If you don’t know the difference between Sesame Oil and Toasted Sesame Oil I’m not sure we have much to discuss

Association for the Advancement of Retired People

10 year old Adam Time Machining into the future to see myself sternly telling my dog that jumping on the table to eat her sister’s leftovers is “unacceptable” while my daughter laughs at me

The line “it won’t be long until summer comes, now that the boys are here again” in Thin Lizzy’s ‘The Boys Are Back in Town’ implies a deep-seated connection with Punxsutawney Phil

Her: I love when guys care about their community
Me: I buy former police cars and keep them in the garage because they’ve seen enough of the streets

Hey Siri - listen to this track, bitch

Sisyphus with his rock but it’s me eating a 3 foot Italian Sub

Pronouncing Common as “Come On” until he throws a punch at me

Me: (last in a line of 15 people at Baskin Robbins) Thanos was right