The Gods taunt us with limited access to Caramel Apple Empandas. And they dare explain their cruelty by saying the amount of time it takes to prepare doesn't justify year round sales. Jesus. Wept.

I believe the American Transgender community should adopt the practice of calling people cunts. It doesn't belong to grizzled British gangsters and Scottish grandmothers.

Why is horror fandom lousy with LGBTQ+ folks and people who struggle with mental illness? 1) Because 90% of the characters deny the monster is real. 2) The people trying to stop it are vulnerable. 3) One of the protagonists is often a goth or punk.

When a 6 year old is congested, the greatest form of entertainment imaginable for that age begins: "How big can my snot bubble get?" It's like The Sopranos for middle-aged Italian-Americans, but it fucks up school clothes.

My health insurance offers incentives for using the mail order pharmacy. Which means every month and half there's a terrifying movie being played in my head called "Taken 8: The Estradial Abduction"

I demand patience for a response to an email or text you sent 3 weeks ago and will drag you to hell if you don't respond to me in an hour.

It's getting harder to convince my daughter that I called someone a "bunt". I think she has a classmate who explained baseball to her.

The controversy around the Trans community and public restrooms means I have to weigh my daughter's desire for IHOP against one of us having to pee. And they leave the coffee pot on the table.