Her mom was always telling her it was her fault, but there had to be a better explanation than that! “Where did we go wrong, what happened to her…”

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She grabbed at air again like she was reaching for the past version of something she could never have again. Those days couldn’t just be over. “I- I don’t know like, y’all, w-where it all went fucking wrong for us!” She cried, trying to rationalize any kind of explanation in her head.

She wiped at her eyes with one of her fingers, gesturing out into the woods, into nothing. Her voice wobbly. “W-We were actually like, laughing and, and talking about the game, I…” Tears started rolling down her already hot face, as she bashed one of her fists into the sturdy bark of a tree.

A pause, Natalie couldn’t stop the redness coming into her eyes. Taking a moment to slowly blink and sigh, breathe in some of the fresh air around her. Her teary eyes spreading to the rest of her face, flushed and rosy as she tried to force out what she remembered. “I- I…”

Her vision of when her mother actually cared clear in her mind. Moving her hands around like that would somehow help her. “She was cheering, I was cheering… w-we, we were laughing together.”

The wavering in her tone as she thought about whether she should continue talking. But it wasn’t really an option, her mouth kept going. “And I remember, for one afternoon… h-how we were actually fucking happy around each other.”

The wavering in her tone as she thought about whether she should continue talking. But it wasn’t really an option, her mouth kept going. “And I remember, for one afternoon… h-how we were actually fucking happy around each other.”

gonna post more of this excerpt in this thread if y’all want to keep reading. the priority is obviously to show how it affects her, and how deeply emotional the pain being dealt is. bluesky character limit is just stupid, it’s not actually formatted like this.

she just slowly internalizes it more and more, feeling like she’s the problem and that she causes the outbursts and the beatdowns. she breaks holes in the walls of her room, she feels angry at the world but primarily angry and upset at herself. i really wanted to go for realism with this story.

she clings to those old memories of her mother, despite how bad the treatment is. every insult feels like it’s being thrown directly at her, like she might even somehow be a burden or a disappointment compared to what she used to be. feeling that somehow, she is responsible for this. it’s tragic.

and she actually talks about it on camera, since YouTube is her coping mechanism.

“Mom… brought us out to a baseball game once.” She laughed a little, a slight sigh of a laugh like the memory wasn’t that significant. “I asked her to take us, and she bitched and fucking moaned. But she brought us…”

we watch her internalize the abuse and try to rationalize her mom’s actions, watch her try and separate her mom’s actions into different sides, but then she still looks at her mom and feels like that’s her mom who once used to care about her. like she herself did something wrong to cause this.