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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

@michaelswaim.bsky.social

6.1K followers 390 following 3.2K posts

Writer, podcaster, comedian - a real hoopy frood you should sass who knows where his towel's @. CV: Small Beans | CRACKED | Some More News | IGN | 1900HOTDOG patreon.com/c/smallbeans

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · Dec 8

This is an ongoing thread of MEDIA, ADVICE, TRUISMS that are actually (usually) true, and AMAZING PROJECTS. Below this tweet are replies that split the thread into each of those four topics. Fully soliciting additions, arguments and jokes! Help me raise my son!

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 1h

Kind of unfair he reviewed it when he only played the Trial

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 2h

kermit the frog says it 's not easy being green

Alt: kermit the frog says it 's not easy being green

media.tenor.com

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 2h

We now live in a world with fairly good odds of an irl fight breaking out between someone dressed as the political frog (troll/racist/bad one) and someone dressed as the other political frog (brave/de-escalator/Oregonian).

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 16h

do they like hacking off the gross? I could use some help, it's getting unwieldy.

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 16h

oh thank god I'm so lonely since the baby
what are they like, cool guys?

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 16h

sorry, just trying to write a sentence no one has before.

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 16h

I'm such a slutty size queen when it comes to topline operating deductibles we can hack off the gross.

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 17h

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
I'm real smug about it. I'll show you though, you just gotta come out to my truck

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 17h

if you don't hit the street with a stage magician's dummy-rigged third arm so you can get cuffed and keep on reporting, you aren't doing your job as an AI-generated truth-teller

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Logging On @logonlog.bsky.social · 6d

logging on

screenshot of the Steam marketplace, a game called "Isekai Sex Boutique." The trailer says "Enjoy a funny, relaxing, and horny life simulation!"

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Logging On @logonlog.bsky.social · 7d

logging on

Simpsons screencap from an Itchy and Scratchy episode parodying daytime reality TV. Itchy "backstage" with a forlorn look and a chyron that says "Feels HE is the victim."

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Logging On @logonlog.bsky.social · 8d

logging on

Star Trek: The Next Generation. Dr. Crusher wears a bizarre tech-helmet and holds some sci-fi gadget. She's working on an unconscious Worf and says to Troi "Yes, normal."

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

darth™️ @darthbluesky.bsky.social · 23h

that johnson is more terrified of seating a duly elected democrat who could force an epstein vote than having the entire government shut down really makes me wonder about that epstein vote tbh

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · Aug 21

My 2024 GOTY UFO 50 is finally out on the Switch, after being confined to Steam for quite some time. I just want people to know that so more folks can experience this wondrous thing.

a screenshot of a video game with the number 4b at the bottom

Alt: UFO 50 gif showing many of the games in quick succession

media.tenor.com

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · Aug 21

This post really overperformed by my standards. People are pretty excited to consider me a failure! That's nice. Something to look forward to.

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · Aug 20

I've done (at least) one story, poem, movie, play, novel, webseries, TTRPG campaign, sketch, improv show, standup set, comic book and album of music.

What I'm getting at is I HAVE to make a video game. If I die before making at least one video game, please consider me a failure.

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 22h

Found a lead artist for a simple game idea and have begun the very long process of mechanics development! We'll unfail this fleeting existence yet.

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · Aug 20

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · Aug 19

Tindr? I hardly knowr!

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Olivia Messer @oliviamesser.bsky.social · 1d

whew

variety.com/2025/tv/news...

Human Rights Watch ‘Cannot Accept’ Donations From Aziz Ansari and Other Comedians Who Performed at Riyadh Comedy Festival

Human Rights Watch says it 'cannot accept' donations from Aziz Ansari and other comedians who performed at the Riyadh Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia.

variety.com

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michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ @michaelswaim.bsky.social · 1d

......(longest pause ever recorded in Earth's history, eyes shift back and forth no less than eighty-four thousand times, over nine hundred throat clearings)..................................what kind of pizza?

Huffington Post Headline: "I Ate Pizza As My 3-Year-Old Daughter Lay Dying In Her Bedroom. Can I Ever Forgive Myself?"

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Reposted by michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

GKIDS Films @gkids.com · 2d

Satoshi Kon's iconic thriller PERFECT BLUE is coming to 4K Collector's Edition for the first time ever on December 23. 💙

Pre-order now: brnw.ch/21wWugE