thank you haha i'll try

cw drugs she was only a year older than me and i was 14 . and it really messed with me because she said she'd be in rehab until the next year (it was august at the time) . i asked her if she had anyone to visit her for holidays and she said "not after that" . i think about her really often

cw drugs overdose etc i met this girl who was rooming with me and she told me that after she got out of the ward she'd have to go to rehab because her older brother got her addicted to like every drug under the sun . and the reason she got into the ward is because her friend OD'd right next to her

i'm lowkey worried i have to go back to the ward but i hope i don't because i'd remember that girl i met there

i still keep composition books . my current one is in my second drawer of my dresser . but my hand mobility is a little bad with writing now so i don't really write as much physically unless i have to

i threw it out recently for the sake of my mental stability . along with my other composition books . i had like 5 and they were all entirely used . whenever i finished one i'd beg my mom to get me a new one (after residential i was allowed to live at home again)

i wasn't allowed to have writing materials but this lady would sneak me pens because she knew i wouldn't kill myself or whatever and the only way i was able to remember certain things was because i had a composition book that i wrote everything down in

my family got to visit me every sunday but for the first few sundays they couldn't come because of covid restrictions and they didn't let me zoom either . and the one sunday they came turns out my brother had covid and then i had to be quarantined completely alone

when i was in residential actually they told me i could send people letters so i would write my friends really long letters and they said they were sending them and then at one point i was making bagels for breakfast and i opened the cupboard and all my letters were shoved in the spice cabinet

i had a nightmare like recently where i was in residential and i got beat over the head with a book by one of the caretakers . do not know why this nightmare happened

eden has no nicknames . they call me edie and that's basically it

then i went to residential which was genuinely the most traumatic period of my life . i was only in the system for 19 days but i still have nightmares about it years later

eden lore around that time goes crazy because i actually came to terms with my did around then because my headmates are the reason i Didn't die those two times . then i went to the psych ward . got bullied in the psych ward . had the most memorable conversation i will ever have .

cw suicide ment being 18 might really fuck with me because i tried to kill myself twice when i was 13 and 14 and i didn't expect to make it past 16 #scared

tutoring during school year -> work permit -> try to get . some sort of job during the school year while juggling my grades -> eden 18 bday -> graduate -> move to new mexico -> gap year to work with some online classes -> ritsu graduates around here -> community college -> uni

i'm trying to make my plan to move out almost immediately graduation rolls around

yeah i've been kinda busy trying not to explode . they had to exile me for a while

ritsu is my classmate .. checkmate

i like my classmates a lot but i think basil talking about it all the time takes the cake