Zero sugar? That's going to taste like wall insulation.

I'll say the same thing I say every time the checkout asks if I want to "pay with my palm print."

Hell fucking no, I don't.

Everything is a grift these days. Things that used to be free? Now a subscription service. Want to apply for jobs on a jobs or freelance platform? Gotta pay up. I hate everything.

Was the spider in your house?

Don't be silly. Being a villain isn't the ONLY requirement for a cushy appointment. You also have to be a Republican who has spent a certain number of hours kissing Chump's ass.

I laugh every time TurboTax asks if I have any assets in foreign bank accounts. Like, I wish!

Any work of fiction should do.

Where do you think the cat treats come from? Santa Paws?

I'm about to start Moonhaven.

Chump pulled them out of his ass and fired anyone who would have pushed back.

"Looks crunchy and good with ketchup."

That noise is so cute. I wonder what Neptune is saying.

Hi, Bob!

I owe the library $48 in overdue fines.

Sir would also like to eat a sandwich.

I went from 34K one year (doesn't sound like much but is the most I've ever made in my life) to 22k the next, and this year I'll be lucky if I make 15k. I had to sign up for Instacart and an online tutoring site that promised $40/hr but starts at $18. The AI slop that replaced me isn't even GOOD.

WTAF.