#By:Illiad
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#Comic  #UserFriendly  #By:Illiad  #Dec.16th1997

#Customer  #Greg
Panel 1 Greg: Columbia Internet Tech Support. Greg speaking, please state the nature of your problem. Panel 2 General (on phone): This is General Studebaker frome the Department of Defense. Greg: Uh...hello General. Panel 3 General (on phone): We traced an intrusion into our top secret wargames to you. That's serious, son. Greg: But...you guys were just playing Quake 2. Panel 4 General (on phone): They were WARGAMES! Greg: You were using cheat codes too. You guys suck.
December 16, 2025 at 5:06 AM
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#Comic  #UserFriendly  #By:Illiad  #Dec.15th1997

#Customer  #Greg
Panel 1 Greg: Columbia Internet Tech Support. Greg speaking, please state the nature of your problem. Panel 2 Customer (on phone): Hello? Hello? I'm trying to dial in and I can't get a dial tone. Greg: No dial tone. What kind of modem are you using? Panel 3 Customer (on phone): Modem? Greg: It's usually a small box that's connected to your computer and phone line. Panel 4 Customer (on phone): Oh, the blinky-light thingie. It's on my Christmas tree. Greg: Ah. Do me a favour and leave it there forever, okay?
December 15, 2025 at 7:43 AM
ratatoskr.bsky.social
#Colour #Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.14th1997

#AJ #Mr.Woodly #Stef #Tanya
Panel 1 Stef: Damn, I'm late for my meeting and I can't find that presentation CD that A.J. made for me... Panel 2 Stef: This must be it... Panel 3 AJ: Hey Tanya. You seen Stef? Tanya: Yes, he was here earlier. Panel 4 AJ: Where'd he go? I have to give him a CD. Tanya: He left for a meeting with a big client. He already had a CD with him. A red one. Panel 5 AJ: Uhh...did you say RED? Tanya: Yes. Why? Panel 6 Stef: Oh my dear GOD... Mr.Woodly: I say, what are all those naked people doing?
December 14, 2025 at 5:15 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.13th1997

#DustPuppy #Greg
Panel 1 Greg: Damn, another split power cord. I'd better replace this. Panel 2 Sound Effect: ZAPP! Panel 3 No dialogue Greg fuming Panel 4 Dust Puppy: Oooh. BAY-bee. Greg: Don't even.
December 13, 2025 at 7:50 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.12th1997

#Greg #Mike
Panel 1 Mike: Watcha doing? Greg: Check this out. I'm in the master server at the Department of Defense. Panel 2 Mike: Cool. Greg: Yeah. I've been watching the activity level on their network Panel 3 Mike: And...? Greg: Their LAN is flooded. Something big must be going down. Panel 4 Soldier: The Joint Chiefs want to know when the network will be free so they can get their e-mail. Tech 1: Can't you see we're BUSY?! Tech 2: Eat hot rockets, Ernie!!
December 12, 2025 at 5:36 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.11th1997

#DustPuppy #Pfeiffer
Panel 1 Pfeiffer: I just don't understand all this fuss over Quake 2 between A.J and Stef and all the techs. Panel 2 Pfeiffer: They stomp around all day, strutting and posing and threatening to kick each other's butt. It's almost like international politics. Panel 3 Dust Puppy: Actually I think it's closer to the simple male need to have a bigger "thingie" then the other guy. Panel 4 Dust Puppy: And judging from the scores, Stef has the sma... Pfeiffer: LET'S NOT GO THERE!
December 11, 2025 at 7:35 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.10th1997

#Chief #Greg #Mike #Pitr
Panel 1 Chief: Gentlemen, I've called you here today because I've been hearing disturbing talk about how you intend to put the evil productivity killer know as Quake 2 on our LAN. Panel 2 Chief: This is a terrible waste of resources and must not go unpunished. As a reprimand, the three of you may only expense lunches at Poppy's Plastic Pizza for the next week Panel 3 Chief: I hope you learn from this. Panel 4 Greg: We've been trying to get a tab at Poppy's for months. He knows that. Chief: Put Quake 2 on my machine and I'll make it two weeks.
December 10, 2025 at 5:31 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.9th1997

#DustPuppy #SmilingMan
Panel 1 Dust Puppy: Hello, Smiling Man. I heard you smiled all day, so I'll bet you bring joy to the staff. I thought I'd come by and return some of the sunshine you hand out. Panel 2 No Dialogue Panel 3 Dust Puppy: Well, have a nice day. Panel 4 Smiling Man (thinking): If I hold really still maybe all of this will just go away.
December 9, 2025 at 5:14 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.8th1997

#DustPuppy #Mike #Pitr
Panel 1 Mike: Dude, you still need a name. Pitr: How about "bootstrap"? Dust Puppy: Maybe. Panel 2 Mike: "Scuzzy"? Pitr: "Wizzy Wig?" Dust Puppy: Maybe. Panel 3 Mike: "Microbit?" Pitr: "Johnny Cache?" Dust Puppy: Maybe. Panel 4 Mike: Why "maybe" for everything? Dust Puppy: I'm using fuzzy logic.
December 8, 2025 at 5:15 AM
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#Colour #Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.7th1997

#AJ #DustPuppy #Greg #Stef
Panel 1 Dust Puppy: Is this an anatomy program? Panel 2 AJ: No, it's Quake. Dust Puppy: Cool. Panel 3 Dust Puppy: What's that thing there? AJ: It's called a Quad. Panel 4 Dust Puppy: And what's that? AJ: That's Stef. Panel 5 No dialogue Panel 6 Stef: Uh... Greg: Stef, you just got beaten by a ball of DIRT. Dust Puppy: Is 20 to -5 a good score?
December 7, 2025 at 5:10 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.6th1997

#DustPuppy #Pitr
Panel 1 Pitr: Hey little dude, do you have a name? Dust Puppy: No. I've never really needed one. Panel 2 Pitr: Then what should we call you? Dust Puppy: I dunno. Something that describes me, and how I'm surrounded by expensive, high-end computer equipment that leaves me mystified. Panel 3 No dialogue Panel 4 Pitr: How about "Web Designer"? Dust Puppy: I'd like a name that people won't laugh at.
December 6, 2025 at 5:05 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.5th1997

#DustPuppy #Stef
Panel 1 Stef: Mike? Pitr? Greg? Where'd everyone go? Dust Puppy: They went for lunch. Panel 2 Stef: AAAAAAIIIIGGGH! Dust Puppy: Whoa. Panel 3 No dialogue Panel 4 Stef: It's gotta be the coffee. Bad coffee. Dust Puppy: Y'know, you're kinda funny looking.
December 5, 2025 at 5:09 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.4th1997

#DustPuppy #Mike #Pitr
Panel 1 Mike: So what is that thing? Pitr: Apparently it's a dust puppy. Born from the dust and debris collected inside the server over a year. Panel 2 Mike: It's kinda cool. Made from dust. Pitr: Yeah. Pretty neat. Panel 3 No dialogue Panel 4 Mike: Where'd he get the feet? Pitr: Haven't figured that out yet. Dust Puppy: YE GODS, I HAVE FEET??!
December 4, 2025 at 5:36 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.3rd1997

#DustPuppy #Pitr

Notes:
First Appearance of Dust Puppy
Panel 1 Pitr (thinking): Time to put more RAM in this server. It's been almost a year since I upgraded it. Panel 2 Pitr (thinking): Yuck...it's kind of dirty and sticky...did I see something move? Panel 3 No dialogue Panel 4 Pitr: What the hell are you? Dust Puppy: I was about to ask you the same question.
December 3, 2025 at 5:23 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.2nd1997

#Mike #MorgueAttendant #Stef
Panel 1 Stef: You techs think you scare me? I'm tougher than you think. Mike: For what you did Stef, you're dead. Panel 2 Stef: But...you guys are techs. You don't do violence. Mike: Exceptions have been made. Panel 3 Stef: Don't you dare lay a finger on me. Mike: I won't. It's not my job. Panel 4 Morgue Attendant: Hi, someone call the morgue? Where's the stiff? I only have 10 minutes on the meter Mike: It's the ripe one here.
December 2, 2025 at 6:44 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Dec.1st1997

#AJ #Greg #Mike #Stef
Panel 1 Stef: So A.J., did the techies find out that you tricked them into upgrading the server? AJ: Yep. Panel 2 Stef: And you're okay with that? AJ: Ya, I told them you put me up to it. Panel 3 Stef: Wha...you told them it was me? AJ: Relax. They've never been known to seek physical vengeance. Panel 4 Greg: Okay, we've destroyed his credit rating, repo'd his car, owes money to an escort agency, and is a wanted felon. What else? Pitr: List him as pregnant.
December 1, 2025 at 5:20 AM
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#Colour #Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.30th1997

#AJ #Greg #Mike #Pitr #Stef
Panel 1 Stef: ...so I need you techs to upgrade the server. Greg: Go away. We're busy. Panel 2 Stef: AJ, you know how these techies think. Help me convince them. AJ: I can't, Stef. It would be wrong. Panel 3 Stef: Dammit A.J., I'm getting DESPERATE! AJ: OK! OK! I'm going to regret this... Panel 4 AJ: Hey, you guys hear how our customers say our server software is as good as AOL's? quite the compliment... Greg: ! Panel 5 Greg (fuming): Guess we better go upgrade the server. Mike (fuming): Guess so. Pitr (fuming): Yeah. Panel 6 Stef: A.J.... that was... brilliant. AJ: I just Fedexed my soul to Hell. I'm real clever.
November 30, 2025 at 5:07 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.29th1997

#Chief #Greg #Stef
Panel 1 Stef (thinking): Sergeant Stef, the intrepid warrior, marches into battle, mowing down all that stand against him. Voice 1 (off screen): AARGH Voice 2 (off screen): LOOK OUT!! HERE HE COMES!!! Panel 2 Stef (thinking): He confronts his ultimate enemies, and readies his weapon to deal out death the way only Sergeant Stef can deal it out.... Voice (off screen): EVERYBODY DUCK!!! Panel 3 Explosion: KA-BLAM!! Panel 4 Stef (thinking): Oh, damn. Greg: You suck, Stef. Chief: Did I get him? Did I get him?!
November 29, 2025 at 5:09 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.28th1997

#AJ #Greg #Stef
Panel 1 Greg (from other room): What the...?!? Panel 2 Greg (from other room): BLOODY HELL!! STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!!! Panel 3 Greg (from other room): TAKE THAT YOU SPAWN OF THE DEVIL!! Sounds (from other room): BANG! CRASH!! RIP! Panel 4 Stef: What's with Greg? AJ: He's installing Windows 95. Greg: IT KEEPS ASKING ME WHERE I WANT TO GO TODAY! I DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWHERE!!
November 28, 2025 at 6:54 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.27th1997

#Mike #Pfeiffer #Pitr #Tanya
Panel 1 Tanya: That's the third user who has called and complained about the news server being down. Panel 2 Pfeiffer: Hmmm. Have the techs given you an idea when the server would be back up? Panel 3 Tanya: They said it would be a while. Something about restoring data from a secondary backup. Panel 4 Pitr: Nine more messages and we'll be done with admin.policy. Mike: I know! I know! I'm typing as fast as I can!!
November 27, 2025 at 5:13 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.26th1997

#Greg #Mike
Panel 1 Caption (top of panel): Here we see our intrepid techie, working diligently on a system problem. Panel 2 Caption (top of panel): He struggles with the operating system, unsure of it's intentions... Panel 3 No Dialogue Panel 4 Mike (from other room): Greg's using windows 95!! Greg: NO!! I'm only using it so I can play Minesweeper! Computer: RESOURCES EXEEDED. PLEASE REBOOT.
November 26, 2025 at 5:09 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.25th1997

#SmilingMan #Stef
Panel 1 Stef: I know it's a lot of money, but I need this purchase order filled. It's very important. Panel 2 Stef: Why are you smiling? Smiling Man: I'm not smiling. Panel 3 No dialogue Panel 4 Stef: SOMEBODY MAKE HIM STOP!!! Smiling Man (thinking): Works every time.
November 25, 2025 at 7:20 AM
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#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.24th1997

#Customer #Mr.Kragg #Pfeiffer

Notes:
First appearance of Pfeiffer
Panel 1 Pfeiffer: Hello, Mr. Kragg? My name is Pfeiffer, and I'm Calling from Columbia Internet about your account. Mr. Kragg (on phone): Yeah? Panel 2 Pfeiffer: Your account is 90 days past due. When do you think you could send us a cheque? Mr. Kragg (on phone): You're just going to have to wait. I need to pay for my Vacation in Tahiti next week. Panel 3 Pfeiffer: I See. Well I'll have to bring in the big guns. Mr. Kragg (on phone): Give it your best shot, baby. I ain't scared of you. Panel 4 Pfeiffer: Let's have a look at your user log here. Ahhh...here's something we can leak to our customer mailing list... Mr. Kragg (on phone): Um... Panel 5 Pfeiffer: I see you've been reading alt.sex.chubby.sheep. Voraciously. Mr. Kragg (on phone): OK! OK! I'll courier a cheque over today!!
November 24, 2025 at 6:11 AM
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#Colour #Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.23rd1997

#Chief #Cobb #Hillary #Stef

Notes:
First Sunday/Colour comic
First appearance of Hillary
Panel 1 Chief: Gentlemen, Hillary has been receiving some very disturbing reports about your conduct as sales people. As a test, I want you to say the word "ethical." Panel 2 Stef: This is insulting. Cobb and I can say that word any time we want. Right Cobb? Cobb: Uhh, yup. Panel 3 Chief: Well, then? Panel 4 Stef: Ethrfffmml. Cobb: Uhhh, methadone. Panel 5 Stef: Ekekkol...*Kaff* Cobb: Medical. Umm. Radical. Panel 6 Stef: *HACK* *KAFF* Eth... ethrmmal... Panel 7 Stef: *COUGH* Can't...say...word... Panel 8 Hillary: Looks like you were right, Chief. Chief: You should see the techs trying to say "Three-piece suit. Cobb: RECTAL!!!
November 23, 2025 at 7:20 AM
ratatoskr.bsky.social
#Comic #UserFriendly #By:Illiad #Nov.22nd1997

#AJ #Greg #SmilingMan #Stef

Notes:
First Appearance of The Smiling Man
Panel 1 AJ: I heard that Stef has an appointment with our controller today. Greg: So? Panel 2 AJ: Our controller is that guy who smiles all the time. For no reason. Greg: Yeah, so? Panel 3 AJ: Ever see how cats smile just before they eat something live? Greg: Ahhh. I see now. Panel 4 Smiling Man: Now, what have we learned today? Stef: GET RECEIPTS FOR EVERYTHING!!
November 22, 2025 at 9:39 AM