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Mark Watson

@watsoncomedian.bsky.social

33K followers 650 following 3.7K posts

Comedian and author. Quite a bit more, too. NEW NOVEL OUT: https://www.waterstones.com/book/one-minute-away/mark-watson/9780008347000

www.waterstones.com

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 24m

This is a user error. You’ve got to look at your own skewed expectations. A nectarine isn’t out there promising the earth. It’s just promising to be a satisfying tangy few mouthfuls. And most of the time it’ll come good on that.

Anon Opin @anonopin.bsky.social · 1h

Nothing promises more and delivers less than a nectarine.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 12h

Thank you! It’s weird when this happens from time to time. I used to have such nice nights in Oxford.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 12h

It’s just not my crowd anymore but I don’t understand what I did wrong.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 12h

No one wants to see me there anymore! Times have moved on.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 12h

Er not great.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 13h

As always, I’m making a league table of my tour audiences, but this time round I am going to publish it at the end.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 17h

Oh.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 17h

Yes, correct. People forgot REALLY quickly.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 18h

I have numerous friends and relatives who do it or have done it, and - yes, the same.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 18h

Well, and you.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 18h

OK!

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 18h

I've said it before: anyone who runs down the job that teachers do, even for such nakedly political reasons rather than from any real place of conviction, (a) should try surviving even a fucking WEEK of it themselves and (b) should then go to the bottom of a well.

Greg Jenner @gregjenner.bsky.social · 18h

Just to say that teachers do an incredibly difficult job, with all the right intentions, and can be the defining influence on a young person's life. They are the exact opposite of poisoners because good teaching provides the antidote to so many dangers

The Guardian @theguardian.com · 18h

Nigel Farage says UK teachers are ‘poisoning our kids’ and predicts strikes as PM

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 18h

I felt Icke left a number of questions unanswered, for a god.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 18h

(I realise there are many religious traditions in which the almighty is more of a distant mysterious force, and maybe those are easier to subscribe to - but also less attractive, for most people, I would think.)

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 18h

Most modern versions of Christianity, at least, depict God as being personally receptive to - and responsive to - the fate of every single person. So HE gives a huge F what humans think. That is the tricky thing about all this.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 19h

Well we aren't going to get anywhere with THAT attitude.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 19h

Just one big, lovely, satisfying smite.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 19h

I know, but he can be everywhere at once, so I imagine it a bit like when Ross Noble did a show that was simultaneously screens in loads of cinemas.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 19h

Hard to know, but I reckon I'd start by doing away with terminal diseases and so on; there are fairer ways to regulate the global population.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 19h

This is a point. Maybe the whole project is just more hassle than it's worth at this stage.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 19h

Enormous if for most of us, yes.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 19h

If you were God, it would be so tempting to appear in some indisputable form and just give the entire planet a huge telling-off. The question of your existence would be solved in a moment. You would have close to 100 percent belief in you at least for a generation. It would really shake shit up.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 20h

He was exactly as you'd hope.

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 20h

He was lovely.

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Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 1d

Can’t wait for that person to come forward.

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