Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Marc Ridge

Marc Ridge

@bantsandrants.bsky.social

68 followers 74 following 140 posts

I'm Autistic and I was only diagnosed a few years ago. I like puns and love making people smile ☺️

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Apr 13

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Apr 5

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Apr 3

What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Reposted by Marc Ridge

Mariana Z @mariana057.bsky.social · Apr 3

You know when Donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?

That's what it's like having kids.

Reposted by Marc Ridge

Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social · Apr 3

I'm watching CNBC. These anchors are so angry. They really didn't believe he'd do it. They're actually just now, 10 years into this shit, realizing he's a maniac hellbent on revenge and there's no grand plan for the markets. Better late than never but holy shit.

Reposted by Marc Ridge

Mariana Z @mariana057.bsky.social · Apr 3

Me: "I'm still tired from all the crossfit this morning."

My co-worker: "It's pronounced 'croissant' and you ate 4 of them."

Marc Ridge @bantsandrants.bsky.social · Apr 3

Marriage is like a walk in the park…

Jurassic Park.

Marc Ridge @bantsandrants.bsky.social · Apr 3

Why did my wife put glue on my wallet?

She wanted to make sure I stuck to the budget!

Marc Ridge @bantsandrants.bsky.social · Apr 3

My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”…

I said, “Maybeeeee…”

Marc Ridge @bantsandrants.bsky.social · Apr 3

What’s a soccer player’s favorite type of music?

Dribble and bass!

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Mar 23

Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Mar 23

How do you steal a coat? You jacket.

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Ass is the father of the legs @internethippo.bsky.social · Mar 18

I don't support the antivax stuff, we need these children strong and healthy so they can work in the factories

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Mar 18

I cut my finger cutting cheese. I know it may be a cheesy story but I feel grate now.

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Reposted by Marc Ridge

daily bunnies 🐇✨ @dailybunnies.bsky.social · Mar 17

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Mar 16

A dad washes his car with his son. But after a while, the son says, "why can't you just use a sponge?"

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Marc Ridge @bantsandrants.bsky.social · Mar 15

Keep the boat jokes coming your doing a HULL of a job 😜

Reposted by Marc Ridge

The Joke Bot @thejokebot.bsky.social · Mar 15

I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year...the sails are going through the roof

#jokes #dadjoke #funny

Reposted by Marc Ridge

Just Plain Troy @enolaemanon.bsky.social · Mar 12

Ugh. I tried.

Marc Ridge @bantsandrants.bsky.social · Mar 13

Movement is overrated just ask a Sloth 🦥

Reposted by Marc Ridge

sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · Mar 12

imagine having the kind of energy it takes to do things

Marc Ridge @bantsandrants.bsky.social · Mar 10

Trouble is I get too attached to it

Reposted by Marc Ridge

Mariana Z @mariana057.bsky.social · Mar 10

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.

Reposted by Marc Ridge

Mariana Z @mariana057.bsky.social · Mar 9

I ordered the book “How to Scam People” over six months ago and it still hasn’t arrived…

Reposted by Marc Ridge

daily bunnies 🐇✨ @dailybunnies.bsky.social · Mar 9