Jack
@jackloftus.bsky.social
Writer, cartoonist, relatively fun | jackloftus.com
Reposted by Jack
"Later, in a warm hall with wine, crisp capons, and steaming boar that fell easily from the bone, the Democrats agreed the suffering was real, but the language around it needed softening."
The Democrats of the Seven Kingdoms
“As support for abolishing ICE grows among Democratic voters, party leadership continues to argue for reform instead.” —Salon - - -The Delegation t...
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January 25, 2026 at 2:30 PM
"Later, in a warm hall with wine, crisp capons, and steaming boar that fell easily from the bone, the Democrats agreed the suffering was real, but the language around it needed softening."
Another fun yet devastaing one to write. Ever seen a man cry and laugh at the same time?
"They proposed referring to the White Walkers as 'nontraditional state actors' and urged all to consider how such incendiary labels might escalate tensions."
The Democrats of the Seven Kingdoms
“As support for abolishing ICE grows among Democratic voters, party leadership continues to argue for reform instead.” —Salon - - -The Delegation t...
buff.ly
January 23, 2026 at 10:18 PM
Another fun yet devastaing one to write. Ever seen a man cry and laugh at the same time?
More therapy-thru-writing from me up at @mcsweeneys.net today.
"As the White Walkers marched inexorably south, nearly 90 percent of the Realm insisted on calling them monsters, abominations, and evil incarnate. The Democrats of the Seven Kingdoms cautioned against such language."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The Democrats of the Seven Kingdoms
“As support for abolishing ICE grows among Democratic voters, party leadership continues to argue for reform instead.” —Salon - - -The Delegation t...
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 20, 2026 at 8:25 PM
More therapy-thru-writing from me up at @mcsweeneys.net today.
Ironically, writing stuff like this is how I express my anger 🙃
"Are you a good helper? Would you like to help check which Fascist Busytown families are following the rules? Start with your neighbors and escalate quickly, so that Sam and Dudley’s detective agency and the courts will have trouble keeping up."
Richard Scarry’s What Do People Do All Day in Fascist Busytown?
Welcome to Fascist Busytown. My, what a compliant, orderly town! In Fascist Busytown, everyone works. Working is important. Work makes everything r...
buff.ly
January 15, 2026 at 11:48 AM
Ironically, writing stuff like this is how I express my anger 🙃
I've always wanted to write a children's book, but not like this. Apologies to the late great Richard Scarry 😔
"In Busytown, everyone works. Working is important. Work makes everything run smoothly. When everything runs smoothly, no one has to ask questions."
Richard Scarry’s What Do People Do All Day in Fascist Busytown?
Welcome to Fascist Busytown. My, what a compliant, orderly town! In Fascist Busytown, everyone works. Working is important. Work makes everything r...
buff.ly
January 13, 2026 at 7:47 PM
I've always wanted to write a children's book, but not like this. Apologies to the late great Richard Scarry 😔
Not sure if it's intentional or not but really appreciating the run of random humor at @mcsweeneys.net right now - kind of a nice break from timely political stuff (which certainly has its place!).
"We're the only place in the city where you can pay between $63-$74 to watch your children come perilously close to spinal injuries and hepatitis A—all to the booming hits of Marshmello."
Welcome to Blast Zone 66
Welcome to Blast Zone 66, Brooklyn’s ultimate adventure gym/future site of a grim 20/20 news segment. We’re the only place in the city where you ca...
buff.ly
January 12, 2026 at 6:33 PM
Not sure if it's intentional or not but really appreciating the run of random humor at @mcsweeneys.net right now - kind of a nice break from timely political stuff (which certainly has its place!).
December 22, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Feels like a great day to repost my @mcsweeneys.net piece about the new editor at CBS News!
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/aaa...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/aaa...
“AAAGGGHHH!!!” A Memo from Animal, Your New Editor-in-Chief
“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cr...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 22, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Feels like a great day to repost my @mcsweeneys.net piece about the new editor at CBS News!
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/aaa...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/aaa...
Feels like a great day to repost my @mcsweeneys.net piece about republicans and #healthcare
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst
“Republican Sen. Joni Ernst faced a number of agitated constituents at a town hall on Friday who expressed concerns that the Republicans’ cuts to M...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 16, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Feels like a great day to repost my @mcsweeneys.net piece about republicans and #healthcare
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
Appreciating how people are picking up on the darkness in this one. Brightens my black heart, just a tad.
"I bet Linus would’ve called those popping kernels 'little pangs of painful joy,' or something equally poetic, but of course, he’s not coming this year. Not after his meaning-of-Christmas bit took a turn to the right last winter. He’s booked solid through the spring with CPAC."
Thanksgiving’s Going to Be a Tough One This Year, Charlie Brown
Making popcorn again, huh, Snoopy? Keep it up. Sounds like pure nostalgia, especially with the way this year’s been going. I bet Linus would’ve cal...
buff.ly
November 26, 2025 at 6:38 PM
Appreciating how people are picking up on the darkness in this one. Brightens my black heart, just a tad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Laugh so you don't cry!
"Good grief. This year feels heavier, doesn’t it? Heavy in the air, in the bare grocery aisles, in the empty pit of our stomachs. Heavy in the way people say, 'It’s okay, we’ll make do.'"
Thanksgiving’s Going to Be a Tough One This Year, Charlie Brown
Making popcorn again, huh, Snoopy? Keep it up. Sounds like pure nostalgia, especially with the way this year’s been going. I bet Linus would’ve cal...
buff.ly
November 24, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Happy Thanksgiving! Laugh so you don't cry!
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
November 7, 2025 at 5:25 PM
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-...
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
Great piece today at McSweeney’s. Remind me: Skewering Bezos has always been cool 👌
Reposted by Jack
"Feel hopeful in knowing that after strip-mining the only habitable world we have, the billionaires may build themselves a second one somewhere colder, lonelier, and even easier to keep away from the rest of us."
Don’t Worry, Bezos Will Let Some of Us on His Space Ark
“Jeff Bezos says the future is so bright, he doesn’t see how anybody can be discouraged who is alive right now… ‘In the next couple of decades, the...
buff.ly
November 7, 2025 at 4:28 PM
"Feel hopeful in knowing that after strip-mining the only habitable world we have, the billionaires may build themselves a second one somewhere colder, lonelier, and even easier to keep away from the rest of us."
Won’t anyone think of the children?
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
"This nation’s Young Republicans are more than just veteran political operatives and attorneys: they’re kids. And sometimes, kids say the wrong things. They can’t be held responsible for using slurs 251 times in just under 8 months."
Young Republican Kids Say the Darndest Things
“Thousands of private messages reveal young GOP leaders joking about gas chambers, slavery, and rape…. Vice President JD Vance downplayed [the] bi...
buff.ly
October 16, 2025 at 11:19 AM
Won’t anyone think of the children?
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
Great piece. Quick turnaround. The @mcsweeneys.net ”timely” submission box is busier than ever these days!
Such a fun one to write and continually, shamelessly self-promote all week long.
STORY: ORANGE MAN LIE AGAIN
OLD WAY: “CRITICS SAY STATEMENT MAY BE MISLEADING.”
ANIMAL WAY: HIT KICK DRUM, YELL “LIE!” HIT TAMBOURINE, WHISPER “but other side lie too” IN SOFTEST MIKE JOHNSON VOICE.
OLD WAY: “CRITICS SAY STATEMENT MAY BE MISLEADING.”
ANIMAL WAY: HIT KICK DRUM, YELL “LIE!” HIT TAMBOURINE, WHISPER “but other side lie too” IN SOFTEST MIKE JOHNSON VOICE.
“AAAGGGHHH!!!” A Memo from Animal, Your New Editor-in-Chief
“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cr...
buff.ly
October 10, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Such a fun one to write and continually, shamelessly self-promote all week long.
A late night fever dream turns into a loud commentary on this week's media-related news. Plus, who doesn't love The Muppets?
"WE MAKE NEWS LOUDER. IF STORY GOOD ON ONE SIDE, SHOW OTHER SIDE TOO. OTHER SIDE WRONG? OTHER SIDE WANT BLEACH IN VEINS? ANIMAL RUN BOTH. REPORT BOTH SIDES. EVEN WHEN ONE SIDE THINK HEAD MEDS MAKE QUIET BABIES."
“AAAGGGHHH!!!” A Memo from Animal, Your New Editor-in-Chief
“[Editor-in-chief of CBS News] Bari Weiss told network staffers in a morning editorial call that she wants to ‘win’ before delivering a rallying cr...
buff.ly
October 8, 2025 at 6:36 PM
A late night fever dream turns into a loud commentary on this week's media-related news. Plus, who doesn't love The Muppets?
Reposted by Jack
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Get more from McSweeney's Internet Tendency on Patreon
Creating daily humor almost every day
buff.ly
September 21, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Semi-regular reminder that much of the work we do is reader-supported. We're able to pay our contributors and keep our humor site ad-free thanks to the folks who support us through our Patreon. As little as $3 a month goes a long way to supporting us.
Aw shucks. At least the end of days will boost my fragile ego.
Brilliance from @mcsweeneys.net: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ign...
Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort
“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...
www.mcsweeneys.net
September 18, 2025 at 5:44 PM
Aw shucks. At least the end of days will boost my fragile ego.
Risky move for this liberal-minded writer, but it had to be done.
"Is this willful blindness dressed as philosophy? Perhaps. But isn’t willful blindness, at scale, the churning engine of unbridled optimism?"
Ignorance Isn’t the Absence of Knowledge; It Is the Presence of Maximum Comfort
“We are going to have to live here with one another, believing what we believe, disagreeing in the ways we disagree… To recognize that does not mea...
buff.ly
September 18, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Risky move for this liberal-minded writer, but it had to be done.
It’s time to make the donuts, America.
"Dunkin’ is the coffee now. The only coffee. Nationalized beans. Federally tilled fields. And all of it running through your clogged, brittle veins like a dark-roasted firehose of unfiltered patriotism."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ame...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ame...
America Now Really Does Run on Dunkin’
“The Trump administration is considering taking stakes in defense contractors, including Lockheed Martin Corp, U.S. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutni...
www.mcsweeneys.net
August 29, 2025 at 4:27 PM
It’s time to make the donuts, America.
Really enjoyed getting back in touch with junior-year English me for this one.
"A man sits in a boat. He is not old. He is not young. He has not paid taxes in thirteen years. The bait is old. The stench hangs like a debt. He lowers the line. The camera does not cut. The fish does not come. This is the entire episode." #HappyBirthdayHemingway
Ernest Hemingway’s Shark Week
There was a time when a man did not film the fish. You learned about the shark when you saw it break the surface. The shark is not interested in ra...
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July 21, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Really enjoyed getting back in touch with junior-year English me for this one.
Consistently one of the funnest @mcsweeneys.net writers over past couple years. Distinctive, side-splitting style.
"I love each new day, what it might bring, the possibilities, the joy of the unknown. One thing is certain, though, and that’s the yelling I will do out of my beak hole in the stillness of dawn, every single day."
Wake Up, You Lazy Skin Sack. I’m a Songbird and It’s 4 A.M.
Wake up my sleepy mouth-breather, it’s 4:01 a.m. and I feel chatty! I might be small but I’m a warm-blooded lunatic and I’m right outside your bedr...
buff.ly
June 12, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Consistently one of the funnest @mcsweeneys.net writers over past couple years. Distinctive, side-splitting style.
Reposted by Jack
"Teeth-whitening strips were on sale at Costco, so I went ahead and ordered you five boxes."
Your AI Assistant or Your Mother?
1. Relive these memories from this day seven years ago. 2. Make sure you pack an umbrella, it looks like it might rain this afternoon. 3. I’d leave...
buff.ly
June 4, 2025 at 3:21 PM
"Teeth-whitening strips were on sale at Costco, so I went ahead and ordered you five boxes."
Shameless self-promotion. Not really zen, but that fleeting dopamine rush is so much better than healthcare
"Repeat this mantra as your prescription is denied on religious grounds: Everyone dies. Everyone dies. Everyone dies. Let the liberals weep, for you are free and clear, though not in the medical sense, of course."
The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst
“Republican Sen. Joni Ernst faced a number of agitated constituents at a town hall on Friday who expressed concerns that the Republicans’ cuts to M...
buff.ly
June 2, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Shameless self-promotion. Not really zen, but that fleeting dopamine rush is so much better than healthcare