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Tom Staniford

@tomstaniford.bsky.social

2.4K followers 730 following 1.2K posts

CMO | Writer | Speaker | Cyborg Carpe Jugulum. To define is to limit. www.tomstaniford.com

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 16d

I need to make a change. And so, I've hatched a plan. A modern take on a traditional arts ‘patronage’ to support me and my writing. Please share among your network. Who do you know who would be an ideal patron for Dragon’s Pen?

tomstaniford.substack.com/p/23-dragons...

23. Dragon's Pen

Who do you know who would be an ideal patron for Dragon’s Pen?

tomstaniford.substack.com

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 1h

They won’t. You have a degree of notoriety. I’ll be happy to sell a few copies to people not my mum.

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2h

I’m afraid I’ve already beat you to it and am considering this as a title for my NYT and Times bestseller, Pulitzer-winning sizzling Exposé autobiog.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 4h

Eye improving a lot each day. Still very puffy and cheek bruised though. 1 week until chop pt.2. And collecting first prosthetic leg tomorrow. It’s all going on.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 1d

I was a brilliant writer yesterday.

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 1d

Now I can claim the pomposity of being a ‘writer’ I have a few insights to reveal. Writing stuff is wonderful. Coming back the next day, realising it’s all shit, and rewriting it all again is less wonderful. Returning on day 3 and repeating the process, even less so. And on day 4….

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 1d

Eye is continuing to heal - just tiring to keep focus. Healing is being supported by the plush comfort of my new favourite @hebtroco.bsky.social jumper - 100% British wool. I did some writing for them back in Bother #5 and took the opportunity to explore their wares. Well worth a look. hebtro.co

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

While editing the world’s worst poem from last night, I have actually written a whole new poem called ‘the world’s worst poem’. It’s about writing the world’s worst poem. Just to be clear.

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

I refuse to believe 1200 words is an essay. It’s a notion.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

It’s a shame you won’t be able to. The bleeding.

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

Can’t decide if this is a compliment

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

It’s a work in progress. There’s not quite enough nausea yet.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

If you’re not careful I’m going to send you it.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

I have shelved my drivel. I have begun a new magnum opus, called “the worlds worst poem”

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 2d

Working on editing a poem today, which I wrote last night. It is awful. The world doesn’t need more bad poetry, and this one makes a valiant attempt at being the absolute worst. It makes my teeth hurt.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 3d

Worth your time watching

KOJAMF🤘🖤🤘 @kojamf.bsky.social · 3d

Dr. Jane Goodall filmed an interview with Netflix in March 2025 that she understood would only be released after her death.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 3d

Or trust 😉

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 3d

It’s kind of you to say, but lying back and trying not to move was not the most taxing of efforts.

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 3d

Two reheated mini fillets. And a mince pie. Don’t all rush for my nutrition insights. #DietOfAChampion

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 3d

Timeline cleanse. Had a great sleep. Eye is doing ok. Coffee machine is pulling liquid gold. Need a haircut.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 4d

Not the most pleasant of procedures- watching the scalpel flash in your peripheral vision. Now just the 6 ice packs, 2 ointments and 4 eye drops to do daily for a week before a more relaxed protocol. Grateful for super surgeon and NHS. Back for more in surgical fun in 11 days!

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 4d

*grim photo alert*
So in the end we did the whole surgery- not just Botox to the upper eyelid muller muscle to help it relax but also a “lateral tarsorrhaphy”. Essentially stitching part of upper and lower eyelid closer to help with closing and rolling eyelashes away from eye.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 4d

I don’t fuck about with KFC.

Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 4d

Only a small arrow for today’s procedure. But good to have some variety in the collection.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 4d

I don’t think many are wondering.

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Tom Staniford @tomstaniford.bsky.social · 4d

Yes. I think so. And the committed consumer overbuys so they can reheat remains for breakfast the next day. That’s just reasonable.

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