dearth of horny for Donna Reed posts on this site I don’t think it’s got the juice

one innocent drunk text in the group chat and now we’re making a chainsaw guitar

she ghosted when I said my attachment style is “Frank Burns”

my “genocide is bad” tshirt has people asking a lot of questions unrelated to my tshirt

I have champagne taste and a Steel Reserve face

hey on the bright side at least we all die

me watching soccer on tv [misses only goal of the game bc I went to the bathroom]

me at a soccer game [misses only goal of the game bc I went to the bathroom]

me (heading into client meeting): does my hair look ok?

coworker: in what context?

I’m not gonna admit exactly how much Taco Bell I just ate but the bag set off the passenger seat belt sensor

let’s get weird [throws phone in to the sea]