your friend zalp
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zalp.hammockc.at
your friend zalp
@zalp.hammockc.at
190 followers 290 following 210 posts
famous internet shitposter and non-famous pro wrestler

they/them or perish

boston

pp: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/407027
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zalp.hammockc.at
...huh
An ad for Dr Squatch "Sydney's Bathwater Bliss", a real soap made using Sydney Sweeney's bath water. The ad says "only 5000 briccs [of soap] made" and claims "THESE WILL SELL OUT". I cannot, and will not, believe that. References to sale dates are censored because I WILL NOT be a part of this. More information on the soap. If bathwater wasn't enough to entice you, you'll be happy to know that it also features Pine Bar Extract and "Smells like: Morning Wood". It also has a medium grit for when you really want to get that dirty water into your skin. God is dead and we have sold him.
June 5, 2025 at 9:37 PM
zalp.hammockc.at
The same 3d smiley as earlier in this thread, but cropped closer to barely fit his eyes and mouth in frame.
February 11, 2025 at 1:59 AM
zalp.hammockc.at
An unpleasant 3d smiley face winning and pointing.
February 11, 2025 at 12:31 AM
zalp.hammockc.at
me when i start playing final fantasy xiv
The first sprout of a new plant. (Its shape closely resembles the "New Player" sprout icon from Final Fantasy XIV.)
July 31, 2024 at 4:58 PM
zalp.hammockc.at
An "angry advisor" text box from SimCity with a portrait of JD Vance and the text "YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON THE COUCH BUDGET! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!"
July 25, 2024 at 5:45 PM
zalp.hammockc.at
The in-game item description for Dubious Food from Breath of the Wild: "It's too gross to even look at. A bizarre smell issues forth from this heap. Eating it won't hurt you, though...probably." The image of the food is pixelated in the same way as the original post image is.
May 31, 2024 at 11:13 PM
zalp.hammockc.at
I used to be funny
a Facebook post from Feb 7, 2017 by me: "happy to report that i just completed my graduate studies in vampirism. I got an AB+"
February 8, 2024 at 4:22 AM
zalp.hammockc.at
seems like the husband was making some yucky cum
The top two results from a Google search of "how long is sperm viable after death". (Highlighted text in the image is shown in ALL CAPS.) The first result, a case report from FertStertReports.org, reads "Result(s): Sperm obtained from the testis in the morgue remained viable and motile even at 106 HOURS (>4 DAYS) postmortem." The second result, published by NIH, reads "Transfer of the body to the morgue after expiration and harvesting of the sperm in LESS THAN 24 HOURS results in a high likelihood of viable sperm (86%, with..."
November 14, 2023 at 8:23 PM
zalp.hammockc.at
An MS Paint cartoon of two neighboring tombstones on a partly cloudy day. The left tombstone says "I'm with stupid" and has an arrow pointing right. The right tombstone says "I'm with stupid" and has an arrow pointing down.
October 2, 2023 at 6:55 PM
zalp.hammockc.at
August 2, 2023 at 7:04 PM