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Viktor Winetrout

@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social

41K followers 550 following 5.7K posts

Contributor: @theonion.com, @sorrowscopes.bsky.social, @riversidecasino.bsky.social, @greenevillezoo.bsky.social Creator: @sorrowscopes.bsky.social

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Nov 21

When I was 8, my best friend stole my boomerang and we got into a big fight. The next day his parents died in a car accident and I never saw him again. Jeff, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 2h

he lives about 20 minutes away from me. a couple people i know have run into him at stores and say he's a nice guy

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Mar 28

My favorite part of baseball is when the manager goes to the mound to tell the pitcher he loves him

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 4h

Thanks, bud!

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 17h

what?? it's a classic

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Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 17h

Got kicked out of my work’s holiday party planning committee for suggesting the theme be “man’s inhumanity to man”

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Sep 26

[buying a pumpkin] One scary watermelon, please

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lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · Mar 7

On the bright side, we are living in a time of incredible stain-fighting technology

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Reposted by Viktor Winetrout

Garth Marenghi's Catbus @hayao.lol · 17h

friends, did you know that for as little as $1/mo you can help feed and clothe a political cartoonist?

Brian McFadden | Patreon

creating Comics

www.patreon.com

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 17h

we'll be expecting you

Reposted by Viktor Winetrout

𝕂𝕏ℕ𝔾 ♠️ @kxngspade.bsky.social · Dec 24

Never forget Scrappy Doo worked directly with Reagan to distribute crack cocaine into the inner cities of America.

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

we've been having trouble with our mail could you just periodically swing by

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ceej @ceej.online · 1d

damn. hoping it at least signifies something

William Shakespeare @shakespeare.lol · 1d

It is a tale
Told by an idiot

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Reposted by Viktor Winetrout

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Sep 19

What’s the German word for when you cry in the shower until your Burger King crown falls apart

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

Marriage is like picking your favorite song to be your ringtone

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

no problem

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

Please don't pester her lol

Reposted by Viktor Winetrout

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · May 12

I ordered some hobby knickknacks on Etsy and they offered me the option to personalize the carrying case

Small green plastic case that says HUMAN EYES

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · Jul 21

Really getting into stupid bullshit recently. Have you guys heard about stupid bullshit

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · Jul 25

People like to shit on tradition, but I think it's a real time-saver. I glad I don't have to figure out what I'm supposed to do about God's birthday every year. Trees and candy, done. He loves it.

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · Jun 30

Watching a "family friendly" nature documentary. The narrator says "He's asking her on a date!" over footage of a male spraying piss near a female and screaming HWONK HWONK

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Reposted by Viktor Winetrout

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · May 27

Kinda BS that nobody cares if I call myself a "cat mom" but they act weird when I call myself a "cat MILF"

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

Thank you, Jeff!

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

cheers!

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

Big shoutout to the wonderful and very funny @aliciakraft.bsky.social who kindly recommended me!

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 4d

Writing for theonion.com has been a dream of mine for a long time and it finally came true! Two of my jokes are in the latest issue. Still waiting to hear if I 'passed' my trial, but either way I'm thrilled and honored to be published by the best humor site/newspaper on Earth

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 1d

i'll adjust the scoring (he put up 5 pts last night) if the computer doesn't correct it