Scott
@wherestheboof.bsky.social
A random man on the street once requested to see more of my knees.
I'd rather my cat hiss in my face than piss in my face.
And I'll say that til the day I day.
And I'll say that til the day I day.
April 13, 2025 at 3:13 AM
I'd rather my cat hiss in my face than piss in my face.
And I'll say that til the day I day.
And I'll say that til the day I day.
If I found out tomorrow that Dracula was real AND he wanted to kill ME?
I wouldn't be sure if I should feel scared or honored.
I wouldn't be sure if I should feel scared or honored.
April 12, 2025 at 4:31 AM
If I found out tomorrow that Dracula was real AND he wanted to kill ME?
I wouldn't be sure if I should feel scared or honored.
I wouldn't be sure if I should feel scared or honored.
I eat two bagels a week, both on the same day, one with cream cheese and one with hummus.
Being married to me is a laugh a fucking minute.
Being married to me is a laugh a fucking minute.
February 28, 2025 at 5:23 AM
I eat two bagels a week, both on the same day, one with cream cheese and one with hummus.
Being married to me is a laugh a fucking minute.
Being married to me is a laugh a fucking minute.
Taco Bell opened in 1962. That's 63 years of putting onions in bean burritos.
So, if you made a small mistake today, know that Taco Bell has been doing **the same** mistake for 63 years and they're still the best fast food in the world.
So, if you made a small mistake today, know that Taco Bell has been doing **the same** mistake for 63 years and they're still the best fast food in the world.
February 1, 2025 at 2:01 AM
Taco Bell opened in 1962. That's 63 years of putting onions in bean burritos.
So, if you made a small mistake today, know that Taco Bell has been doing **the same** mistake for 63 years and they're still the best fast food in the world.
So, if you made a small mistake today, know that Taco Bell has been doing **the same** mistake for 63 years and they're still the best fast food in the world.
Gorillas CAN'T be as strong as they say. I dont know who's passing out gorilla propaganda but I GOTTA believe I could beat one in a fight. All they eat is bamboo or something! I eat cheeseburgers!
January 31, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Gorillas CAN'T be as strong as they say. I dont know who's passing out gorilla propaganda but I GOTTA believe I could beat one in a fight. All they eat is bamboo or something! I eat cheeseburgers!
On a plane, if you stand in the aisle the very second the seat belt light comes off after landing, the plane is required BY LAW to acknowledge that you're cooler and more important than everyone else. And you get your choose which passenger to execute.
I wish it wasn't true but hey, that's life.
I wish it wasn't true but hey, that's life.
January 25, 2025 at 8:01 PM
On a plane, if you stand in the aisle the very second the seat belt light comes off after landing, the plane is required BY LAW to acknowledge that you're cooler and more important than everyone else. And you get your choose which passenger to execute.
I wish it wasn't true but hey, that's life.
I wish it wasn't true but hey, that's life.
Sometimes, you get a text from your dad and you're like, "i really just feel like I know he's nude right now."
January 19, 2025 at 3:03 AM
Sometimes, you get a text from your dad and you're like, "i really just feel like I know he's nude right now."
Elbows are just upstairs-knees and I'm fucking sick of pretending otherwise.
January 16, 2025 at 6:12 AM
Elbows are just upstairs-knees and I'm fucking sick of pretending otherwise.
Whenever a bot follows you on social media, an angel gets to watch a rerun of Wings and Tony Shalhoub's residuals check gets a little bigger.
January 14, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Whenever a bot follows you on social media, an angel gets to watch a rerun of Wings and Tony Shalhoub's residuals check gets a little bigger.
Sometimes, instead of making a real dinner, my wife and I will just load up a baking pan with nachos and throw it in the over for 15m. Then, we just put the baking tray between us and eat like two sloppy fat pigs who love each other but also know the true meaning of trough.
January 13, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Sometimes, instead of making a real dinner, my wife and I will just load up a baking pan with nachos and throw it in the over for 15m. Then, we just put the baking tray between us and eat like two sloppy fat pigs who love each other but also know the true meaning of trough.
Driving through a Costco parking lot on Saturday afternoon is the opposite of Lipitor.
January 11, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Driving through a Costco parking lot on Saturday afternoon is the opposite of Lipitor.
Bones are a mystery to mankind.
January 9, 2025 at 6:00 AM
Bones are a mystery to mankind.
I don't understand people who strip to poo. I put ON clothes to poo.
January 8, 2025 at 3:49 AM
I don't understand people who strip to poo. I put ON clothes to poo.
Just won an argument with my 4yo about whether or not "mill" is a word. The conversation culminated then in him asking me what it means and I immediately regretted my prior confidence.
"It's a ... thing that ... does stuff."
"It's a ... thing that ... does stuff."
January 6, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Just won an argument with my 4yo about whether or not "mill" is a word. The conversation culminated then in him asking me what it means and I immediately regretted my prior confidence.
"It's a ... thing that ... does stuff."
"It's a ... thing that ... does stuff."
It's been a minute since I had the HOLY SHIT, WILDLY AGGRESSIVE DRIVER in an Uber.
I forgot that stop signs are optional and pedestrians are simply cones to be dodged.
It's a gentle reminder that death comes for us all.
I forgot that stop signs are optional and pedestrians are simply cones to be dodged.
It's a gentle reminder that death comes for us all.
January 4, 2025 at 11:51 PM
It's been a minute since I had the HOLY SHIT, WILDLY AGGRESSIVE DRIVER in an Uber.
I forgot that stop signs are optional and pedestrians are simply cones to be dodged.
It's a gentle reminder that death comes for us all.
I forgot that stop signs are optional and pedestrians are simply cones to be dodged.
It's a gentle reminder that death comes for us all.
My 4yo most mornings: time is simply a construct of man - there's no such thing as LATE.
My 4yo on Saturdays: DAD. ITS 715AM. I WANNA BE DRESSED AND READY IN 30 SECONDS. WE HAVE NOWHERE TO BE, BUT I'M GONNA FUCKING BE THERE.
My 4yo on Saturdays: DAD. ITS 715AM. I WANNA BE DRESSED AND READY IN 30 SECONDS. WE HAVE NOWHERE TO BE, BUT I'M GONNA FUCKING BE THERE.
January 4, 2025 at 1:36 PM
My 4yo most mornings: time is simply a construct of man - there's no such thing as LATE.
My 4yo on Saturdays: DAD. ITS 715AM. I WANNA BE DRESSED AND READY IN 30 SECONDS. WE HAVE NOWHERE TO BE, BUT I'M GONNA FUCKING BE THERE.
My 4yo on Saturdays: DAD. ITS 715AM. I WANNA BE DRESSED AND READY IN 30 SECONDS. WE HAVE NOWHERE TO BE, BUT I'M GONNA FUCKING BE THERE.
When you really stop and think about it, every restaurant just serves a DIY Poop Making kit for your body.
January 3, 2025 at 12:32 AM
When you really stop and think about it, every restaurant just serves a DIY Poop Making kit for your body.
Using a sharpie is the act of someone who's confident in their word choice, spelling capabilities, and their finger strength to avoid the sharpie flying out of their hands and adding a smattering of black dots onto their shirt and pants.
December 31, 2024 at 1:48 PM
Using a sharpie is the act of someone who's confident in their word choice, spelling capabilities, and their finger strength to avoid the sharpie flying out of their hands and adding a smattering of black dots onto their shirt and pants.
In a world where MOST are infected with a terminal case of the Woke Mind Virus, 2024 finally gave us underage portable toilets that'll get drunk and take their tops off for the enjoyment of male portable toilets everywhere.
To quote @kamalahqrepeater.bsky.social "We did it, Joe (Francis)."
To quote @kamalahqrepeater.bsky.social "We did it, Joe (Francis)."
December 28, 2024 at 9:33 PM
In a world where MOST are infected with a terminal case of the Woke Mind Virus, 2024 finally gave us underage portable toilets that'll get drunk and take their tops off for the enjoyment of male portable toilets everywhere.
To quote @kamalahqrepeater.bsky.social "We did it, Joe (Francis)."
To quote @kamalahqrepeater.bsky.social "We did it, Joe (Francis)."
Sometimes, my wife and son speak Lakota to each other and I'm like, "is this what she feels like when I talk about Transformers lore?"
December 26, 2024 at 11:21 PM
Sometimes, my wife and son speak Lakota to each other and I'm like, "is this what she feels like when I talk about Transformers lore?"
Why is it a tradition to try and ruin my Christmas morning by making me feel bad about not wanting AT ALL to have some of the ham my mom worked REALLY hard on because ham is fucking gross?
Also, it's my own internal guilt that makes me feel bad. My mom's never said a word. Nor would she.
Also, it's my own internal guilt that makes me feel bad. My mom's never said a word. Nor would she.
December 26, 2024 at 5:12 AM
Why is it a tradition to try and ruin my Christmas morning by making me feel bad about not wanting AT ALL to have some of the ham my mom worked REALLY hard on because ham is fucking gross?
Also, it's my own internal guilt that makes me feel bad. My mom's never said a word. Nor would she.
Also, it's my own internal guilt that makes me feel bad. My mom's never said a word. Nor would she.
Not enough people know that "Sammy Hagar" is short for "Samantha Hagar the Horrible."
December 24, 2024 at 4:48 PM
Not enough people know that "Sammy Hagar" is short for "Samantha Hagar the Horrible."
I heard from a source close to the matter that LucasArts is, not only NOT making *more* Indiana Jones videogames, but also that they're rounding up old copies of Indy games and burning them. They're going door-to-door and you HAVE TO comply or they'll kill Harrison Ford.
Pretty messed up.
Pretty messed up.
December 23, 2024 at 1:52 PM
I heard from a source close to the matter that LucasArts is, not only NOT making *more* Indiana Jones videogames, but also that they're rounding up old copies of Indy games and burning them. They're going door-to-door and you HAVE TO comply or they'll kill Harrison Ford.
Pretty messed up.
Pretty messed up.
What i like about using Waze while in traffic is watching my arrival time get further away, letting my dad-brain know I've failed in real time.
December 22, 2024 at 1:26 PM
What i like about using Waze while in traffic is watching my arrival time get further away, letting my dad-brain know I've failed in real time.
My kid is just starting to love Legos and I suddenly feel so excited yet vaguely poorer.
December 16, 2024 at 1:11 AM
My kid is just starting to love Legos and I suddenly feel so excited yet vaguely poorer.