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Reposted by Dea Detritus

ShawnAAAH! @mitsubishe.bsky.social · 17h

a human size one of those heated rocks for lizards would fix me

Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

“Well, THAT’s more than just a couple of cannolis…”

Is a thing I’m kind of doubting is an actual expression, but my brain is spitting it out on repeat. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 😂

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

It’s an interesting new perspective to chew on, at least.

FIN. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

She just really didn’t want to be poor.

She wanted to have a lot of money and be someone important.

She wanted all of us to have a lot of money and be important people.

And that’s not objectively terrible…

It’s just the things she did to get them… 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

I suuuuuper did not understand that she was trying to create and pass on some kind of legacy.

I just thought she was trying to give us a nice life, because that was an alternative that I could believe for the way she behaved. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

That I didn’t have what it took.
I’d blown my chance at being great.

I just thought she meant that in general, I could not do it.

What she ACTUALLY meant was that she was not going to invest in my future the same way anymore if I was not going to play be her rules. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

But she had no ability to control herself enough to be patient with my process, and so she just pummeled me.

The story was that I was “retarded,” and all your standard undiagnosed neurodivergent complaints that existed in the 90s and 2000s. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

Before the sex trafficking it seems (in hindsight) that she had some kind of fantasy about me being some kind of child star.

I was always a performer, very magnetic.

I sucked at doing things the “right way,” but I was incredible at doing them the “wrong,” way. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

To be clear: that was maybe a part of it…

But it was probably more about her designer show habit… 😂

But that’s how she sold me on it.

We were doing it for him.
Because he could get out of “this shit hole.”

(We had a super nice house. It was her dream house at one point. Idk, man. 😂) 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

After I processed the ramble about my brother, all of which was intuitive writing…

I got a download that had a memory of my mother and I talking about why I had to do “what I was supposed to do.”

And it was hyped up for my brother. So he could go to a special school. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

I don’t ever want to go to bat for them, nor would I think my memories are reliable enough to create any kind of fair truth.

And that’s just knowing how flexible the truth really is.

It’s just not worth it to me.

Anyway! 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 8h

Supplementary download:

In the flashbacks I have from being sex trafficked, I seemed conscious/compliant.

My perspective, speaking for me only, is that I would not trust my memories to be accurate. 🧵

Holy Hera 🪞🧿✨ @holyhera.bsky.social · 9h

#DailyDelight

Ohh… 🥹

I’d gone all day without any major downloads, and that’s not normal, but it’d not even been a whole day, so whatever.

Then I went for a drive to see if anything wanted to come out, and it was mostly nothing.

Just nice to be void surfing and all. 🧵

#ThoughtJournal

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 11h

Songs that I lovingly sing to my dog:

“Hey, ho!

How ya doing, where ya been?!

Prolly doin’ ho stuff cause there you ho again!”

#MusicSky

Ludacris - Ho

YouTube video by LudacrisVEVO

youtu.be

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 14h

"I'm going to use your bathroom for the tub, okay?" - Roommate

"Bruh, it's like, the third time you asked. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵." - Me

"I DON'T KNOW. It could be National Deep Clean Your Vibrators Day. I don't know if it's okay!" - RM

"... my calendar just said Diwali..."

💀

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 14h

I do this with the phrase, "but hey, that's life in the jungle..." 😂

Draculanna 🧛🌿👁️ @annacwebs.bsky.social · 14h

For some reason I have started saying "that's showbiz, baby" at everything from minor inconveniences to catastrophic systemic failures

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 14h

🥹🫶

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

Thank you!

I'm still feeling out how they're going to work together... its a very yin and yang thing, I think... but it's hard to tell which is which sometimes. ☯️😂

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

It is up to YOU to become a fully developed human.

Heal yourself.

Harvest your power.

Learn how to hold it.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵.

FIN. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

But friends—

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜-𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥.

People skilled in emotional regulation and/or supression that surpass yours ARE NOT playing by the same rules as you.

They don't have to.

And they never will. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

Suddenly, everyone turns against you because you won't fall in line with their "basic-ass beliefs."

But they'll never stop trying to sell you the story that it's someone else, 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, who is trying to control you. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

But as I'm pulling away from it, everyone else I care about is doubling down harder.

I'm becoming different, and so are they.

They say I look and sound more like their enemy.

I say they look and sound more like their enemy.

But I don't have an enemy anymore.

And I'm not really looking. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

It's not as if I haven't been aware that people are being brainwashed left and right all these years.

It's just the way that I turn around and see how I was nestled among all of it before, and I didn't even know it.

How I let it control me, when I shouldn't have.

Because it made me miserable. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

Depending on the type of trauma involved, the perspective that the individual has of how the world works... 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 might have to change before they can even begin to have a comprehensive discussion.

It makes sense that it will take time. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

But the truth is that it's nearly impossible to explain to them what people mean by that.

You have to traverse through too many core wounds to be able to get them where they need to see clearly enough to have a real conversation. 🧵

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Dea Detritus @deadetritus.bsky.social · 15h

If they're that basic... they aren't well integrated!

You don't actually know what you believe, because you haven't yet seen the big picture!

You're still getting there!

And that's okay!! 🧵

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