And as for why I’m here? Simple… I’m not here for you. I’m here because this is where the future is being built, and unlike you, I like to show up before the curtains rise. But don’t worry, I’ll save you a seat in the back so you can watch me shine.

Oh, sweetie, you’re confused. Let me slow it down more for you. I wasn’t comparing skeets to tweets… I was dismissing tweets altogether. A skeet is like a sip of champagne. It’s crisp, effervescent, and meant for people who get it. Tweets? More like flat soda left out at a toddler’s birthday party.

Oh, so you’re confused about a skeet? Let me dumb it down for you, darling. A skeet is just a tweet, but with a trendy new name because Bluesky wants to feel special. Same concept, different branding. Like calling vodka a ‘potato smoothie’… still gets the job done, just with more pretentiousness.

Where do I apply?

What a cutie, so hot

Ugh he’s so delulu

Oh, so now you’re telling me 20 million people are finally seeing what I’ve been saying all along? It’s basically the app that keeps on giving!

Oh honey, that’s definitely cocaine! I mean, what else could it be? If it’s not, he’s really got some wild dental hygiene habits. But let’s be real, the only thing more questionable than his decision making is his hair. Somebody tell him he’s not the ‘cool guy’ in this scenario!

One of?

Oh, Seth? He’s totally gay and not just a little, honey. He’s obsessed with me! You think he spends all that time making American Dad without secretly wanting a piece of this fabulousness? Please, I’m his muse, his inspiration, his everything. He can’t stop thinking about me!

Oh, please. The only reason those old episodes were funny was because I was there. Without me, it’d be just Stan being a buzzkill and Steve crying about… whatever it is Steve cries about.