Well, yesterday i've beaten my long standing zenit and am closer to my goal for this summer. Bonus challenge: Rain. Anway, time to think about updated goals. Mental health? A relationship? Yeah, sure, why not win the lottery right away? Let's stay realistic and just update my target distance . >_<

Should've trusted my guts. Saying everthing went south would be an understatement. Unexpected moral support came from my fitnesstracker. It lost the signal and giftet me the distance I miss for my current goal. I appreciate the thought, but wherever from, I'm confident enough to reach it on my own

Started to drive myself crazy over a date, so I decided to release some steam. Bad decession. I'm not nervous or anxious anymore, yeah, but as soon as my mind was clear again, all the previously blocked introusive thoughts came back. Right now I can't find any good reason to show up at all.
#mental

Well, it's been nearly a year, so why don't we try a bit of exposure therapy tonight? Am I sane/mature/healthy enough to act like I'm okay? tbh I don't think so, but there's always plan b: Smile, drink, and let the others do the talking.

#stillahotmess #unhealthybehaviour #letmerest

Today I went hiking for the first time ever. The one on a mountain with rocks and climbing passages. I have to admit I myself am surprised that I survived. Mostly because the void was calling loud.

#callofthevoid #hiking #survior #mental #gettinginshape #slimcoffin

Currently I'm having way too many America Psycho-related train of thoughts. I'm not seeing myself as an austrian Bateman, it's more like I'm constantly wondering/day dreaming about what sorts of degenrated stuff could or are happeninng behind my neighbours doors.
#coughingbastard #creepysmiles

There are healthier combinations than drowing in loneliness and listening to Black Metal. But it's Adrienne Cowan...
(Funny thing tho, today I learned about the existence of DBM. Consider me kinda courious...)

#loneliness #blackmetal #yass-waddah #adriennecowan

Not that long ago I found a great explanation for the voices in my head. But that article seems to be lost in the dephts of the internet. Right now I'm satisfied enough that I found several sources that in Buddhismn this also seems to be "okay".
#insanity #voices #inmyhead

One of my biggest fears is to become stuck in a mindset like it's mentioned in this song. I have/had several friends who did and I while they seem to find their peace with it, I don't think I am -that- introverted.
#mental #fears #introverted #antisocial

I always thought I had pyromaniac tendencies. That was until I meet a real pyromaniac. Really nice girl but dangerously creepy as soon as fire came into play. Even talking about it changed her.
#pyromaniac #mental #disorder #crazyeyes

Many years before even the last pieces of any self confidence got eradicated, I succumbed self hatred. 'Me, Myself, My Enemy' by Sinergy became one of the most important songs of my youth because it seemed like that there were people who understood what was going on in my head.
#selfhatred #mental

It might be the post-festival-melancholy speaking but Amorphis 'Among Stars' seems to be the most emotional moving song I've heard/encountered in a while. -_-

('Daughter of hate' is still my favorite track from the 'Queen of time')

#metal #melancholy #amorphis #emotional

The second time I went to a festival alone and the second time I had to check my photos afterwards to asure myself my stupid brain didn't made the fellows I found up. >_<

#notentirelysane #loosingmymind #aloneaf #copingmechanism