And obviously I mean bad, not bad

I KNOW it's sooo bad

Dustin Hoffman did a McDonald's commercial and got paid in meat for his 10-year-old cute fluffy dog. I was in his fancy sports car as he pulled into a parking garage. The car seats were positioned so that we were laying down with our legs pointed 90 degrees in the air, for luxury comfort.

Happy Halloween to everybody but this guy

Cruise ship/my college. My grandparents wanted to ask the captain something. I led them to crew quarters/dorms bc I thought someone who wasn't steering the ship would take them more seriously. My grandma went ahead of me down a sloped concrete path, slipped, hit her face. My dad and I helped her up.

Extremely cursed

I have my own stupid little trinkets and crafts but it sounds like I would get along with ex gf

Within her first 30s on the court today 🔥

June 22: one ube espresso martini

June 21: many gay jello shots, a couple glasses of gay wine, and a gay espresso martini

June 20: back to espresso martinis, unfortunately

June 14: one weird pisco piña colada

June 11: four espresso martinis

June 9: one spicy watermelon margarita and one Long Island iced tea

I kidnapped a dictator's child for an MFA project.

June 5: two espresso martinis at drag bingo

I was living with my dad in my piano teacher's house. I went outside and walked around the neighborhood by myself looking at yards full of huge holiday decorations. I came back home and tried to make dinner but couldn't find ingredients, so went in the freezer to give my dad a popsicle instead.

It's giving rural juror