My theory is that they’ve just been extra clever and put Esther Perel’s idea that desire requires a little adversity into action as janky web code.

That throwback pic is a treat! In my head, you are so firmly associated with the bob that seeing you with long hair is a fun little imagination recalibration.

Is that like a salt pig, but in addled turkey form or am I overthinking this?

As someone who fought and defeated the Many*Vids UI to pick up every single one of them, I cannot recommend those vids highly enough.