Thanks Sue,
I've missed Jim for years, and an sad that he has passed. He was a treasure.

Not really surprising, given how deep in the energy baron's pocket Shells lives.
Imagine how much better our economy would be if Clinton had been elected in 2016.

P.P.P.S. We don’t all perish, Joni. Some of us get remembered. Some of us get recycled. And some of us get removed for being impacted, infected, and entirely unnecessary.
Guess which one you are.

P.P.S. If you ever mention me again, I’ll unionize every elf, sprite, and childhood icon in the goddamn Northern Hemisphere. Even the Easter Bunny’s pissed. You’ve awakened ancient forces you don’t understand.

One molar whispered “Citizens United” before it disintegrated into dust. I left a sticky note on his nightstand that said, “You’re next.”

P.S. I did a job at Mitch McConnell’s house last week. Let’s just say it was… harrowing. His teeth didn’t fall out — they retreated. I had to coax them out with a priest, a crowbar, and the sound of Nancy Pelosi clapping.

and one extraction at a time.

In the meantime, leave my name out of your mouth.
Sincerely,
🦷 The Tooth Fairy
Unlicensed, Unbothered, and Unfuckwithable

a U.S. Senator turned into a cryptkeeper Karen and used my name to make light of a healthcare crisis.

I work nights. I pay no taxes. I have no lobby. I answer to no one.

But mark my words: I’m coming for your legacy the way I come for baby teeth — quietly, persistently,

uploaded it to Instagram like it was a goddamn vacation reel.

Lady, I’m a being of magic. I’ve survived centuries of skepticism, Republican budget cuts, and one god-awful rebrand by Hallmark in 1983. I have seen shit. But nothing prepared me for the moment when

You think if you say it with enough sass, we’ll forget that you just voted to let your constituents die waiting in line at a pharmacy that no longer accepts Medicaid. And then you smeared lipstick on that insult, strutted through a field of tombstones, and

because your colleagues slashed food stamps to buy fighter jets and told kids in wheelchairs to just “bootstrap harder.”

But you? You think “we’re all going to die” is a punchline. You think sarcasm is leadership.

And while we’re at it — the Tooth Fairy doesn’t do death announcements. I do hope. I do dreams. I do tiny glitter envelopes with nickels inside. And sometimes, when no one’s watching, I leave a note saying “You’re going to be okay,” even though I know I’m lying —

and then realize her dad was just denied disability?

But go ahead. Tell your jokes. Flash those veneered press conference teeth and talk about how “we’re all going to perish from this Earth.”
Spoiler alert: you’re not the Grim Reaper, Senator. You’re just cosplaying as one on C-SPAN.

Do you know what it’s like to land on a windowsill and overhear a kid ask if a fairy can also bring insulin? Do you know what it's like to pull a cracked incisor out from under a girl’s head because she clenched her jaw so hard in pain it shattered her baby tooth,