Author | Lightnews

Erica

@scbchbum.bsky.social

3.8K followers 160 following 220 posts

knucklehead

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Nov 19

me: how old is your baby?
her: 46 weeks
me, struggling with the math: may i offer him a beer?

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Reposted by Erica

Bazecraze @bazecraze.bsky.social · Aug 5

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Aug 21

would it kill dmv to get a fuckin ring light?

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jun 4

i travel with my own pillowcase. not high-maintenance- just pre-disappointed.

Reposted by Erica

Kim @kmbrly.bsky.social · Jan 21

I’m not using my turn signal anymore. It’s none of your business where I’m going.

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 20

i feel like they’re rolling their eyes, making the jerk off motion at me.

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 15

nailed it!

Reposted by Erica

Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Nov 20

thanks for sharing your moon with me on instagram. we don't have a moon where i live.

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 14

without looking crazy, how long can you wave your hands under a paper towel dispenser until you realize it's a manual one? (pls say 30 secs)

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Reposted by Erica

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Jan 20

There should be a three day waiting period before you can buy an acoustic guitar

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 11

“fuck you, elderly people!” -restaurants with QR codes for menus

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Reposted by Erica

jon @senderblock23.bsky.social · Jan 3

“I’m going to kamikaze-attack you with my ass knife now.” -bees

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 7

thank you for the thank you card. can we end this thank you cycle now?

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 6

my tax man asked me why my W-2s smell like french fries, in case you’re wondering how the new year’s going.

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 3

giving a $25 gift card for pottery barn is a good way of letting someone know you don’t want them having anything from pottery barn.

Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Jan 2

january 1st: this is the year i turn it all around & get healthy!

january 2nd: ran out of sugar so i put lucky charms marshmallows in my coffee

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 29

starbucks says it. i believe it.

Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 29

happy valentine’s day, everyone!

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 29

sorry i didn't read the entire 3 paragraphs you posted on instagram below your picture, but i liked it anyway because i trust you.

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 28

i always know when something i say is hilarious because my mom says “that’s not funny, erica.”

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Reposted by Erica

Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · Dec 28

showering and then putting on my daytime pajamas

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 28

it doesn’t matter how many stars a hotel has. you’ll always find one star hotel people in the pool.

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 27

hiking is not a hobby. it’s what you do when you run out of gas.

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Reposted by Erica

Drew Schnoebelen @dschnoeb.bsky.social · Dec 26

It’s hard to dunk on cyber truck owners any worse than what they regularly do to themselves

A gold cybertruck with the words “#1 HAIR TRANSPLANT” in all caps on the side

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 27

this elderly couple doesn’t have gps, so i drew them a map on a cocktail napkin like a goddamn conquistador.

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Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · Dec 26

i sense my dad’s crushing disappointment that i don’t know wtf an orbital palm sander is, but i can sure think of 3 dick jokes about it.

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