Crabnuts Gummage
@whyisntjonathon.bsky.social
There are many roads to fame and fortune. Jonathan will take them all.
Meyers-Briggs is just astrology for college girls.
August 1, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Meyers-Briggs is just astrology for college girls.
Am I crazy, or does the ESRB have a rating warning for DIVERSITY???
May 21, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Am I crazy, or does the ESRB have a rating warning for DIVERSITY???
Why isn’t Jonathan “Jonny the Jester, the official mascot of April Fools Day”?
April 1, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Why isn’t Jonathan “Jonny the Jester, the official mascot of April Fools Day”?
Jon Fact Friday:
Jonathan once killed a man in cold blood. To this day, he refuses to learn the man’s name.
Jonathan once killed a man in cold blood. To this day, he refuses to learn the man’s name.
March 29, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Jon Fact Friday:
Jonathan once killed a man in cold blood. To this day, he refuses to learn the man’s name.
Jonathan once killed a man in cold blood. To this day, he refuses to learn the man’s name.
Why hasn’t Jonathan turned heel?
March 10, 2025 at 5:31 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan turned heel?
Why hasn’t Jonathan extended my warranty?
March 9, 2025 at 5:44 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan extended my warranty?
Why doesn’t Jonathan lay eggs to lower prices?
March 4, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Why doesn’t Jonathan lay eggs to lower prices?
Why isn’t Jonathan leading the revolution?
March 4, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Why isn’t Jonathan leading the revolution?
Why hasn’t Jonathan invented a cure for hangovers?
February 22, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Why hasn’t Jonathan invented a cure for hangovers?
Jon Fact Friday: Jonathan is in romantic love with Capitalism, but is in sinful lust with Communism.
February 21, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Jon Fact Friday: Jonathan is in romantic love with Capitalism, but is in sinful lust with Communism.
Jon Fact Friday: Jonathan knows every word to half of White Zombie’s songs, and half the words to every White Snake song.
February 14, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Jon Fact Friday: Jonathan knows every word to half of White Zombie’s songs, and half the words to every White Snake song.
Jon Fact Friday: Jonathan once snorted an entire pallet of Pixie Stix in one sitting.
January 31, 2025 at 5:49 AM
Jon Fact Friday: Jonathan once snorted an entire pallet of Pixie Stix in one sitting.
Why isn’t Jonathan exploiting my loophole?
January 19, 2025 at 5:14 AM
Why isn’t Jonathan exploiting my loophole?
Why isn’t Jonathan a sexual gryphon?
January 16, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Why isn’t Jonathan a sexual gryphon?
Why hasn’t Jonathan invoked Prima Nocta?
January 14, 2025 at 6:02 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan invoked Prima Nocta?
Why isn’t Jonathan selling discount beaver meat?
January 10, 2025 at 4:59 AM
Why isn’t Jonathan selling discount beaver meat?
Why hasn’t Jonathan been remastered?
January 9, 2025 at 5:29 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan been remastered?
Why hasn’t Jonathan told “The Aristocrats” on public access television?
January 8, 2025 at 7:25 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan told “The Aristocrats” on public access television?
Why hasn’t Jonathan called Sloppy Seconds?
January 6, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan called Sloppy Seconds?
Why isn’t Jonathan reenacting Paul Revere’s Ride? (Open auditions for the role of his horse.)
January 2, 2025 at 6:12 AM
Why isn’t Jonathan reenacting Paul Revere’s Ride? (Open auditions for the role of his horse.)
Why isn’t Jonathan hiding inside a birthday cake for @commandersterling.bsky.social ?
January 1, 2025 at 1:03 PM
Why isn’t Jonathan hiding inside a birthday cake for @commandersterling.bsky.social ?
Why isn’t Jonathan slowly dropping his balls while counting down from 10?
January 1, 2025 at 6:41 AM
Why isn’t Jonathan slowly dropping his balls while counting down from 10?
Why hasn’t Jonathan cured my depression?
December 31, 2024 at 9:13 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan cured my depression?
Why isn’t Jonathan the world’s first one-man living nativity?
December 28, 2024 at 3:32 PM
Why isn’t Jonathan the world’s first one-man living nativity?
Why hasn’t Jonathan sold his soul to Santa?
December 11, 2024 at 6:02 AM
Why hasn’t Jonathan sold his soul to Santa?