Dear Journal,Tonight, I committed what can only be described as a culinary crime against humanity or at least against the olfactory dignity of my poor kitchen. Allow me to set the stage: I, Chef Th…

#MindControl #ToxoTakeover #DopamineDrama #BrainInvader #CatConspiracy By: TheJestPress.com **Experts Warn: Parasite Secretly Running Human Race—Explains Everything About Your Ex** In an alarming (yet weirdly validating) revelation this week, scientists confirmed that the parasite *Toxoplasma gondii*—once dismissed as “that thing from cats”—is actually rewriting the rulebook for human behavior. Research now shows this microscopic influencer pumps up the brain’s dopamine, sparking aggression, poor impulse control, and an inexplicable urge to answer “You up?” texts.

Ah, the perils of being a chef at my venerable age of 60well and still harbouring the heart of a mischievous ten-year-old with a whisk in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other. Today, dear journ…

or, How Ruby Declared War on Pastry Dear Journal,Today began with the best of intentions: a cherry pie. A noble pie. A pie of dignity and splendour. The kind of pie that whispers “summer” and “stic…

Dear Journal,Today, my friend Sara, who thinks she’s the High Priestess of Parsley, waved her spoon at me and said,”Thanos, you need to use more herbs. I added a whole garden’s worth. Now the…

ALT: a black cat is sitting in front of a brick wall holding a gun and a cigarette .

Or How Ruby Declared War on Roughage Dearest Journal,Today began like any other blessed Thursday in my kitchen kingdom: the sun was buttering the windows, the kettle was screaming like an impatient…

“Ruby says: ‘I only judge with my belly, and today… I am judging.’” Dear Journal,Today, dear reader, I achieved something truly remarkable in the annals of culinary misadventure: I have successfull…

My dear culinary confessional,today I have witnessed what can only be described as the feline equivalent of a gastronomic war crime. Ruby, my rotund sous-chef and eternal source of chaos, has sneez…

ALT: a cat wearing a wig is holding a microphone

Ah, my dearest parchment of confession, it is I again, Chef Thanos, the 60-something culinary tornado with questionable eyesight, an uncooperative oven, and a sous-chef who is technically a cat, mo…