Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 2h

It’s a theory! I never said I had all the answers

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 2h

It’s not out of the question that there were high-ranking Democrats in there as well. When the files were unsealed in January 2024, it seemed like lunacy to seriously consider Trump winning again.

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 5h

I imagine the Italians aren’t too fond of ICE either: ⬇️

bsky.app/profile/drea...

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

8. None of the good Italian restaurants in Chicago seem particularly sympathetic to Trump’s anti-immigrant agenda

7. When we menacingly snarl “PAPERS, PLEASE!” at a brown-skinned migrant and he actually has the paperwork on him

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 5h

“Not killing them” sounds like a good place to start

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 5h

Meanwhile: ⬇️

bsky.app/profile/drea...

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

TEN POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS FOR WHY THE NOBEL COMMITTEE REJECTED DONALD TRUMP FOR THIS YEAR’S NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

10. They probably had no idea he wanted one

9. For a peace agreement between Israel and Hamas to truly be considered Nobel-worthy, it must last longer than 45 seconds

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Reposted by Dreamweasel

Kurt Weldon @kurtweldon.bsky.social · 11h

I suggested to my wife that a strong candidate for next year's Peace Prize is JB Pritzker. She said, "Maybe."

We are now running around the house singing "Maybe JB" to the tune of the Buddy Holly song.

This is why we are never invited anywhere.

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

1. There may be some kind of personal animosity against Nobel Peace Prize candidates who refuse responsibility for anything bad, demand adulation for anything good, and do everything in their power to conceal notorious lists of child-trafficking suspects from the public

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

2. There is probably very little precedent in history of Nobel Peace Prize winners who engaged in a sustained campaign of vengeance against their political rivals

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

3. Donald Trump’s exact role in ending the conflicts between Israel and Iran, India and Pakistan, Cambodia and Thailand, Egypt and Ethiopia, Armenia and Azerbaijan, Serbia and Kosovo, and the Democratic Republic of Congo and Rwanda remains somewhat dubious

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

4. The panel was fiercely divided on the public-health contributions of the man who simultaneously authorized and undermined Operation Warp Speed

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

5. They probably have him in mind for some OTHER prestigious peace prize that involves sending shock troops into multiple cities to kidnap migrants and throw them into concentration camps

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

6. They may have some kind of aversion to bold and confident alpha males who know what they want and lead from the gut and organize a violent mob in a desperate attempt to overturn a free and democratic election

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

8. They gave it to Obama in 2009, and were worried that it was just too soon to give it to another U.S. President

7. Nobel judges remained unconvinced by the passionate lobbying of Steve Bannon, JD Vance, and other objectively terrible people

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 12h

TEN POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS FOR WHY THE NOBEL COMMITTEE REJECTED DONALD TRUMP FOR THIS YEAR’S NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

10. They probably had no idea he wanted one

9. For a peace agreement between Israel and Hamas to truly be considered Nobel-worthy, it must last longer than 45 seconds

13 43 170

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 14h

Last night at Parent-Teacher Conferences, my son‘s chemistry teacher was agog at the revelation that I had been to a Death Grips concert.

Me:
theonion.com/you-know-i-u...

You Know, I Used To Be Kind Of Cool Once

You know how, every so often, something you haven’t thought about in the longest time will just sort of pop up out of nowhere, and all of a sudden you’re like, “Hey… Wait a minute”? Well, that happene...

theonion.com

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 15h

I see that several million Americans are enthusiastically celebrating the Nobel Prize victory of Maria Corina Machado, a Venezuelan politician they have never heard of before today

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

Life ain’t easy when you work for ICE: ⬇️
bsky.app/profile/drea...

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

TEN COMPLAINTS OF ICE AGENTS

10. The mainstream media has brainwashed everyone we meet into believing that there’s something bad about rounding up the migrants and throwing them into camps

9. You shoot ONE protesting pastor with a pepper ball, and suddenly you’re the bad guys

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

Life ain’t easy when you work for ICE: ⬇️
bsky.app/profile/drea...

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

TEN COMPLAINTS OF ICE AGENTS

10. The mainstream media has brainwashed everyone we meet into believing that there’s something bad about rounding up the migrants and throwing them into camps

9. You shoot ONE protesting pastor with a pepper ball, and suddenly you’re the bad guys

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

2. Awkward silences when people ask us “So, what do you do?” and we have to make up a face-saving cover story like “Oh, I program robocalls”

1. Those leftist blue-haired SJWs at the protests are woke and uninformed and will very rarely give us their phone numbers

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

4. Everyone just assumes we were all at the Capitol Building on January 6, 2021 without a thought for those of us who had to work that day and didn’t get to go

3. No one at the airport ever thanks us for our service

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

6. For some reason, we are not welcomed with open arms by residents of urban hellholes that we have been assigned to protect from other residents of these aforementioned urban hellholes

5. Nobody will explain what “pendejo” means

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

8. None of the good Italian restaurants in Chicago seem particularly sympathetic to Trump’s anti-immigrant agenda

7. When we menacingly snarl “PAPERS, PLEASE!” at a brown-skinned migrant and he actually has the paperwork on him

2 10 130

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

TEN COMPLAINTS OF ICE AGENTS

10. The mainstream media has brainwashed everyone we meet into believing that there’s something bad about rounding up the migrants and throwing them into camps

9. You shoot ONE protesting pastor with a pepper ball, and suddenly you’re the bad guys

16 170 520

Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

- The government shutdown has nothing to do with Democrats wanting to give healthcare to illegal immigrants. People in the country illegally are not eligible for Medicaid or Obamacare subsidies. Extending enhanced Marketplace premium tax credits would not benefit undocumented immigrants in any way.

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Dreamweasel @dreamweasel.bsky.social · 1d

FOX: Word from the Middle East is that the Poop-Flinging Monkey has painstakingly negotiated a peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinians

MONKEY: (flings poop)

FOX: After the hostages are returned, can a Nobel Peace Prize be far behind?

MONKEY: (flings poop)

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