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“AAAGGGHHH!!!” A Memo from Animal, Your New Editor-in-Chief

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 3d

Such a fun one to write and continually, shamelessly self-promote all week long.

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 3d

STORY: ORANGE MAN LIE AGAIN

OLD WAY: “CRITICS SAY STATEMENT MAY BE MISLEADING.”

ANIMAL WAY: HIT KICK DRUM, YELL “LIE!” HIT TAMBOURINE, WHISPER “but other side lie too” IN SOFTEST MIKE JOHNSON VOICE.

“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cr...

“AAAGGGHHH!!!” A Memo from Animal, Your New Editor-in-Chief

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 4d

A late night fever dream turns into a loud commentary on this week's media-related news. Plus, who doesn't love The Muppets?

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 4d

"WE MAKE NEWS LOUDER. IF STORY GOOD ON ONE SIDE, SHOW OTHER SIDE TOO. OTHER SIDE WRONG? OTHER SIDE WANT BLEACH IN VEINS? ANIMAL RUN BOTH. REPORT BOTH SIDES. EVEN WHEN ONE SIDE THINK HEAD MEDS MAKE QUIET BABIES."

“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cr...

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 4d

Battle Masters! And HeroQuest, though I consider that a board game.

Creating daily humor almost every day

Reposted by Jack

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 21d

Semi-regular reminder that much of the work we do is reader-supported. We're able to pay our contributors and keep our humor site ad-free thanks to the folks who support us through our Patreon. As little as $3 a month goes a long way to supporting us.

Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 24d

So say we all.

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 24d

Aw shucks. At least the end of days will boost my fragile ego.

OK Doomer ☮️🏳️‍🌈🤷‍♂️🙈🙉🙊💙 @manqueman.bsky.social · 24d

Brilliance from @mcsweeneys.net: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ign...

“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...

Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 24d

Is this an alternate or British market cover or something? Both the Lone Wolf and Legends Of Lone Wolf covers looked nothing like this! (in the States)

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 24d

Same here. Channeled the cynicism into this www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ign...

“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...

Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 24d

Perhaps it’s “ignorance is bliss”

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ign...

“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...

Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · 25d

Risky move for this liberal-minded writer, but it had to be done.

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 25d

"Is this willful blindness dressed as philosophy? Perhaps. But isn’t willful blindness, at scale, the churning engine of unbridled optimism?"

“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...

America Now Really Does Run on Dunkin’

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Aug 29

It’s time to make the donuts, America.

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · Aug 29

"Dunkin’ is the coffee now. The only coffee. Nationalized beans. Federally tilled fields. And all of it running through your clogged, brittle veins like a dark-roasted firehose of unfiltered patriotism."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ame...

“The Trump administration is considering taking stakes in defense contractors, including Lockheed Martin Corp, U.S. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutni...

Ernest Hemingway’s Shark Week

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jul 29

You're being left behind!" screams the lemming to that one brethren who didn't make the leap.

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jul 21

Really enjoyed getting back in touch with junior-year English me for this one.

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · Jul 21

"A man sits in a boat. He is not old. He is not young. He has not paid taxes in thirteen years. The bait is old. The stench hangs like a debt. He lowers the line. The camera does not cut. The fish does not come. This is the entire episode." #HappyBirthdayHemingway

There was a time when a man did not film the fish. You learned about the shark when you saw it break the surface. The shark is not interested in ra...

Ernest Hemingway’s Shark Week

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jul 21

With apologies to my junior year English teacher.

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ern...

There was a time when a man did not film the fish. You learned about the shark when you saw it break the surface. The shark is not interested in ra...

Wake Up, You Lazy Skin Sack. I’m a Songbird and It’s 4 A.M.

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jun 12

Consistently one of the funnest @mcsweeneys.net writers over past couple years. Distinctive, side-splitting style.

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · Jun 12

"I love each new day, what it might bring, the possibilities, the joy of the unknown. One thing is certain, though, and that’s the yelling I will do out of my beak hole in the stillness of dawn, every single day."

Wake up my sleepy mouth-breather, it’s 4:01 a.m. and I feel chatty! I might be small but I’m a warm-blooded lunatic and I’m right outside your bedr...

Your AI Assistant or Your Mother?

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Reposted by Jack

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · Jun 4

"Teeth-whitening strips were on sale at Costco, so I went ahead and ordered you five boxes."

1. Relive these memories from this day seven years ago. 2. Make sure you pack an umbrella, it looks like it might rain this afternoon. 3. I’d leave...

The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jun 2

Oh, some of us are, in our own way www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...

“Republican Sen. Joni Ernst faced a number of agitated constituents at a town hall on Friday who expressed concerns that the Republicans’ cuts to M...

The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jun 2

Shameless self-promotion. Not really zen, but that fleeting dopamine rush is so much better than healthcare

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · Jun 2

"Repeat this mantra as your prescription is denied on religious grounds: Everyone dies. Everyone dies. Everyone dies. Let the liberals weep, for you are free and clear, though not in the medical sense, of course."

“Republican Sen. Joni Ernst faced a number of agitated constituents at a town hall on Friday who expressed concerns that the Republicans’ cuts to M...

The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jun 2

Picture yourself. Standing in a cemetery. Doubling down on telling people that dying early from preventable causes is all part of God's great plan.

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...

“Republican Sen. Joni Ernst faced a number of agitated constituents at a town hall on Friday who expressed concerns that the Republicans’ cuts to M...

“This Will Be Good for You”: A Few Words from the Iceberg That Sank the Titanic

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Apr 8

I emerge from the cold Bluesky depths to post a shameless plug.

McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · Apr 8

"Sometimes the cure doesn’t feel like a cure. Sometimes the medicine doesn’t feel like healing. Sometimes it feels like 52,310 long tons of British steel smooching an iceberg that wants what's good for you."

“President Donald Trump’s sweeping tariff plans hammered global financial markets and U.S. stocks braced for more turmoil on Monday, after he warne...

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Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Jan 23

Hearing the heavy thud of a glass juice bottle as it fell from its perch inside a Veryfine vending machine. My dad and I would get one after a swim at a nearby fitness club when I was about 3-4 years old ("swimming" is used loosely; I was placed in an inner tube harness while he did laps).

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Nov 17

Roasted.

#coffee #cartoons #humor

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Nov 17

Puns are out of this world.
#cartoons #humor #science #space

Jack @jackloftus.bsky.social · Nov 16

Many, many years ago now. But this was one of the first books to “unlock” creative writing for me. Plus, I’ve always loved @stephenking.bsky.social short stories.