Don't Read This. You Are Not My Friend.
@youarenotmyfriend.bsky.social
I wish people would stop including so many filler, generic freebies in orders. It's cute, and it's nice, but now I'm responsible for rehoming junk that I can't bring myself to toss because they're new
February 11, 2026 at 2:25 PM
I wish people would stop including so many filler, generic freebies in orders. It's cute, and it's nice, but now I'm responsible for rehoming junk that I can't bring myself to toss because they're new
Blessed be the men that no longer owe me money, and can thrive on my blocked list 🩷🙏🏼
February 10, 2026 at 4:55 PM
Blessed be the men that no longer owe me money, and can thrive on my blocked list 🩷🙏🏼
My bf said only watching The Simpsons has rotted my brain, but then tell me why he was impressed when I knew the words to a song from Act I of Gilbert and Sullivan's comic opera The Mikado.
February 8, 2026 at 5:01 PM
My bf said only watching The Simpsons has rotted my brain, but then tell me why he was impressed when I knew the words to a song from Act I of Gilbert and Sullivan's comic opera The Mikado.
#glamnetic needs to give me some commission on the amount of receptionists i get into these nails 😹 I'll take my payment in the form of press-on acrylics, thank you
February 5, 2026 at 10:07 PM
#glamnetic needs to give me some commission on the amount of receptionists i get into these nails 😹 I'll take my payment in the form of press-on acrylics, thank you
Crazy that I'm at a place in my life where it's more likely that I left a grocery bag in the car than it is that the loml didn't get me a lil treat
February 5, 2026 at 3:49 AM
Crazy that I'm at a place in my life where it's more likely that I left a grocery bag in the car than it is that the loml didn't get me a lil treat
The way my coworker breathes on team calls will be death of me 😩😩
bbg it's giving BTK
bbg it's giving BTK
January 29, 2026 at 7:23 PM
The way my coworker breathes on team calls will be death of me 😩😩
bbg it's giving BTK
bbg it's giving BTK
"She's allegeding some pretty serious allegations."
January 24, 2026 at 7:37 AM
"She's allegeding some pretty serious allegations."
"pick up enough dead kids off the road and it'll start to get to you"
Yeah my limit isn't even 1, just the possibility of it is enough to get to me ty
Yeah my limit isn't even 1, just the possibility of it is enough to get to me ty
January 22, 2026 at 9:08 PM
"pick up enough dead kids off the road and it'll start to get to you"
Yeah my limit isn't even 1, just the possibility of it is enough to get to me ty
Yeah my limit isn't even 1, just the possibility of it is enough to get to me ty
Me: ugh I need pallette cleanser
Me: oooo a podcast series on the Atlanta child murders??
Me: oooo a podcast series on the Atlanta child murders??
January 22, 2026 at 7:18 PM
Me: ugh I need pallette cleanser
Me: oooo a podcast series on the Atlanta child murders??
Me: oooo a podcast series on the Atlanta child murders??
If I had a podcast series, 100% I would forget to do the intro every episode and would just start off by saying "okay so.." and then info dumping
January 22, 2026 at 3:02 PM
If I had a podcast series, 100% I would forget to do the intro every episode and would just start off by saying "okay so.." and then info dumping
To celebrate my 30th birthday, I'm going to go back and time and tell pre-teen me that not only have we made it this far, but our 401k is rocking
January 15, 2026 at 7:03 PM
To celebrate my 30th birthday, I'm going to go back and time and tell pre-teen me that not only have we made it this far, but our 401k is rocking
Tuck me in and lull me to sleep by reading me Wikipedia articles
January 2, 2026 at 2:29 AM
Tuck me in and lull me to sleep by reading me Wikipedia articles
Babe, let's go to Sam's club so I have an excuse to scream at people
December 31, 2025 at 9:18 PM
Babe, let's go to Sam's club so I have an excuse to scream at people
With my favorite notary gone at work, all our forms have man signatures now 😭
December 31, 2025 at 5:15 PM
With my favorite notary gone at work, all our forms have man signatures now 😭
me to me: I know they're wrong, but you can't explain to coworkers what dead ppl smell like
December 23, 2025 at 7:23 PM
me to me: I know they're wrong, but you can't explain to coworkers what dead ppl smell like
My last post reminded me of the time that the morning following a night I spent puking in the bathroom, calling for my mom who never came, when I told her I was puking all night, she said: yeah, I heard you calling for me all night 🙄
🩷
🩷
December 23, 2025 at 4:33 PM
My last post reminded me of the time that the morning following a night I spent puking in the bathroom, calling for my mom who never came, when I told her I was puking all night, she said: yeah, I heard you calling for me all night 🙄
🩷
🩷
It's Christmas, so naturally thinking about the time I got out of the car after a 15 hour road trip and immediately threw up by a tree nearish the group of adults, and instead of caring at all, my mom yelled at me for puking in front of everyone 🩷
December 23, 2025 at 4:31 PM
It's Christmas, so naturally thinking about the time I got out of the car after a 15 hour road trip and immediately threw up by a tree nearish the group of adults, and instead of caring at all, my mom yelled at me for puking in front of everyone 🩷
I'm 30 years old and I still think about all the stuff I loved that my mom would throw away in her weekly bedroom scouting missions
December 23, 2025 at 2:08 PM
I'm 30 years old and I still think about all the stuff I loved that my mom would throw away in her weekly bedroom scouting missions
I'm gonna kms if messenger keeps notifying me that my picture was sent. Like, yes, that's your job. I don't need confirmation. Lemme know if it doesn't send
December 22, 2025 at 11:40 PM
I'm gonna kms if messenger keeps notifying me that my picture was sent. Like, yes, that's your job. I don't need confirmation. Lemme know if it doesn't send
I live for the moments where people ask me what my problem is and I get to go into extreme detail about why it's them
December 16, 2025 at 9:56 PM
I live for the moments where people ask me what my problem is and I get to go into extreme detail about why it's them
"what are you doing?"
"watching the Simpsons"
"Oh, I thought you were disassociating"
"Oh, yeah, I'm doing that too"
"multitasking"
"watching the Simpsons"
"Oh, I thought you were disassociating"
"Oh, yeah, I'm doing that too"
"multitasking"
December 11, 2025 at 2:43 AM
"what are you doing?"
"watching the Simpsons"
"Oh, I thought you were disassociating"
"Oh, yeah, I'm doing that too"
"multitasking"
"watching the Simpsons"
"Oh, I thought you were disassociating"
"Oh, yeah, I'm doing that too"
"multitasking"
A billboard cannot "include a link"? It can have a url listed, that's not a link 😮💨😮💨
December 4, 2025 at 4:05 PM
A billboard cannot "include a link"? It can have a url listed, that's not a link 😮💨😮💨
I'm going to physical therapy because the switch from "omg I missed you so much" to "stop talking I'm watching tv" to "I have so much I want to talk about with you" to "okay I'm done talking so this conversation is over" gives me whiplash
December 2, 2025 at 10:45 PM
I'm going to physical therapy because the switch from "omg I missed you so much" to "stop talking I'm watching tv" to "I have so much I want to talk about with you" to "okay I'm done talking so this conversation is over" gives me whiplash
me to the dog: I'll be right back, I'm just going to get my headphones so I don't have to do *gestures to the inside of my mind* all of this
dog: nods knowingly
dog: nods knowingly
November 30, 2025 at 7:12 PM
me to the dog: I'll be right back, I'm just going to get my headphones so I don't have to do *gestures to the inside of my mind* all of this
dog: nods knowingly
dog: nods knowingly
It's so embarrassing when I have to go back through my Facebook memories and delete exes ive denounced
November 26, 2025 at 1:40 AM
It's so embarrassing when I have to go back through my Facebook memories and delete exes ive denounced