Only Super Bowl I care about is one filled with Frosted Flakes.

Bowl of Frosted Flakes hates to see me comin’

I wonder if I can also become president when I dodge the draft for whatever bullshit fascist war

Guys! Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps DOES result in more money!

You just need life insurance and to make a noose with said bootstraps.

Oof.

New Superman trailer dropped. Big day for white dudes with curly hair and glasses.

I am a coward but I got a good heart: call it chicken tender

“Free thinking” anti consumerism leftists after they have overdosed on turkey:

My cats are a psyop sent from the deep state to bolster Big Purina

*wood chuck who sees wood that he would chuck because he could chuck*

“Hell yeah”

Maybe the real financial stability was the friends we made along the way

Hm.. it’s giving…. thanks

—- Unfinished jokes —-

- The forbidden fruit: vegetables

- the Jokers goon squad but instead of criminals it is literal gooners. “Oh no! They’re coming!”

- giving gifts: the gift giving that gift givers keep giving gifts to

- Santa is real, but he just hates poor people

- America

There isn’t a more perfect argument for birth control than Elon existing