the difference between "i should do XXXXX as a ward against suicide" and "it is absolutely imperative that i do XXXXX to make staying alive some kind of meaningful"

i mean ive had glancing experiences with a lot of those lately but dissolving into nothing & being forced to reconstruct myself from first principles like, got me to basically the same place but more confident/intentional about it

cook cook cook cook cook cook cook!!!!!

i started on & still use the elektron model cycles - its pretty limited and def needs some processing to sound really good, but its like 350 dollars new, 250 used, and the elektron style sequencer is really fun and intuitive - you can get really weird with it if u put the time in

yeah, i had a miserable time but i honestly loved it. maybe the substance of all time for me

whatever i have dental thru medicaid ill be fine. its mostly just funny + annoying now

effie spends like 6 hours trying to talk me back into q good state of mind and as soon as i get there i am confronted with Decay. u could not write my life it would feel cliche

art/back