But to my fellow depression sufferers— we’ll weather this season. We can get through. It may not be today. Or tomorrow. Or two days from now. But we’ll be okay and we are worthy of love just as much as anyone else. 🙏🏻

It’s one day. But I’m hoping it’s the start of a better self-help/care streak for me. I’m ready for summer. I’m sunshine. This cold and darkness makes everything seem impossible sometimes. Harder. Insurmountable.

negative headspace. It wasn’t until halfway through the machines that the endorphins finally started releasing themselves. I left the gym feeling hopeful. I was able to go home and finish putting Christmas stuff away, tidied up the kitchen, and did laundry.

Tonight I pulled it together. I woke up after a broken day of sleep. Walked the dogs. Took all my meds, including my Vyvanse, and hit the gym with my husband. At first I was starting to regret it. I did 35 min on the elliptical and then started my strength training and still felt in such a…

I’d been avoiding the gym lately even though I know it makes me feel better. But my brain will tell me it’s pointless. I’ll never be in shape. Why bother? I know this is depression talking. And I try my hardest to fight back against that negative inner dialogue.

I also struggle with the guilt and shame of self-isolating myself and not having the mental energy to keep up with people. Even though they may be struggling too. Or having the physical energy to do basic chores, leaving my husband to do a vast majority of it when he also works.

binge drinking for me because I like feeling carefree and happy. But the guilt and anxiety that follows as it leaves my system the next day often makes me spiral and hate myself. So truly what reason do I have to keep doing this to myself— even if it’s not very often? It’s stupid.

I wrestle *a lot* with that sentiment. To the point it overwhelms me sometimes.

I’ve said this before. But l truly know now, I need to give up alcohol. Sometimes I don’t drink for months and months. Sometimes I’ll have a glass of wine. That’s all fine. But so often one can quickly turn into…

The state of the U.S. and this administration— the constant bombardment of terrible & sad news every time I open social media—is also triggering. I feel so sick to my stomach that this is the reality we have to live in. And it cuts deep that people who live among us are so insanely cruel & hateful.

it’s honestly silly how my brain works when I stop and think it over. I also don’t like the initial and sometimes lingering headache it gives me when it’s kicking in and honestly the thought of the taste of it when I swallow it puts me off sometimes too.

Dealing with the constant pain of my fibroids also drags me down a lot. I feel better and more productive when I regularly take my Vyvanse but I also become avoidant taking it because I want to emotional support eat and it suppresses my appetite. Which is a large reason I started it so…

Sometimes it’s hard for me to decipher if I am immensely exhausted and worn out and it’s leading to depression or if it’s the other way around. I know my sleep schedule (or lack thereof) and my career burnout contribute a lot. Plus my hormones.

come rolling in that it is the depression taking over and that it will pass. It always does. Even if it takes awhile. Even if I feel trapped in a never ending cycle. Which is a blessing to be able to discern in a challenging state of mind.

I’m *so* mentally and physically tired. Thankfully I recently went up on my Vyvanse dose so hopefully it helps me lock in until I can nap later this afternoon. 😭😭