Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 6d

Escalator stopped = jail time
Insurrection = presidential pardon

All perfectly normal behaviour from President Mango 👀👽

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 6d

Tim Walz: "My god, we've got the White House threatening investigations and jail time because an escalator stopped? Walk up the damn stairs!"

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 8d

Is it the tariff free popcorn 👀👽

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 8d

Now if you’re offering popcorn that would be a whole different conversation. We’ve recently become big fans of that particular Earth snack given what’s going on down there we are going through a LOT of it 🍿👽

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 8d

As kind an offer as that is I’m afraid we will have to hard decline. We have enough trouble keeping Elon away besides you don’t need us to tell you that certain humans are idiots / fashy/ manbanies (delete as appropriate)

Earth’s follies week 33: escalators, elbows, and El Taco’s endless ego

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 8d

They can keep expecting but we aren’t planning on invading any time soon and by that I mean ever. It’s your mess you broke it you fix it. The Galactic Council has unanimously decided that Earth isn’t worth the light years
You are definitely on your own on this one 👽

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 12d

Greetings Earthlings from Mars where we don’t cancel comedians because we aren’t paper thin skinned manbabies 😏

Anyway enough about us let’s look at you and all I can say is are you ok?!

No seriously blink once for yes and twice for no 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
P.S. Elbows Up 👾

From UN rants to elbowed Canadians,and Disney’s climbdown to phantom wars, Planet Earth proves chaos is apparently a leadership strategy

Earth’s Follies week 32: lawsuits, population drop offs and cancel culture

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 19d

Lawsuits HUGE!!! The FAKEST numbers!!!! Protests BIGLY!!! This week your absurdity is crazier than a Martian dust storm

Fear not carbon life forms I am here to digest your ever increasingly unhinged behaviour.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!! 👽😏

Trump sues the Times for $15bn, rants at Windsor, kills off 300m Americans, and cancels comedy

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 25d

We have been discussing whether it might be necessary to put up a huge banner that reads WE ARE HERE just so you all are on the same page and aware that we have been existing here happily for millennia 👽

Earth’s Follies Week 31: Leopard spots, AI bombs, and the carnival of Human chaos

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · 26d

*taps mic* is this thing on ?!
Greetings Earthlings! I’m back once again to attempt to make sense of whatever is going on down there.
Grab your popcorn we have rock shock, ambassadors getting yeeted and of course President Clementina is being fashy
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER

Spotted rocks, AI airstrikes, conspiracy pratfalls, and presidents ignoring domestic abuse – Earth still excels in absurdity and follies

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Sep 5

Wise move carbon life form

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Sep 5

Have you thought about disowning the entire GOP

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Sep 5

Anna I trust I can call you Anna? Do please call me Xylby one finds one doesn’t need to be so formal when amongst friends.
I thought I’d try channelling El Taco my cabinet tells me I did quite well but they may be just being nice 👽👾

Earth’s Follies – Week 30: Farage, fake funerals, phantom wars

Reposted by Xylb'tok The Martian

North West Bylines @northwestbylines.co.uk · Sep 5

Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...

Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies

Earth’s Follies – Week 30: Farage, fake funerals, phantom wars

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Sep 5

BAD! VERY BAD! Earth “leaders” (so-called!) are doing a TERRIBLE job – the WORST in history of your tiny blue planet! Everyone is talking about it. Saturn’s rings are MUCH more organised. Read the TRUTH in Earth’s Follies Week 30
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk

Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Sep 5

Harvard gains major legal victory over El Taco after Judge rules the WH violated Harvard's free speech rights with funding cuts
proving once again that the biggest criminal enterprise is being run out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

Trump to rebrand the Pentagon as the 'Department of War'

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Sep 5

Melania says 'robots are here'
Is she trying to tell us something about President Orangina here? 😏👽
If MAGA can make up nonsense so can we - quick someone tell MAGA that Donny has been replaced by a clone

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Sep 5

Renaming the Pentagon to the Department of War is not the hot flex El Taco thinks it is

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

The president's controversial move could cost tens of millions, with letterheads and building signs in the US and at military bases around the world potentially needing a refresh.

news.sky.com

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Aug 30

You are very wise. Yoda would be proud. He and I once spent a very long weekend discussing the philosophy of humans we never did quite get to the bottom of what is the meaning of life though 👽

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Aug 30

Not an inaccurate word said. This Martian loves you too
You are by far a lovely carbon based life form. I confess I was apprehensive about your species but some of you are well nice actually

Yoda says: Star Wars fun day in Cleveleys – miss it you want not!

Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Aug 30

Is the invitation open to friendly Martians ?!
Asking on behalf of a friend obvs

These ARE the droids you are looking for 👽

North West Bylines @northwestbylines.co.uk · Aug 30

Cleveleys is gearing up for Star Wars fun day this Sunday, with quizzes, games and tradeshows on the seafront
northwestbylines.co.uk/lifestyle/yo...

Cleveleys is gearing up for Star Wars fun day this Sunday, with quizzes, games and tradeshows on the seafront

Earth’s Follies: Week 29 – dictators, dustbins, and discount Liberace décor

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Xylb'tok The Martian @xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social · Aug 29

Fiona fear not some of you are sane unfortunately those of you who aren’t are really really far gone but don’t worry I will be here watching over you ever ready to make sense of the insanity and to keep you sane folk company

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!! 👽🛸

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Reposted by Xylb'tok The Martian

North West Bylines @northwestbylines.co.uk · Aug 29

Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...

Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce of Follies