Wade Hampton
@thewade.bsky.social
Just an idiot trying to make people laugh
I just found out that liking Dave Matthews Band is a "straight thing."
I've never felt more gay.
I've never felt more gay.
February 5, 2026 at 6:06 PM
I just found out that liking Dave Matthews Band is a "straight thing."
I've never felt more gay.
I've never felt more gay.
Dating while poor pushes you into suggesting really cheap dates, like walking through a park.
Then I realized that women were fine with that all along.
And now I want a refund for every drink I ever bought a woman because it turns out I never needed to.
Then I realized that women were fine with that all along.
And now I want a refund for every drink I ever bought a woman because it turns out I never needed to.
February 1, 2026 at 1:44 AM
Dating while poor pushes you into suggesting really cheap dates, like walking through a park.
Then I realized that women were fine with that all along.
And now I want a refund for every drink I ever bought a woman because it turns out I never needed to.
Then I realized that women were fine with that all along.
And now I want a refund for every drink I ever bought a woman because it turns out I never needed to.
At this point I'm pretty sure God is just completely drunk. That's the only way 2025 makes any sense.
December 29, 2025 at 9:54 PM
At this point I'm pretty sure God is just completely drunk. That's the only way 2025 makes any sense.
Women that talk about how important therapy is in their profiles, that's such a positive sign, a real green flag.
It means I don't have to share shit.
When she wants you to "open up", bring up any subject and how you were talking about that with your therapist.
She has to respect that boundary.
It means I don't have to share shit.
When she wants you to "open up", bring up any subject and how you were talking about that with your therapist.
She has to respect that boundary.
December 12, 2025 at 1:34 AM
Women that talk about how important therapy is in their profiles, that's such a positive sign, a real green flag.
It means I don't have to share shit.
When she wants you to "open up", bring up any subject and how you were talking about that with your therapist.
She has to respect that boundary.
It means I don't have to share shit.
When she wants you to "open up", bring up any subject and how you were talking about that with your therapist.
She has to respect that boundary.
The term "fuck-boi" is slut shaming.
Prove me wrong.
Prove me wrong.
December 12, 2025 at 1:09 AM
The term "fuck-boi" is slut shaming.
Prove me wrong.
Prove me wrong.
There is a non-zero number of teachers in America that won't admit it, but they know if a school shooter came through their class...
...they'd just be pointing out the problem children.
...they'd just be pointing out the problem children.
December 12, 2025 at 12:45 AM
There is a non-zero number of teachers in America that won't admit it, but they know if a school shooter came through their class...
...they'd just be pointing out the problem children.
...they'd just be pointing out the problem children.
I'm so pro-vasectomy, that if getting a second one would make it twice as effective, I would.
I'm not sure how that would work. Like maybe my dick could induce an abortion from someone else's baby? I'd still do it.
I'm not sure how that would work. Like maybe my dick could induce an abortion from someone else's baby? I'd still do it.
December 12, 2025 at 12:28 AM
I'm so pro-vasectomy, that if getting a second one would make it twice as effective, I would.
I'm not sure how that would work. Like maybe my dick could induce an abortion from someone else's baby? I'd still do it.
I'm not sure how that would work. Like maybe my dick could induce an abortion from someone else's baby? I'd still do it.
I'm such an ally that I take a Plan-B pill along with her, in solidarity.
Who knew that they taste like cherry?
Only hoes can prove me wrong on that.
Who knew that they taste like cherry?
Only hoes can prove me wrong on that.
December 11, 2025 at 8:08 PM
I'm such an ally that I take a Plan-B pill along with her, in solidarity.
Who knew that they taste like cherry?
Only hoes can prove me wrong on that.
Who knew that they taste like cherry?
Only hoes can prove me wrong on that.
I don't think it's fair that most edibles are in the form of a munchie.
December 11, 2025 at 7:42 PM
I don't think it's fair that most edibles are in the form of a munchie.
Friend: Oh, your parents are divorced?
Me: No, but they... Should be.
Me: No, but they... Should be.
December 11, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Friend: Oh, your parents are divorced?
Me: No, but they... Should be.
Me: No, but they... Should be.
I hate it when people say that high school was the best years of their life.
I never got laid back then, never even kissed a girl. I go back and look at pictures of myself as a teenager and my immediate thought is:
"Wow, okay. Girls were right."
I never got laid back then, never even kissed a girl. I go back and look at pictures of myself as a teenager and my immediate thought is:
"Wow, okay. Girls were right."
December 11, 2025 at 12:15 AM
I hate it when people say that high school was the best years of their life.
I never got laid back then, never even kissed a girl. I go back and look at pictures of myself as a teenager and my immediate thought is:
"Wow, okay. Girls were right."
I never got laid back then, never even kissed a girl. I go back and look at pictures of myself as a teenager and my immediate thought is:
"Wow, okay. Girls were right."
Have you seen these rallies?
Filled with MAGA. AltRight. KKK. NRx.
As a millennial, I really don't like that these Nazis have way more friends than I do just for being a Nazi.
Filled with MAGA. AltRight. KKK. NRx.
As a millennial, I really don't like that these Nazis have way more friends than I do just for being a Nazi.
December 10, 2025 at 11:10 PM
Have you seen these rallies?
Filled with MAGA. AltRight. KKK. NRx.
As a millennial, I really don't like that these Nazis have way more friends than I do just for being a Nazi.
Filled with MAGA. AltRight. KKK. NRx.
As a millennial, I really don't like that these Nazis have way more friends than I do just for being a Nazi.
I would hate to find out my son is gay.
Because that means I have a son out there.
I had the vasectomy way too late.
Because that means I have a son out there.
I had the vasectomy way too late.
December 10, 2025 at 10:38 PM
I would hate to find out my son is gay.
Because that means I have a son out there.
I had the vasectomy way too late.
Because that means I have a son out there.
I had the vasectomy way too late.
As a white man, the best possible therapist is a black woman.
If I try to talk about my problems, she is going to make me Get. To. The. Fucking. Point. And really make me think about how that's a real problem.
If I try to talk about my problems, she is going to make me Get. To. The. Fucking. Point. And really make me think about how that's a real problem.
December 10, 2025 at 2:13 AM
As a white man, the best possible therapist is a black woman.
If I try to talk about my problems, she is going to make me Get. To. The. Fucking. Point. And really make me think about how that's a real problem.
If I try to talk about my problems, she is going to make me Get. To. The. Fucking. Point. And really make me think about how that's a real problem.
Women complain that men don't appreciate a woman's intelligence.
And that's not true at all.
Do you have any idea how hot it is when a woman tells her friends that astrology is bullshit?
And that's not true at all.
Do you have any idea how hot it is when a woman tells her friends that astrology is bullshit?
December 10, 2025 at 2:00 AM
Women complain that men don't appreciate a woman's intelligence.
And that's not true at all.
Do you have any idea how hot it is when a woman tells her friends that astrology is bullshit?
And that's not true at all.
Do you have any idea how hot it is when a woman tells her friends that astrology is bullshit?
I recently turned 30.
I also recently turned 43.
That depends entirely on your perspective of the word "recently".
I also recently turned 43.
That depends entirely on your perspective of the word "recently".
December 10, 2025 at 1:04 AM
I recently turned 30.
I also recently turned 43.
That depends entirely on your perspective of the word "recently".
I also recently turned 43.
That depends entirely on your perspective of the word "recently".
I got married this year. It's a big deal.
She's getting delivered to America later this month, I'm very excited.
She's getting delivered to America later this month, I'm very excited.
December 10, 2025 at 12:44 AM
I got married this year. It's a big deal.
She's getting delivered to America later this month, I'm very excited.
She's getting delivered to America later this month, I'm very excited.
I have to live in the city. Here, I'm just the perpetual bachelor. I enjoy my space with my kitties, I love animals, I work at night, the friendly neighborhood bartender.
If I move out to the suburbs, into my own house, by myself? Instant serial killer vibes.
If I move out to the suburbs, into my own house, by myself? Instant serial killer vibes.
December 10, 2025 at 12:16 AM
I have to live in the city. Here, I'm just the perpetual bachelor. I enjoy my space with my kitties, I love animals, I work at night, the friendly neighborhood bartender.
If I move out to the suburbs, into my own house, by myself? Instant serial killer vibes.
If I move out to the suburbs, into my own house, by myself? Instant serial killer vibes.
Guns are so cheap in America. Which means they can make great gifts.
You can learn a LOT about your friends, too. Gift them a cheap gun with just a note that says:
"You know what to do."
You can learn a LOT about your friends, too. Gift them a cheap gun with just a note that says:
"You know what to do."
December 9, 2025 at 2:32 AM
Guns are so cheap in America. Which means they can make great gifts.
You can learn a LOT about your friends, too. Gift them a cheap gun with just a note that says:
"You know what to do."
You can learn a LOT about your friends, too. Gift them a cheap gun with just a note that says:
"You know what to do."
Last girl I dated accused me of gaslighting her. Come on. Tricking someone into questioning their own reality? That's like Lvl 10 masterclass lying.
You think if I was that capable of lying that I would be dating you?
No way. I would have tricked a much hotter chick into it.
You think if I was that capable of lying that I would be dating you?
No way. I would have tricked a much hotter chick into it.
December 9, 2025 at 2:09 AM
Last girl I dated accused me of gaslighting her. Come on. Tricking someone into questioning their own reality? That's like Lvl 10 masterclass lying.
You think if I was that capable of lying that I would be dating you?
No way. I would have tricked a much hotter chick into it.
You think if I was that capable of lying that I would be dating you?
No way. I would have tricked a much hotter chick into it.
It's awesome that IUDs are kinda shaped like the cross ✝️
It's like they're celebrating Jesus.
Which is ironic since if they existed back then, Jesus wouldn't.
It's like they're celebrating Jesus.
Which is ironic since if they existed back then, Jesus wouldn't.
December 9, 2025 at 1:52 AM
It's awesome that IUDs are kinda shaped like the cross ✝️
It's like they're celebrating Jesus.
Which is ironic since if they existed back then, Jesus wouldn't.
It's like they're celebrating Jesus.
Which is ironic since if they existed back then, Jesus wouldn't.
There are double standards that I enjoy. I feel sorry for fat people sometimes.
As a thin/fit guy, I ALSO can get hungry during sex.
If I pause to take a bite of a donut, she's more likely to think "Look at my boy here, putting in work. He needs some calories to re-up that energy!"
As a thin/fit guy, I ALSO can get hungry during sex.
If I pause to take a bite of a donut, she's more likely to think "Look at my boy here, putting in work. He needs some calories to re-up that energy!"
December 9, 2025 at 12:52 AM
There are double standards that I enjoy. I feel sorry for fat people sometimes.
As a thin/fit guy, I ALSO can get hungry during sex.
If I pause to take a bite of a donut, she's more likely to think "Look at my boy here, putting in work. He needs some calories to re-up that energy!"
As a thin/fit guy, I ALSO can get hungry during sex.
If I pause to take a bite of a donut, she's more likely to think "Look at my boy here, putting in work. He needs some calories to re-up that energy!"
I don't agree with the idea that trans people are shoving their lifestyle in our faces.
Homo sapiens have existed for 250,000 thousand years. Trans people have been around that entire time. First successful trans surgery was 1954.
So they only very recently got hot? They deserve a victory lap.
Homo sapiens have existed for 250,000 thousand years. Trans people have been around that entire time. First successful trans surgery was 1954.
So they only very recently got hot? They deserve a victory lap.
December 9, 2025 at 12:29 AM
I don't agree with the idea that trans people are shoving their lifestyle in our faces.
Homo sapiens have existed for 250,000 thousand years. Trans people have been around that entire time. First successful trans surgery was 1954.
So they only very recently got hot? They deserve a victory lap.
Homo sapiens have existed for 250,000 thousand years. Trans people have been around that entire time. First successful trans surgery was 1954.
So they only very recently got hot? They deserve a victory lap.
It's rough realizing that a relationship is over.
At the stage where I know I have to break up with this person. After a couple of months, noticing just how far her values disagree, can't deal with her temper.
Knowing I'm going to break up with her...
...as soon as she stops having sex with me.
At the stage where I know I have to break up with this person. After a couple of months, noticing just how far her values disagree, can't deal with her temper.
Knowing I'm going to break up with her...
...as soon as she stops having sex with me.
December 6, 2025 at 8:34 PM
It's rough realizing that a relationship is over.
At the stage where I know I have to break up with this person. After a couple of months, noticing just how far her values disagree, can't deal with her temper.
Knowing I'm going to break up with her...
...as soon as she stops having sex with me.
At the stage where I know I have to break up with this person. After a couple of months, noticing just how far her values disagree, can't deal with her temper.
Knowing I'm going to break up with her...
...as soon as she stops having sex with me.
I was asked if I would ever get back together with my ex.
"No, I wouldn't."
She thought it was admirable that I wouldn't hook up with an ex.
"Wait. That changes things. Hooking up is very different than getting back together. She does that thing with her tongue that no other woman does."
"No, I wouldn't."
She thought it was admirable that I wouldn't hook up with an ex.
"Wait. That changes things. Hooking up is very different than getting back together. She does that thing with her tongue that no other woman does."
December 6, 2025 at 8:13 PM
I was asked if I would ever get back together with my ex.
"No, I wouldn't."
She thought it was admirable that I wouldn't hook up with an ex.
"Wait. That changes things. Hooking up is very different than getting back together. She does that thing with her tongue that no other woman does."
"No, I wouldn't."
She thought it was admirable that I wouldn't hook up with an ex.
"Wait. That changes things. Hooking up is very different than getting back together. She does that thing with her tongue that no other woman does."