one last thing: I'm so sorry if you're struggling. but I'm not a therapist or trained in counseling or suicide prevention. I have limited bandwidth myself. I'm just a guy who's there too, not somebody who can fix this for you. I wish I could. please reach out to somebody appropriate, *not* me

okay one last last thing

i hope this thread helps somebody in some way. i hope all of us can come together and make this right in some way. even if it's just a small way, it matters. i know this is hard and i'm struggling to but we have to hang in there and be there for each other. do whatever it takes to do that, okay?

think about the kids right now who are looking to us to do something, and say something, and be there for them when nobody else is. we might be all they have and we owe it to them to stick around to be that for them, like our forebears were for us

don't think about the weak cowards who hate us. think about the millions who fought for us. think about the marginalized elders of past who fought not to win, but bc it buys another minute for someone else to live to see something meaningful come of it

remind yourself that you are the ONLY one who can offer what you have to offer to the world. whether it's creativity, or friendship, or energy, or humor, or just presence, nobody else can take your place. you are NEEDED and you are WANTED even if it doesn't feel like it right now

write down a list of phone numbers, @'s, emails, etc of people who have told you to reach out if you need help. call this list 'people to reach out to'. and when you're feeling bad look at it and take it in even if you don't actually go through with reaching out. people love you and they care

if you have things in your home that you could use to do the deed, get rid of them. even just temporarily. i'm talking sharp knives, exactos, meds with fatal overdose effects (this includes tylenol), anything. get up right now and throw them away or give it to someone else for safekeeping

booze and drugs at best delay and at worst ruin. i get it. believe me. but we can do better stuff with our energy than delay. i'm not judging but ask yourself if it's actually helping, or if it's just putting something off, and ask yourself how long you're willing to simply put it off

take your meds. they're not why you're feeling bad right now. i know it's tempting to blame them. but they're not at fault and destabilizing yourself in any way right now, even in a way that might ultimately prove positive, is not the clever move it feels like it is at this point in time

if you're feeling bad, say out loud 'stop it' and get up and do something nice for someone else. do it over and over again if you have to. literally yell it out loud if you have to

make a playlist of high energy music that makes you feel good and empowered. it can be happy or it can be angry, whatever gets you moving and motivated

make note of stuff that happens or that you see that's cool. this is not a gratitude journal. gratitude makes me feel guilty and anxious. this is just 'it was sunny today and that was nice'. or 'my leftovers tasted awesome' or 'i saw a nice flower' 'my friend sent a heart emoji'

make a list of stuff you don't want to miss. it doesn't matter if it's stupid stuff. mine has 'whatever happens with agatha and billy and tommy next' and 'maybe someday my brother will have kids' and 'i want to play dragon age 4' and 'next summer' and 'seeing my friend tomorrow' on it

don't feel bad about indulging in stupid shit. i'm going gonzo for superheroes right now. they make me feel good and they make me feel like i can BE good and that's all that matters. it doesn't matter if it's embarrassing. indulge the fuck out of it

find something meaningful to do. anything. donation. volunteering. some creative project. reach out to comfort others. choose one thing you really fucking care about and make that your Thing. mine is SMI, specifically bipolar/schizophrenia. yours can be *anything*, just focus

i know it feels like you'll just be bringing people down or wasting their energy. don't do it. isolation is the power-sucker of all time. force yourself to reach out or say yes to someone else reaching out. FORCE IT if you have to, even if it's not a good time