this a place that i’m supposed to post images? what am i doing here?
December 1, 2024 at 3:28 AM
is this a place that i’m supposed to post images? what am i doing here?
I’m not gonna run out of gas in the Mojave desert, but I’m certainly about to get very close
November 29, 2024 at 6:45 PM
I’m not gonna run out of gas in the Mojave desert, but I’m certainly about to get very close
this has been the worst year of my last decade, and most likely the second worst year of my life. good riddance, i can’t wait for this shit to end.
here’s to a less shitty ‘25
here’s to a less shitty ‘25
November 26, 2024 at 3:57 PM
this has been the worst year of my last decade, and most likely the second worst year of my life. good riddance, i can’t wait for this shit to end.
here’s to a less shitty ‘25
here’s to a less shitty ‘25