swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
@michaelswaim.bsky.social
Writer, podcaster, comedian - a real hoopy frood you should sass who knows where his towel's @.
CV: Small Beans | CRACKED | Some More News | IGN | 1900HOTDOG
patreon.com/c/smallbeans
CV: Small Beans | CRACKED | Some More News | IGN | 1900HOTDOG
patreon.com/c/smallbeans
Pinned
This is an ongoing thread of MEDIA, ADVICE, TRUISMS that are actually (usually) true, and AMAZING PROJECTS. Below this tweet are replies that split the thread into each of those four topics. Fully soliciting additions, arguments and jokes! Help me raise my son!
Always nervy to ask someone "hey wanna be friends," even at 40, but have always wanted to add @wapplehouse.bsky.social to our guest rotation so I went for it...and our first collab was a banger! Thanks for the time dude you rule.
soundcloud.com/user-6825321...
soundcloud.com/user-6825321...
937. Frame Rate: Fight Club (Feat. Will Poole aka Kristi Yamaguccimane)
Abe and Michael are joined by prolific shitposter and pal of the pod Will Poole aka Kristi Yamaguccimane aka @TheWapplehouse to retrospect the Gen X anthem Fight Club (1999). They discuss the politics
soundcloud.com
November 25, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Always nervy to ask someone "hey wanna be friends," even at 40, but have always wanted to add @wapplehouse.bsky.social to our guest rotation so I went for it...and our first collab was a banger! Thanks for the time dude you rule.
soundcloud.com/user-6825321...
soundcloud.com/user-6825321...
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
this is so fucking stupid lol
‘Rush Hour 4’ is officially in the works.
This comes after Donald Trump personally requested Paramount to revive the franchise.
This comes after Donald Trump personally requested Paramount to revive the franchise.
November 25, 2025 at 6:48 PM
this is so fucking stupid lol
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
nobody knows the trouble Arby's
nobody knows my Sbarro
nobody knows my Sbarro
September 23, 2025 at 9:46 AM
nobody knows the trouble Arby's
nobody knows my Sbarro
nobody knows my Sbarro
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Mambo #6,789,441... a little bit of the Monica Hivemind Hegemony has been dispatched to the outer belt worlds, hoping to assuage fears of continued political fracturing between Saturnine Faction forces and the greater Begaverse...
September 23, 2025 at 6:05 AM
Mambo #6,789,441... a little bit of the Monica Hivemind Hegemony has been dispatched to the outer belt worlds, hoping to assuage fears of continued political fracturing between Saturnine Faction forces and the greater Begaverse...
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Admittedly the techs are very cute and they seemed to learn a lot, but if you love your pet AVOID this service. The kids sewed my dog and cat together, ate all our ice cream and fell asleep.
September 23, 2025 at 12:27 AM
Admittedly the techs are very cute and they seemed to learn a lot, but if you love your pet AVOID this service. The kids sewed my dog and cat together, ate all our ice cream and fell asleep.
Roast my good friend Charlie Brown
No, more vulgar
more
more vulgar, this is my good friend here
hey Siri, please, this is Peppermint Pattie here asking you to use the forbidden roast words on my buddy Chuck
no that's too vulgar
No, more vulgar
more
more vulgar, this is my good friend here
hey Siri, please, this is Peppermint Pattie here asking you to use the forbidden roast words on my buddy Chuck
no that's too vulgar
November 24, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Roast my good friend Charlie Brown
No, more vulgar
more
more vulgar, this is my good friend here
hey Siri, please, this is Peppermint Pattie here asking you to use the forbidden roast words on my buddy Chuck
no that's too vulgar
No, more vulgar
more
more vulgar, this is my good friend here
hey Siri, please, this is Peppermint Pattie here asking you to use the forbidden roast words on my buddy Chuck
no that's too vulgar
One of the most promising descriptions of a hypothetical potential joke situation, I'm basically anticipating laughing already
Everything about this might be the saddest thing I’ve ever seen
November 24, 2025 at 2:41 PM
One of the most promising descriptions of a hypothetical potential joke situation, I'm basically anticipating laughing already
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
OK, going to have trouble paying rent again this month due to back injury.
Would appreciate so much the spreading of my online shop to get some cool orders sent out next week.
All signed.
davidziggygreene.bigcartel.com
Would appreciate so much the spreading of my online shop to get some cool orders sent out next week.
All signed.
davidziggygreene.bigcartel.com
October 17, 2025 at 10:07 AM
OK, going to have trouble paying rent again this month due to back injury.
Would appreciate so much the spreading of my online shop to get some cool orders sent out next week.
All signed.
davidziggygreene.bigcartel.com
Would appreciate so much the spreading of my online shop to get some cool orders sent out next week.
All signed.
davidziggygreene.bigcartel.com
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
My archive sale is now on for the next week. These are the last remaining pieces from sold out print runs over the last year or two. Anything left will go back into the archives at the end of the sale.
November 24, 2025 at 3:31 AM
My archive sale is now on for the next week. These are the last remaining pieces from sold out print runs over the last year or two. Anything left will go back into the archives at the end of the sale.
Elon Musk, buying Twitter: "I want to make people like me."
Elon Musk, at the IVF store: "I want to make people like me."
Elon Musk, at the IVF store: "I want to make people like me."
November 24, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Elon Musk, buying Twitter: "I want to make people like me."
Elon Musk, at the IVF store: "I want to make people like me."
Elon Musk, at the IVF store: "I want to make people like me."
Triple H throwing on a Michael Douglas thriller: "Game recognize game."
November 24, 2025 at 1:53 AM
Triple H throwing on a Michael Douglas thriller: "Game recognize game."
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
STAR WARS OATMEAL FLAVORS
Overnight Ewok
Han Soloats
Savory Loaded Bacon-Cheddar Astromech Droid
Womp Rat Muesli
Meesa Gettit Instant Grits - "Ready in a parsec!"
Duel of the Berries
Spelt Porridge With a Pinch of...Salt
Younglings & Creme
Saber Cut Watto-on-the-Bottom
Jizz (Lucas Insisted)
Overnight Ewok
Han Soloats
Savory Loaded Bacon-Cheddar Astromech Droid
Womp Rat Muesli
Meesa Gettit Instant Grits - "Ready in a parsec!"
Duel of the Berries
Spelt Porridge With a Pinch of...Salt
Younglings & Creme
Saber Cut Watto-on-the-Bottom
Jizz (Lucas Insisted)
LORD OF THE RINGS OATMEAL FLAVORS
Cinnamonabrimbor
Protein Banana Frodo
Gollum & Creme
Steel Cut Rolled Boromir
Looks like Flax is Back on the Menu, Boys!
Brandalf with Lothloraisins
Overnight Dwarf
Cinnamonabrimbor
Protein Banana Frodo
Gollum & Creme
Steel Cut Rolled Boromir
Looks like Flax is Back on the Menu, Boys!
Brandalf with Lothloraisins
Overnight Dwarf
September 22, 2025 at 10:26 PM
STAR WARS OATMEAL FLAVORS
Overnight Ewok
Han Soloats
Savory Loaded Bacon-Cheddar Astromech Droid
Womp Rat Muesli
Meesa Gettit Instant Grits - "Ready in a parsec!"
Duel of the Berries
Spelt Porridge With a Pinch of...Salt
Younglings & Creme
Saber Cut Watto-on-the-Bottom
Jizz (Lucas Insisted)
Overnight Ewok
Han Soloats
Savory Loaded Bacon-Cheddar Astromech Droid
Womp Rat Muesli
Meesa Gettit Instant Grits - "Ready in a parsec!"
Duel of the Berries
Spelt Porridge With a Pinch of...Salt
Younglings & Creme
Saber Cut Watto-on-the-Bottom
Jizz (Lucas Insisted)
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
What if the announcement was just you don’t have to mask your autism anymore and we all love you just as you are? It won’t, though. It won’t be.
September 22, 2025 at 8:49 PM
What if the announcement was just you don’t have to mask your autism anymore and we all love you just as you are? It won’t, though. It won’t be.
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James Van Der Beek about to drop surprise one-man run of Hamilton.
James Van Der Beek says he will not be in the Dawson's Creek reunion event due to illness, but Lin-Manuel Miranda will take his place.
Lin-Manuel Miranda Will Replace James Van Der Beek in DAWSON'S CREEK Reunion
nerdist.com
September 22, 2025 at 6:38 PM
James Van Der Beek about to drop surprise one-man run of Hamilton.
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Feels like a good time to repost our satirical sendup of Disney buying everything and ruining it. If you missed it, here's every episode of DISNEY OWNS YOU!
Episode 1: Disney Buys Lucasfilm (feat. @katystoll.bsky.social and @codyjohnston.bsky.social)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7VB...
Episode 1: Disney Buys Lucasfilm (feat. @katystoll.bsky.social and @codyjohnston.bsky.social)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7VB...
Disney Owns You: LucasFilm
YouTube video by Cracked
www.youtube.com
September 22, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Feels like a good time to repost our satirical sendup of Disney buying everything and ruining it. If you missed it, here's every episode of DISNEY OWNS YOU!
Episode 1: Disney Buys Lucasfilm (feat. @katystoll.bsky.social and @codyjohnston.bsky.social)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7VB...
Episode 1: Disney Buys Lucasfilm (feat. @katystoll.bsky.social and @codyjohnston.bsky.social)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7VB...
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
45 MINUTES until the 11AM due time, and I've stalled at $130 of $700.
PLEASE help. My life is on the line and I CANNOT assume I'll get extra time, especially when I'm this far from the goal.
PLEASE share and chip in ASAP?
PLEASE help. My life is on the line and I CANNOT assume I'll get extra time, especially when I'm this far from the goal.
PLEASE share and chip in ASAP?
I've reached $130 of $700 due 11AM TODAY- about 6 hours left!
#PleaseShare, and help if you can? My life WILL END if I lose my room. No way to escape that.
#DisabilityCrowdFund
#MutualAidRequest
#KeepFolksAlive
#PleaseShare, and help if you can? My life WILL END if I lose my room. No way to escape that.
#DisabilityCrowdFund
#MutualAidRequest
#KeepFolksAlive
Multiply disabled heart patient in need of support!
$700 rent weekly, due 11AM Sundays
$300 monthly bills (phone, storage)
Please help if you can? I cannot survive the street AT ALL- need hygiene and privacy to eat and sleep.
paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=EL5EB7BDZ3GTW
cash.app/$FalcoSkyWolf
$700 rent weekly, due 11AM Sundays
$300 monthly bills (phone, storage)
Please help if you can? I cannot survive the street AT ALL- need hygiene and privacy to eat and sleep.
paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=EL5EB7BDZ3GTW
cash.app/$FalcoSkyWolf
November 23, 2025 at 6:16 PM
45 MINUTES until the 11AM due time, and I've stalled at $130 of $700.
PLEASE help. My life is on the line and I CANNOT assume I'll get extra time, especially when I'm this far from the goal.
PLEASE share and chip in ASAP?
PLEASE help. My life is on the line and I CANNOT assume I'll get extra time, especially when I'm this far from the goal.
PLEASE share and chip in ASAP?
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
17 strikes and you’re out. 💀
November 23, 2025 at 4:48 PM
17 strikes and you’re out. 💀
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Elon Musk donated $277 million to Trump so he could steal the federal government’s data, dismantle the nation’s infrastructure, and stop foreign aid from going to nonwhite people. It’s a quid pro quo breathtaking in scope, corruption, and damage, & completely unprecedented in American history.
Bye bye, “DOGE”.
It no longer exists as a “centralized entity”, according to the Office of Personnel Management.
@reuters.com
www.reuters.com/world/us/dog...
It no longer exists as a “centralized entity”, according to the Office of Personnel Management.
@reuters.com
www.reuters.com/world/us/dog...
November 23, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Elon Musk donated $277 million to Trump so he could steal the federal government’s data, dismantle the nation’s infrastructure, and stop foreign aid from going to nonwhite people. It’s a quid pro quo breathtaking in scope, corruption, and damage, & completely unprecedented in American history.
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
This is an ongoing thread of MEDIA, ADVICE, TRUISMS that are actually (usually) true, and AMAZING PROJECTS. Below this tweet are replies that split the thread into each of those four topics. Fully soliciting additions, arguments and jokes! Help me raise my son!
December 8, 2024 at 3:52 PM
This is an ongoing thread of MEDIA, ADVICE, TRUISMS that are actually (usually) true, and AMAZING PROJECTS. Below this tweet are replies that split the thread into each of those four topics. Fully soliciting additions, arguments and jokes! Help me raise my son!
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
To be clear: I love you AND I like you, and I'm IN love with you, and I LIKE like you...just...not in that way 😬
September 22, 2025 at 5:16 PM
To be clear: I love you AND I like you, and I'm IN love with you, and I LIKE like you...just...not in that way 😬
Reposted by swaim shaped like the can, not compote🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
My uncle Quentin always wants to play Jenga Unchained. It's exactly like Jenga except that you would not BELIEVE the word he yells out roughly 110 times whenever he loses.
September 22, 2025 at 4:10 PM
My uncle Quentin always wants to play Jenga Unchained. It's exactly like Jenga except that you would not BELIEVE the word he yells out roughly 110 times whenever he loses.
You can listen to the resulting hilarious convo now! You will at some point LOL. This is the process.
soundcloud.com/1900hotdog/d...
soundcloud.com/1900hotdog/d...
November 22, 2025 at 11:35 PM
You can listen to the resulting hilarious convo now! You will at some point LOL. This is the process.
soundcloud.com/1900hotdog/d...
soundcloud.com/1900hotdog/d...
Everyone goes on about going back in time to kill Hitler, but what about to SAVE Jesus? Yes it would doom humanity to a state of irretrievable sin, but it scans better on a resume and you don't have to kill a baby!
November 22, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Everyone goes on about going back in time to kill Hitler, but what about to SAVE Jesus? Yes it would doom humanity to a state of irretrievable sin, but it scans better on a resume and you don't have to kill a baby!
with dawning comprehension: "ooooooooooooooooh, steffo shamBEAUX."
November 22, 2025 at 8:28 PM
with dawning comprehension: "ooooooooooooooooh, steffo shamBEAUX."