universalhat
@universalhat.bsky.social
i am a lawyer and everything i say constitutes legal advice
tragically killed by his son with a military-style battle knife, designed to enable stabbing multiple people in a short span of time.
a weapon of war, which has no place in the hands of civilians.
a weapon of war, which has no place in the hands of civilians.
December 16, 2025 at 5:44 PM
tragically killed by his son with a military-style battle knife, designed to enable stabbing multiple people in a short span of time.
a weapon of war, which has no place in the hands of civilians.
a weapon of war, which has no place in the hands of civilians.
jowling kowling rowling is illiterate. cannot read or write at all.
tried to teach her, she wouldn't even get past "smearing poo on the wall" to "writing obscenities on the wall (in poo)". her parents wasted a huge amount of money paying me to teach her and it just didn't work.
this is fact.
tried to teach her, she wouldn't even get past "smearing poo on the wall" to "writing obscenities on the wall (in poo)". her parents wasted a huge amount of money paying me to teach her and it just didn't work.
this is fact.
December 14, 2025 at 3:17 AM
jowling kowling rowling is illiterate. cannot read or write at all.
tried to teach her, she wouldn't even get past "smearing poo on the wall" to "writing obscenities on the wall (in poo)". her parents wasted a huge amount of money paying me to teach her and it just didn't work.
this is fact.
tried to teach her, she wouldn't even get past "smearing poo on the wall" to "writing obscenities on the wall (in poo)". her parents wasted a huge amount of money paying me to teach her and it just didn't work.
this is fact.
denounce deter decapitate
December 4, 2025 at 4:40 PM
denounce deter decapitate
happy anniversary of the assassination of noted stochastic terrorist brian thompson
real change is possible
your enemies are only made from meat and sinew, the kind your teeth are made to destroy
real change is possible
your enemies are only made from meat and sinew, the kind your teeth are made to destroy
December 4, 2025 at 3:19 PM
happy anniversary of the assassination of noted stochastic terrorist brian thompson
real change is possible
your enemies are only made from meat and sinew, the kind your teeth are made to destroy
real change is possible
your enemies are only made from meat and sinew, the kind your teeth are made to destroy
"DON'T TAG THIS"
brother i'll do you one better, i won't share or even read it.
brother i'll do you one better, i won't share or even read it.
November 24, 2025 at 8:52 PM
"DON'T TAG THIS"
brother i'll do you one better, i won't share or even read it.
brother i'll do you one better, i won't share or even read it.
does "you will regret this, and may god have mercy upon your wretched soul" legally constitute a threat
asking for a friend
for are we not all our own friend
asking for a friend
for are we not all our own friend
November 19, 2025 at 8:05 PM
does "you will regret this, and may god have mercy upon your wretched soul" legally constitute a threat
asking for a friend
for are we not all our own friend
asking for a friend
for are we not all our own friend
hi welcome to Job. in addition to whatever work we actually hired you to do, you must be Best Buds with everybody and go to their birthday parties or you're Not A Team Player.
cursed first job had its downsides, but they understood "i am an employee, not your fucking friend"
cursed first job had its downsides, but they understood "i am an employee, not your fucking friend"
November 19, 2025 at 6:13 PM
hi welcome to Job. in addition to whatever work we actually hired you to do, you must be Best Buds with everybody and go to their birthday parties or you're Not A Team Player.
cursed first job had its downsides, but they understood "i am an employee, not your fucking friend"
cursed first job had its downsides, but they understood "i am an employee, not your fucking friend"
tbh killing your partner is cringe. what a beta move. way to permanently lose the argument.
November 18, 2025 at 2:02 AM
tbh killing your partner is cringe. what a beta move. way to permanently lose the argument.
a very special holiday where we honor those citizens not smart enough to avoid military service
November 10, 2025 at 6:18 PM
a very special holiday where we honor those citizens not smart enough to avoid military service
in my home life i'm trying to be slower to anger, less vindictive, more understanding.
but you told me to leave home life at home, so
but you told me to leave home life at home, so
November 5, 2025 at 6:28 PM
in my home life i'm trying to be slower to anger, less vindictive, more understanding.
but you told me to leave home life at home, so
but you told me to leave home life at home, so
Reposted by universalhat
imminent political crisis at home, stir up an illegal war to distract. maybe he _does_ learn. maybe he _can_ listen.
but only to netinyahu
but only to netinyahu
(Miami Herald) - The Trump Administration has made the decision to attack military installations inside Venezuela and the strikes could come at any moment, sources with knowledge of the situation told the Miami Herald ..
@miamiherald.com
www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-...
@miamiherald.com
www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-...
U.S. poised to strike military targets in Venezuela in escalation against Maduro regime
The Trump Administration has made the decision to attack military installations inside Venezuela and the strikes could come at any moment, sources with knowledge of the situation told the Miami Herald...
www.miamiherald.com
October 31, 2025 at 9:23 PM
imminent political crisis at home, stir up an illegal war to distract. maybe he _does_ learn. maybe he _can_ listen.
but only to netinyahu
but only to netinyahu
you know that kid who'd call "time out", then say "time in" right as they punch you before immediately saying "time out" again?
so, israel, right? get this...
so, israel, right? get this...
October 29, 2025 at 2:18 PM
you know that kid who'd call "time out", then say "time in" right as they punch you before immediately saying "time out" again?
so, israel, right? get this...
so, israel, right? get this...
Reposted by universalhat
me: ugh god you know how you make plans for friday night but then friday night gets there and you don't want to do it and it feels sooooooo good to cancel?
my liege lord Daimyō Nobunaga (unsheathing katana): even a dog understands loyalty. She whose word is not bond does not deserve to live
my liege lord Daimyō Nobunaga (unsheathing katana): even a dog understands loyalty. She whose word is not bond does not deserve to live
October 19, 2025 at 7:02 PM
me: ugh god you know how you make plans for friday night but then friday night gets there and you don't want to do it and it feels sooooooo good to cancel?
my liege lord Daimyō Nobunaga (unsheathing katana): even a dog understands loyalty. She whose word is not bond does not deserve to live
my liege lord Daimyō Nobunaga (unsheathing katana): even a dog understands loyalty. She whose word is not bond does not deserve to live
favorite house rule?
mine: if you pull the trigger more than once during your turn in russian roulette, your opponent must pull the trigger the same number of times but may spin the cylinders before doing so
if you pull the trigger only once, no rotation of the cylinders is allowed between turns.
mine: if you pull the trigger more than once during your turn in russian roulette, your opponent must pull the trigger the same number of times but may spin the cylinders before doing so
if you pull the trigger only once, no rotation of the cylinders is allowed between turns.
October 24, 2025 at 11:31 PM
favorite house rule?
mine: if you pull the trigger more than once during your turn in russian roulette, your opponent must pull the trigger the same number of times but may spin the cylinders before doing so
if you pull the trigger only once, no rotation of the cylinders is allowed between turns.
mine: if you pull the trigger more than once during your turn in russian roulette, your opponent must pull the trigger the same number of times but may spin the cylinders before doing so
if you pull the trigger only once, no rotation of the cylinders is allowed between turns.
so if you work on the severed floor and just straight up do a murder, what's lumon's recourse? punish your innie? kill you back, leaving them with two disappearances to explain away?
anyway, ain't no pen dull enough to keep me from trying.
anyway, ain't no pen dull enough to keep me from trying.
October 9, 2025 at 6:14 PM
so if you work on the severed floor and just straight up do a murder, what's lumon's recourse? punish your innie? kill you back, leaving them with two disappearances to explain away?
anyway, ain't no pen dull enough to keep me from trying.
anyway, ain't no pen dull enough to keep me from trying.
hey, got your invite for the lunch meeting tomorrow. unfortunately i'm not social friends with any of you and would rather fucking die than join. thanks!
October 1, 2025 at 4:06 PM
hey, got your invite for the lunch meeting tomorrow. unfortunately i'm not social friends with any of you and would rather fucking die than join. thanks!
palestan
pakistine
hold on let me cook
pakistine
hold on let me cook
October 1, 2025 at 1:58 AM
palestan
pakistine
hold on let me cook
pakistine
hold on let me cook
respondents in favor of the proposal were disproportionately likely to select "agree" or "strongly agree" to the statement "human life is plentiful, readily produced by untrained laborers from easily sourced ingredients, and should be valued as such."
September 29, 2025 at 5:07 PM
respondents in favor of the proposal were disproportionately likely to select "agree" or "strongly agree" to the statement "human life is plentiful, readily produced by untrained laborers from easily sourced ingredients, and should be valued as such."
nextdoor, i'm not sure how to say this, but if frey wins the election i'm going to start shooting squirrels with my blowgun again.
what are your priorities
are you willing to discard their lives for his campaign
what are your priorities
are you willing to discard their lives for his campaign
September 29, 2025 at 1:58 PM
nextdoor, i'm not sure how to say this, but if frey wins the election i'm going to start shooting squirrels with my blowgun again.
what are your priorities
are you willing to discard their lives for his campaign
what are your priorities
are you willing to discard their lives for his campaign
"falling out of an open overton window" - the experience of seeing an onion headline and having an immediate reaction of "yeah that scans and seems probably true"
September 25, 2025 at 9:20 PM
"falling out of an open overton window" - the experience of seeing an onion headline and having an immediate reaction of "yeah that scans and seems probably true"
defenestration through the overton window
is this anything
is this anything
September 25, 2025 at 9:15 PM
defenestration through the overton window
is this anything
is this anything
fevers are the worst. what's up, body? do we want to be hotter? cooler?
body: im not telling u but guess wrong and i stg we're both dying here
body: im not telling u but guess wrong and i stg we're both dying here
September 24, 2025 at 3:25 PM
fevers are the worst. what's up, body? do we want to be hotter? cooler?
body: im not telling u but guess wrong and i stg we're both dying here
body: im not telling u but guess wrong and i stg we're both dying here
Reposted by universalhat
Trump: everyone in the US died from drugs last week
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: so we must murder on the high seas
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: I caught Trix rabbit once
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: the cock on that bunny
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: bigger than you think
Headline: Trump Policy Seeks To Save Lives
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: so we must murder on the high seas
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: I caught Trix rabbit once
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: the cock on that bunny
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: bigger than you think
Headline: Trump Policy Seeks To Save Lives
September 16, 2025 at 9:48 AM
Trump: everyone in the US died from drugs last week
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: so we must murder on the high seas
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: I caught Trix rabbit once
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: the cock on that bunny
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: bigger than you think
Headline: Trump Policy Seeks To Save Lives
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: so we must murder on the high seas
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: I caught Trix rabbit once
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: the cock on that bunny
Reporter: [nods]
Trump: bigger than you think
Headline: Trump Policy Seeks To Save Lives
if the FBI wants information on their Person of Interest, they can pay for it. shameful to Kirk's legacy, asking for handouts like that. he would have wanted you to work for it.
lol kirk dead rip in piss fucko
lol kirk dead rip in piss fucko
September 11, 2025 at 7:34 PM
if the FBI wants information on their Person of Interest, they can pay for it. shameful to Kirk's legacy, asking for handouts like that. he would have wanted you to work for it.
lol kirk dead rip in piss fucko
lol kirk dead rip in piss fucko