Weekday Jokes
@weekdayjokes.bsky.social
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You barium
You barium
November 28, 2025 at 5:24 PM
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You barium
You barium
I’ll never forget the time my class dissected a pig iris in high school biology.
It was a real eye-opening experience
It was a real eye-opening experience
November 28, 2025 at 3:46 PM
I’ll never forget the time my class dissected a pig iris in high school biology.
It was a real eye-opening experience
It was a real eye-opening experience
English can be a difficult language to master.
Sometimes you accidentally switch two letters and the whole sentence is urined
Sometimes you accidentally switch two letters and the whole sentence is urined
November 28, 2025 at 3:23 PM
English can be a difficult language to master.
Sometimes you accidentally switch two letters and the whole sentence is urined
Sometimes you accidentally switch two letters and the whole sentence is urined
My father was a conjoined twin.
His brother was my uncle once removed
His brother was my uncle once removed
November 28, 2025 at 1:06 PM
My father was a conjoined twin.
His brother was my uncle once removed
His brother was my uncle once removed
Whenever I go to a psychic, they're either angry or depressed.
I’ve never met a happy medium
I’ve never met a happy medium
November 28, 2025 at 10:03 AM
Whenever I go to a psychic, they're either angry or depressed.
I’ve never met a happy medium
I’ve never met a happy medium
My son asked me if I wanted him to shred more cheese.
I said yes l'd grately appreciate it
I said yes l'd grately appreciate it
November 28, 2025 at 9:14 AM
My son asked me if I wanted him to shred more cheese.
I said yes l'd grately appreciate it
I said yes l'd grately appreciate it
Sad news today, the inventor of the USB was laid to rest.
When they lowered the coffin they had to bring it back up, flip it over then lower it again
When they lowered the coffin they had to bring it back up, flip it over then lower it again
November 28, 2025 at 8:19 AM
Sad news today, the inventor of the USB was laid to rest.
When they lowered the coffin they had to bring it back up, flip it over then lower it again
When they lowered the coffin they had to bring it back up, flip it over then lower it again
Not sure what the best thing about Switzerland is.
But their flag is a big plus
But their flag is a big plus
November 28, 2025 at 6:11 AM
Not sure what the best thing about Switzerland is.
But their flag is a big plus
But their flag is a big plus
Did you hear about the drunk circumciser?
He got the sack
He got the sack
November 28, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Did you hear about the drunk circumciser?
He got the sack
He got the sack
Did you hear about the new squirrel diet?
It's just nuts
It's just nuts
November 27, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Did you hear about the new squirrel diet?
It's just nuts
It's just nuts
Killer whales have recently started attacking boats.
Police fear it's orcanised crime
Police fear it's orcanised crime
November 27, 2025 at 9:09 PM
Killer whales have recently started attacking boats.
Police fear it's orcanised crime
Police fear it's orcanised crime
Breaking news: A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
Scientists are left scratching their heads
Scientists are left scratching their heads
November 27, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Breaking news: A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
Scientists are left scratching their heads
Scientists are left scratching their heads
Did you see the new film about the world’s largest jug?
It's been nominated for Best Pitcher
It's been nominated for Best Pitcher
November 27, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Did you see the new film about the world’s largest jug?
It's been nominated for Best Pitcher
It's been nominated for Best Pitcher
What do you call a colour that doesn't exist?
A pigment of your imagination
A pigment of your imagination
November 27, 2025 at 4:25 PM
What do you call a colour that doesn't exist?
A pigment of your imagination
A pigment of your imagination
To ride the horse or to not ride the horse…
That is equestrian
That is equestrian
November 27, 2025 at 3:10 PM
To ride the horse or to not ride the horse…
That is equestrian
That is equestrian
I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine.
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
November 27, 2025 at 1:28 PM
I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine.
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
During a recent game of poker, everyone got a turn to be the dealer, except for me.
It was not an I deal situation
It was not an I deal situation
November 27, 2025 at 12:06 PM
During a recent game of poker, everyone got a turn to be the dealer, except for me.
It was not an I deal situation
It was not an I deal situation
My tree sap collection business is going great.
Just opened up another branch
Just opened up another branch
November 27, 2025 at 9:25 AM
My tree sap collection business is going great.
Just opened up another branch
Just opened up another branch
I never understood why people dislike vegans so much.
I’ve never had any beef with them
I’ve never had any beef with them
November 27, 2025 at 7:49 AM
I never understood why people dislike vegans so much.
I’ve never had any beef with them
I’ve never had any beef with them
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from the children just like the bottle says
November 27, 2025 at 6:55 AM
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from the children just like the bottle says
Why did the farmer buy loads of chicks?
They were all going cheap
They were all going cheap
November 27, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Why did the farmer buy loads of chicks?
They were all going cheap
They were all going cheap
My brother was a lion tamer. When he went bankrupt they took almost everything.
But at least he still has his pride
But at least he still has his pride
November 26, 2025 at 10:42 PM
My brother was a lion tamer. When he went bankrupt they took almost everything.
But at least he still has his pride
But at least he still has his pride
Passed a girl sobbing on the side of the road.
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
November 26, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Passed a girl sobbing on the side of the road.
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
I walked past a sign that said “watch repairs here.”
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
November 26, 2025 at 7:22 PM
I walked past a sign that said “watch repairs here.”
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
It wasn't me that made my flowers grow, it was the morning mist.
I have to give credit where credit is dew
I have to give credit where credit is dew
November 26, 2025 at 6:17 PM
It wasn't me that made my flowers grow, it was the morning mist.
I have to give credit where credit is dew
I have to give credit where credit is dew