They get so excited when they hear the word Docker. You have to spell it out letter by letter so they don't freak out

"The showers here are good. Big fucking drain holes. Easy to aim your dick at while you pee."

We both laughed

"I'm just kidding, I just piss on my feet"

Of the woman he was married to for 20 years:

"She had come down to buy some chickens for her father. I was working on a plumbing job a buddy of mine hooked me up with. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I did what I had to. Yeah. Yeah, man. It was love at first sight"

"Children are great until they learn how to hate. Nobody is born knowing how to do that"

"I think I'm gonna get a dog. Three things worth living for are dogs, watermelon wine, and children. Oh, and hookers"

(after farting) "somebody call the president. Denver has been bombed"