I'll never forgive them for not being there at my my first and only gallery showing, i was so proud of my work being included and they act like being remorseful and saying they didn't know it mattered to me is enough to quell my anger

"we can't have everything we want in life, that's just how it is" it wasn't a mere want but thanks for trying to be supportive i guess?

its honestly so disheartening how relieved my parents seem about me giving up on this but it's expected with the lack of enthusiasm they've always had about my career ambitions

like i could settle for a table loom but i don't want to settle for something i never wanted, my original plan was to work my way up to a TC2 through residencies and whatever but covid fucked that plan up real bad

tbh i shouldve taken a hint from the fact that a lot of my peers in college came from more privileged backgrounds or families of artisans... people like me don't get to do this stuff unless we really fight for it and i don't got that fight in me anymore

when i close my eyes i can imagine the game clearly and even play it but its always a losing hand 😔

and ofc that video is from someone of a certain demographic that made my childhood mental health struggles worse as a disruptive filipino kid... there's a damn good reason why my preference for therapists are poc and male...

how could you ever be sure a breakthrough or conversation wont directly prompt a silly video or some random mental health psa or something? id personally never be fully comfortable

when i went to change my address on my id the guy even commented it's real boring here compared to toronto like bro please i didn't need to hear that it's already BAD living with my mom

my current therapist was SO SO SO angry when i told him about this it was like he was thiiiis close to asking for her credentials to do something on my behalf lmao

at the very least i can take pictures of this anxiety riddled dog