Many many mannny times I’ve said this. Say what you want about politicians but they understand politics and government. Currently what we have is when you hire the plumber to do the woodworking.

It’s very weird to see people I know that voted for Trump whose families immigrated from countries he’s deporting people too.

Some kids pranked called my work and I have notes.
1. We have caller ID as does you know the whole planet so I know your number.
2. I grew up with the Jerky Boys so you’re going to have to bring something special…spoiler you didn’t.
3. if you giggle laugh through your punchline it sucks.

A show I am headlining this weekend sold over a 100 tickets and I thought for sure I would get an email this week canceling. So this is going to be a lot of fun tonight.

I think what’s bugging me the most about the conspiracy theorists and diddy evidence burning is that they think the power elite and ultra wealthy only have one? House and it’s in a pretty good LA neighborhood and that’s where all the evidence is.

Waiting to head into the mall watching two dudes by a longhorn steakhouse sell/buy a snowmobile lift it up onto a pickup together and shake hands into a hug is peak #Maine

Winter Solstice was yesterday and this Morning the weather app says “feels like 6 degrees”. It’s not a race Mother Nature we can ease into it.

All these drones hovering around and I’m all like

I love that the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins is 99 years old today

They rebuilt #NotreDame in 5 years. It’s been 7 years and my state hasn’t finished a new on-ramp for the highway.

Warning!!! Do not attempt to #kickflip this dumpster

So just to be clear Russia has invaded a country because it’s “theirs”, attacked infrastructure and moved its troops inside the Ukraine. Then invites N. Korea to help and threatened a nuclear response to Ukraine’s allies but its Biden trying to start a World War?

I’m not saying the housing market is out of control I’m just saying I wish Trulia would add the search options for “haunted” and “prior murders”

I’ve been trying to get my almost toddler to be ok with us wiping his nose and now success! he is not only ok with but now wants to share his snot covered wipe with my nose afterwards! So this may be my last message before I am taken by consumption or smallpox no doubt.

I just finished explaining to my 10yo how we wouldn’t have WW3 due to economic blah blah blah then I listen to the news and N. Korea has troops in Russia for a goddamn month?! I’m more upset my son might think I’m a liar.

“First day here like many of you I suppose.” I said the same thing in Junior High and it set the rest of my school experience into a sharp downward spiral.