Trace Bell
@tracebelll.bsky.social
I’m so sorry I wished you a happy Toyotathon. I didn’t realize your family celebrates Lexus December To Remember
December 25, 2025 at 12:46 AM
I’m so sorry I wished you a happy Toyotathon. I didn’t realize your family celebrates Lexus December To Remember
Santa is a classic example of people loving your weirdness if you also bring joy. Climbing down peoples chimneys in the middle of the night? Totally chill and everyone loves you
December 25, 2025 at 12:42 AM
Santa is a classic example of people loving your weirdness if you also bring joy. Climbing down peoples chimneys in the middle of the night? Totally chill and everyone loves you
It was funny when you did it at Toyotathon, it was less funny when you did it at Lexus December to Remember, and by the time you were doing it at Happy Honda Days we were begging for you to get a new bit
December 25, 2025 at 12:38 AM
It was funny when you did it at Toyotathon, it was less funny when you did it at Lexus December to Remember, and by the time you were doing it at Happy Honda Days we were begging for you to get a new bit
In the year of our lord Toyotathon
December 25, 2025 at 12:35 AM
In the year of our lord Toyotathon
The Grinch: I am going to destroy Whoville with my arsenal of Rotten Egg Launchers and Slime Shooters
Democratic Leadership: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
Democratic Leadership: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
December 25, 2025 at 12:23 AM
The Grinch: I am going to destroy Whoville with my arsenal of Rotten Egg Launchers and Slime Shooters
Democratic Leadership: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
Democratic Leadership: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
* your friend that accidentally ate one of the “special” Christmas cookies *
It used to be Santa that gave us what we wanted and expected and now it’s something called The Algorithm.
It used to be Santa that gave us what we wanted and expected and now it’s something called The Algorithm.
December 25, 2025 at 12:00 AM
* your friend that accidentally ate one of the “special” Christmas cookies *
It used to be Santa that gave us what we wanted and expected and now it’s something called The Algorithm.
It used to be Santa that gave us what we wanted and expected and now it’s something called The Algorithm.
No, you cannot leave your printed Substack article out for Santa. He’s busy and he doesn’t consider that a gift
December 24, 2025 at 11:52 PM
No, you cannot leave your printed Substack article out for Santa. He’s busy and he doesn’t consider that a gift
I’m the type of person to edit a sent text in order to add one single exclamation point. You will receive the transmission of exuberance and enthusiasm this message requires. I won’t sleep until it’s made right.
December 24, 2025 at 9:23 PM
I’m the type of person to edit a sent text in order to add one single exclamation point. You will receive the transmission of exuberance and enthusiasm this message requires. I won’t sleep until it’s made right.
I’m the type of person to edit a sent text in order to add one single exclamation point. I know you got my message but it was lacking proper exuberance and enthusiasm and with the state of the world these days we can’t afford that
December 24, 2025 at 9:16 PM
I’m the type of person to edit a sent text in order to add one single exclamation point. I know you got my message but it was lacking proper exuberance and enthusiasm and with the state of the world these days we can’t afford that
May you never be too grown up (or sober) to search the skies on Christmas Eve.
December 24, 2025 at 5:48 PM
May you never be too grown up (or sober) to search the skies on Christmas Eve.
The DOJ: hey guys we’re gonna release all these files but any time you see Trump’s name just know it’s totally fake and made up and he totally didn’t do that and it’s all good
👍
👍
December 24, 2025 at 6:38 AM
The DOJ: hey guys we’re gonna release all these files but any time you see Trump’s name just know it’s totally fake and made up and he totally didn’t do that and it’s all good
👍
👍
(Me seeing any person in any context whatsoever) Well well well if it isn’t the good ol’ bipedal hominid
December 24, 2025 at 6:31 AM
(Me seeing any person in any context whatsoever) Well well well if it isn’t the good ol’ bipedal hominid
The years of leaving cookies out for Santa are over, we’re leaving him microdose capsules that he’ll be able to write killer substack articles about
December 22, 2025 at 11:35 PM
The years of leaving cookies out for Santa are over, we’re leaving him microdose capsules that he’ll be able to write killer substack articles about
The Grinch: I am going to destroy Whoville with my arsenal of Rotten Egg Launchers and Slime Shooters
Democrats: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
Democrats: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
December 22, 2025 at 11:02 PM
The Grinch: I am going to destroy Whoville with my arsenal of Rotten Egg Launchers and Slime Shooters
Democrats: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
Democrats: we need to write him a strongly worded letter
The Grinch hates capitalism and materialism yet he shows up on the scene armed to the teeth with Rotten Egg Launchers, Slime Shooters and Net Launchers. Who do you think built those my man? I know Boeing and Lockheed Martin tech when I see it
December 22, 2025 at 9:19 PM
The Grinch hates capitalism and materialism yet he shows up on the scene armed to the teeth with Rotten Egg Launchers, Slime Shooters and Net Launchers. Who do you think built those my man? I know Boeing and Lockheed Martin tech when I see it
*the Grinch showing up on the scene armed to the teeth with his arsenal of Rotten Egg Launchers, Slime Shooters, Net Launchers and Flamethrowers*
Me: who hurt you
Me: who hurt you
December 22, 2025 at 9:16 PM
*the Grinch showing up on the scene armed to the teeth with his arsenal of Rotten Egg Launchers, Slime Shooters, Net Launchers and Flamethrowers*
Me: who hurt you
Me: who hurt you
Me: I have never seen The Wire
Guy Who Has Seen The Wire: what do you mean you’ve never seen The Wire??
Guy Who Has Seen The Wire: what do you mean you’ve never seen The Wire??
December 22, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Me: I have never seen The Wire
Guy Who Has Seen The Wire: what do you mean you’ve never seen The Wire??
Guy Who Has Seen The Wire: what do you mean you’ve never seen The Wire??
Dude have some respect it’s Toyotathon season for crying out loud. We all remember what you did last year at Lexus December to Remember. You definitely gave us something to remember all right. I’m gonna lose it if you somehow get to the coveted Happy Honda Days..
December 22, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Dude have some respect it’s Toyotathon season for crying out loud. We all remember what you did last year at Lexus December to Remember. You definitely gave us something to remember all right. I’m gonna lose it if you somehow get to the coveted Happy Honda Days..
There’s a podcast for every niche these days. I came across a podcast for people that want to hear people who know nothing about politics discuss politics. Oh wait, that one might be less niche than I thought
December 18, 2025 at 1:08 AM
There’s a podcast for every niche these days. I came across a podcast for people that want to hear people who know nothing about politics discuss politics. Oh wait, that one might be less niche than I thought
You can say all the right things and sometimes people still won’t get you. That big scary angel from the Bible would always tell people Be Not Afraid and guess what? People were still afraid
December 18, 2025 at 12:34 AM
You can say all the right things and sometimes people still won’t get you. That big scary angel from the Bible would always tell people Be Not Afraid and guess what? People were still afraid
Have you ever been in such a bad mood you just start getting mad at random shit? Why is the NBA still trying to convince me a Pelican can play basketball
December 18, 2025 at 12:23 AM
Have you ever been in such a bad mood you just start getting mad at random shit? Why is the NBA still trying to convince me a Pelican can play basketball
“Go touch grass”
Bro I have completely fused my entire being with the mycelium-fungal network beneath the ground and we move in unison as one hive mind. Touching grass is so 2022
Bro I have completely fused my entire being with the mycelium-fungal network beneath the ground and we move in unison as one hive mind. Touching grass is so 2022
December 18, 2025 at 12:17 AM
“Go touch grass”
Bro I have completely fused my entire being with the mycelium-fungal network beneath the ground and we move in unison as one hive mind. Touching grass is so 2022
Bro I have completely fused my entire being with the mycelium-fungal network beneath the ground and we move in unison as one hive mind. Touching grass is so 2022
I’m sorry I missed your email I was traversing the astral plane in my ethereal body
December 17, 2025 at 5:20 AM
I’m sorry I missed your email I was traversing the astral plane in my ethereal body
Conspiracy theorists be like what do you mean you’re not familiar with the Reptilian Torpedo Seaport plot of 1973??? There’s a YouTube series I need to show you ASAP
December 16, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Conspiracy theorists be like what do you mean you’re not familiar with the Reptilian Torpedo Seaport plot of 1973??? There’s a YouTube series I need to show you ASAP
“Go touch grass”
Bro I have already completely fused my entire being with the mycelium network beneath the ground, touching grass is so 2022
Bro I have already completely fused my entire being with the mycelium network beneath the ground, touching grass is so 2022
December 16, 2025 at 11:46 PM
“Go touch grass”
Bro I have already completely fused my entire being with the mycelium network beneath the ground, touching grass is so 2022
Bro I have already completely fused my entire being with the mycelium network beneath the ground, touching grass is so 2022