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Using a woman over two decades older than me as retribution.

On a positive note...

Is this projection? Stating he is aiming for "up here" while I'm stuck "down here" holding one hand higher than the other. He blames me for not being able to attend pilot lessons, which has been his dream because I'm not working as a nurse to support him. But he is who put my license in jeopardy.

He states that my choice to drink gave him the reason to go back on his promise. A promise not only made to me, but also himself, after stating how he desired a healthier life physically, mentally, and financially, which did not include visiting this bar multiple times per week. It is all my fault.

I was sober for 2 months and had a lapse after reliving these details and having a very rough Christmas. I understand it can be viewed as making an excuse for myself. As someone working in mental health, one would think he'd understand it as a coping mechanism and cry for help, not critism.

The night turned south after I showed up at Pappos Pizza, which has a bar. Calling himself a regular and the establishment his sanctuary. He states the staff, who are half his age, know the details of our relationship. That I am not welcome. He promised not to drink if he knew he would be around me.

"You alcoholics will make any and every excuse for yourself to drink." This man works in the field of mental health. The words he spoke last night were unforgivable.

A horrible detail of my life I was ashamed to speak of for years, until I felt I could no longer live with myself. I still struggled after a month of inpatient treatment. I explain this to him before exploding into tears. He said, "I have no compassion for you."

But The Narcissist will turn anything back onto you. My Narc told me I had used this detail of my life to "play victim", when, in fact, it was my fault for putting myself in that situation. It's possible that abuse may have been my "karma", but I use it as an excuse for becoming an alcoholic.

I was vulnerable when he asked about the trauma I experienced over a decade ago. I relived the moments, with each of his prying questions. I had compartmentalized it. It took every bit of that decade to learn how to forgive, forget, and move on with my life, not let sexual assault define me.

He has screamed "YOU are NOT The Victim, I AM!" We have both been The Victim, by definition, at multiple points in our lives. It's not a question of "who IS", but rather, "who IS choosing 'victim' to define their character?"

When he contacts other women, seeking validation, they send him articles about Amber Heard. Their supporting evidence which he uses to explain that I am The Narcissist, he is The Victim.

I'm forced to keep quiet about his abuse or he will "turn in this ex-parte" he filled out in front of me, reading the questions/details out. Proceeds to threaten it every week thereafter. Literally waving it in front of me.

When he tells me about seeing his friend who asks, "have you gotten rid of that crazy bitch yet?" each time they meet.

When he tells people I took his TV remote, he fails to mention the antecedent...him taking my vibrators.

When the statement is argued, he allows himself the excuse, stating he was, "angry and drunk at the time...not drunk, just had a couple drinks."

He said he did it to "get back for his gender, against women like me."