McSweeney's
@mcsweeneys.net
The official Bluesky feed of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, & McSweeney's Books.
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Reposted by McSweeney's
Christ I have never identified so hard with a McSweeney’s article and I’m a 44-year-old English major
"You belittle the Pixies? You diss Black Francis? On the way to Massachusetts? On my gal, the bassist Kim Deal, you didn’t have a crush at Smith College in 1992? Were you not even born?"
An Open Letter to the Pair of Gen-Z Men in the Northeast Regional Quiet Car Loudly Discussing Pitchfork’s 100 Best Albums of All Time
Gentlemen, Your opinions on the discography of the last fifty years interests me about as much as you think it does a middle-aged woman traveling c...
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January 10, 2026 at 2:05 AM
Christ I have never identified so hard with a McSweeney’s article and I’m a 44-year-old English major
Buckle up, Massholes.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/mas...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/mas...
Massachusetts Road Signs
Massachusetts<br> Road Signs
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 10, 2026 at 9:34 PM
Buckle up, Massholes.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/mas...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/mas...
"We all saw the way your disciples looked at us. 'Oh, hey, a bunch of hicks,' they said to themselves. “Let’s give them the usual. Bet they live off of junk food anyway.” That sort of holier-than-thou attitude isn’t doing you any favors."
Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand, but the Five Thousand Are Gluten Free
No, of course we appreciate the gesture. It’s just that, well, this menu is a little inconsiderate. Sure, all these loaves of bread, that’s very im...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 7:30 PM
"We all saw the way your disciples looked at us. 'Oh, hey, a bunch of hicks,' they said to themselves. “Let’s give them the usual. Bet they live off of junk food anyway.” That sort of holier-than-thou attitude isn’t doing you any favors."
Sadly, more relevant than ever. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...
I’m a German Citizen in 1933, and Is It Just Me or Is It Really Hard to Get Any Work Done Right Now?
Our 25th most-read article of 2025.
- - -Guten tag. I’m just wondering if anybody else can relate to this feeling I’ve been having that I just can...
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 10, 2026 at 6:01 PM
Sadly, more relevant than ever. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...
"Last week, I watched a flaneur spend his entire afternoon staring at a blank piece of cardboard. When my manager asked what he was doing, the man responded that he was 'Kinda just raw-dogging the Montmartre, waiting for the light to hit.'"
I’m the Owner of This All Day Café in Nineteenth-Century Paris: Can We Stop It with the Fucking Easels?
I opened this café with the best of intentions: to provide a salon par excellence with a focus on good food and live entertainment, a third place t...
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January 10, 2026 at 5:37 PM
"Last week, I watched a flaneur spend his entire afternoon staring at a blank piece of cardboard. When my manager asked what he was doing, the man responded that he was 'Kinda just raw-dogging the Montmartre, waiting for the light to hit.'"
Reposted by McSweeney's
A frozen waffle, cooked
A frozen waffle, raw
The ricotta layer of an entire lasagna
Half a stick of butter
Four very specific Oreos
Pizza, just the cheese
Applesauce through a straw
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/top...
A frozen waffle, raw
The ricotta layer of an entire lasagna
Half a stick of butter
Four very specific Oreos
Pizza, just the cheese
Applesauce through a straw
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/top...
Top Dinner Suggestions According to a Three-Year-Old’s Eating Habits
A French baguette, but only the inside — NO CRUST Seven slices of American cheese A frozen waffle, cooked A frozen waffle, raw The ricotta layer of...
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 9, 2026 at 6:20 PM
A frozen waffle, cooked
A frozen waffle, raw
The ricotta layer of an entire lasagna
Half a stick of butter
Four very specific Oreos
Pizza, just the cheese
Applesauce through a straw
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/top...
A frozen waffle, raw
The ricotta layer of an entire lasagna
Half a stick of butter
Four very specific Oreos
Pizza, just the cheese
Applesauce through a straw
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/top...
Reposted by McSweeney's
"One was an open paramilitary wing of an openly fascist political party, the other is an unaccountable government force operating without clear uniforms, identification, or transparency... for an openly fascist political party."
ICE Is Nothing Like the Brownshirts, Because the Brownshirts Actually Identified Themselves
Let’s get this out of the way: Immigration and Customs Enforcement is nothing like the Sturmabteilung, a.k.a. Hitler’s Brownshirts. Your main clue ...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 2:20 AM
"One was an open paramilitary wing of an openly fascist political party, the other is an unaccountable government force operating without clear uniforms, identification, or transparency... for an openly fascist political party."
"Okay, so this man used to be a YouTuber, but then he made a video where he went to a Japanese suicide forest, and people got mad at him. He sucks. Then he pivoted to like, boxing? And he has a brother who also sucks."
Explaining to Your Parents Why Certain Celebrities Are Famous
This lady’s video went viral after she tasted kombucha and made a weird face, and now she has a podcast and a YouTube talk show. It’s just like a n...
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January 10, 2026 at 4:02 PM
"Okay, so this man used to be a YouTuber, but then he made a video where he went to a Japanese suicide forest, and people got mad at him. He sucks. Then he pivoted to like, boxing? And he has a brother who also sucks."
V8: I will not pretend I have no idea how I got kitty litter stuck to my nose.
V9: I will not wag my tail out of pride for foraging my own dinner when Mom/Dad catches me eating out of the litter box.
V9: I will not wag my tail out of pride for foraging my own dinner when Mom/Dad catches me eating out of the litter box.
Drafts of My Dog’s New Year’s Resolution
V1: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box. V2: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box before breakfast. V3: I will not eat out of the cat’...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 3:30 PM
V8: I will not pretend I have no idea how I got kitty litter stuck to my nose.
V9: I will not wag my tail out of pride for foraging my own dinner when Mom/Dad catches me eating out of the litter box.
V9: I will not wag my tail out of pride for foraging my own dinner when Mom/Dad catches me eating out of the litter box.
Reposted by McSweeney's
"The Dad Roar
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF
Sneezes, Ranked
1. The Silent Convulsion The gold standard. A violent bodily shudder contained entirely within the torso. No noise or spray. Just a brief, grimace...
buff.ly
January 9, 2026 at 8:00 PM
"The Dad Roar
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF
"It’s almost as if Mamdani was being mischaracterized as a dangerous extremist by overlapping political and media empires in a campaign to scare New Yorkers away from electing a candidate whose most unorthodox idea was putting their interests above those of the elites."
I Am a Disappointed Zohran Mamdani Voter Who Was Told New York Would Descend into Chaos
Well, they say you should never trust a politician, and it seems I’ve been duped. As an avid reader of the New York Post, the New York Post’s X fee...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 3:01 PM
"It’s almost as if Mamdani was being mischaracterized as a dangerous extremist by overlapping political and media empires in a campaign to scare New Yorkers away from electing a candidate whose most unorthodox idea was putting their interests above those of the elites."
Reposted by McSweeney's
That last paragraph..man
"You think you’re watching a woman drive away with an ICE agent following, then shooting her four times in the face, but what you’re really watching is an ICE agent in fear of his life and acting in self-defense."
What You’re Watching Isn’t What You’re Really Watching
“Federal and local officials dispute the circumstances that led an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer to fatally shoot a 37-year-old woman...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 3:19 AM
That last paragraph..man
"Each bird species has its own unique 'song,' such as 'Bad Medicine' by Bon Jovi (mountain starlings), 'Wanted Dead or Alive' by Bon Jovi (grey hornbills), and 'You Give Love a Bad Name' by Bon Jovi (fan-tailed warblers)."
Everything We Currently Know About Birds
Birds. Most people just know them as those loud things that are always flapping around the sky like jackasses, but there’s actually much more to th...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 2:30 PM
"Each bird species has its own unique 'song,' such as 'Bad Medicine' by Bon Jovi (mountain starlings), 'Wanted Dead or Alive' by Bon Jovi (grey hornbills), and 'You Give Love a Bad Name' by Bon Jovi (fan-tailed warblers)."
Reposted by McSweeney's
This is not about lazy dogs and quick brown foxes.
This was one of our most-read pieces way back in 2015. Unfortunately, it is still relevant today.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-...
Facepalm Pilot: Where Technology Meets Stupidity: An Interactive Guide to Ambiguous Grammar
Depending on whom you ask, the use of the active voice over the passive is arguably the most fundamental writer’s maxim, thought to lend we...
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 9, 2026 at 9:48 PM
This is not about lazy dogs and quick brown foxes.
Looks like the Americas have a new despot. Here's what we know about him.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thi...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thi...
This Corrupt Dictator Has Been Running His Country into the Ground for Years, and Now He’s Invading Venezuela
As you’ve probably heard, a corrupt authoritarian president has been destroying his country for over a decade—and as of this weekend, he decided to...
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 10, 2026 at 2:02 PM
Looks like the Americas have a new despot. Here's what we know about him.
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thi...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thi...
"No one asked, but I’m going to add a Pivot Table. Don’t know what that is? It’s just an advanced feature I learned from one of my many yellowed manuals that will make looking at this list feel like lifting Russian nesting dolls."
God, I Cannot Wait to Overcomplicate This Spreadsheet
Power on your PCs, my gentle users, because I just found a fresh Excel file to overcomplicate. Hoo boy, I can’t wait to rework every cell of “Compa...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 3:20 AM
"No one asked, but I’m going to add a Pivot Table. Don’t know what that is? It’s just an advanced feature I learned from one of my many yellowed manuals that will make looking at this list feel like lifting Russian nesting dolls."
- Not saying “sorry”
- Weaponized smugness
- Weaponized beavers
- Weaponized smugness
- Weaponized beavers
Future Canadian Resistance Tactics
“We need to prepare for the possibility that the U.S. uses military coercion against Canada.” — Headline from op-ed in The Globe and Mail. - - -Jam...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 3:00 AM
- Not saying “sorry”
- Weaponized smugness
- Weaponized beavers
- Weaponized smugness
- Weaponized beavers
"You think you’re watching a woman drive away with an ICE agent following, then shooting her four times in the face, but what you’re really watching is an ICE agent in fear of his life and acting in self-defense."
What You’re Watching Isn’t What You’re Really Watching
“Federal and local officials dispute the circumstances that led an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer to fatally shoot a 37-year-old woman...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 2:40 AM
"You think you’re watching a woman drive away with an ICE agent following, then shooting her four times in the face, but what you’re really watching is an ICE agent in fear of his life and acting in self-defense."
"One was an open paramilitary wing of an openly fascist political party, the other is an unaccountable government force operating without clear uniforms, identification, or transparency... for an openly fascist political party."
ICE Is Nothing Like the Brownshirts, Because the Brownshirts Actually Identified Themselves
Let’s get this out of the way: Immigration and Customs Enforcement is nothing like the Sturmabteilung, a.k.a. Hitler’s Brownshirts. Your main clue ...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 2:20 AM
"One was an open paramilitary wing of an openly fascist political party, the other is an unaccountable government force operating without clear uniforms, identification, or transparency... for an openly fascist political party."
"You belittle the Pixies? You diss Black Francis? On the way to Massachusetts? On my gal, the bassist Kim Deal, you didn’t have a crush at Smith College in 1992? Were you not even born?"
An Open Letter to the Pair of Gen-Z Men in the Northeast Regional Quiet Car Loudly Discussing Pitchfork’s 100 Best Albums of All Time
Gentlemen, Your opinions on the discography of the last fifty years interests me about as much as you think it does a middle-aged woman traveling c...
buff.ly
January 10, 2026 at 2:00 AM
"You belittle the Pixies? You diss Black Francis? On the way to Massachusetts? On my gal, the bassist Kim Deal, you didn’t have a crush at Smith College in 1992? Were you not even born?"
Reposted by McSweeney's
Q: Was what took place a violent insurrection against the government?
FOX NEWS PIRRO: It was deplorable, reprehensible, and outright criminal.
US ATTORNEY PIRRO: They say it was violent when the truth is that this is part of the agenda where they are ending the First Amendment.
FOX NEWS PIRRO: It was deplorable, reprehensible, and outright criminal.
US ATTORNEY PIRRO: They say it was violent when the truth is that this is part of the agenda where they are ending the First Amendment.
A Debate on the January 6th Insurrection Between Fox News Host Jeanine Pirro and U.S. Attorney Jeanine Pirro
Note: All of Jeanine Pirro’s dialogue below is taken from statements she has made on the record and accurately reflects the spirit in which they we...
buff.ly
January 9, 2026 at 1:30 PM
Q: Was what took place a violent insurrection against the government?
FOX NEWS PIRRO: It was deplorable, reprehensible, and outright criminal.
US ATTORNEY PIRRO: They say it was violent when the truth is that this is part of the agenda where they are ending the First Amendment.
FOX NEWS PIRRO: It was deplorable, reprehensible, and outright criminal.
US ATTORNEY PIRRO: They say it was violent when the truth is that this is part of the agenda where they are ending the First Amendment.
Reposted by McSweeney's
V5: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box in front of Mom/Dad.
V6: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box as soon as Mom/Dad leaves the room.
V7: I will not growl when Mom/Dad interrupts me while I’m eating out of the litter box...
V6: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box as soon as Mom/Dad leaves the room.
V7: I will not growl when Mom/Dad interrupts me while I’m eating out of the litter box...
Drafts of My Dog’s New Year’s Resolution
V1: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box. V2: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box before breakfast. V3: I will not eat out of the cat’...
buff.ly
January 9, 2026 at 3:00 AM
V5: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box in front of Mom/Dad.
V6: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box as soon as Mom/Dad leaves the room.
V7: I will not growl when Mom/Dad interrupts me while I’m eating out of the litter box...
V6: I will not eat out of the cat’s litter box as soon as Mom/Dad leaves the room.
V7: I will not growl when Mom/Dad interrupts me while I’m eating out of the litter box...
Reposted by McSweeney's
⭐️ Super. For all you grammar nuts. MSM must read.
January 9, 2026 at 2:05 PM
⭐️ Super. For all you grammar nuts. MSM must read.
Reposted by McSweeney's
McSweeney's has found its moment.
"Look, I will give you the full balance of my Robinhood account. Money is no object. Unless, of course, that money will be added to a pool of community funds that would then be used to pay for the services I’m currently requesting." #McSweeneysTop25of2025
I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
Our 6th most-read article of 2025. - - -I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a jam. A series of natural disasters is barreling towards my home, and th...
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January 7, 2026 at 9:02 PM
McSweeney's has found its moment.
"The Dad Roar
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF
Sneezes, Ranked
1. The Silent Convulsion The gold standard. A violent bodily shudder contained entirely within the torso. No noise or spray. Just a brief, grimace...
buff.ly
January 9, 2026 at 8:00 PM
"The Dad Roar
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF
You scream the word “ACHOO” at ninety decibels. You add vowels that aren’t there. Apparently, you want everyone at Safeway to know you possess a diaphragm and a failing marriage."
buff.ly/kMQkAmF